Need some encouraging words

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Need some encouraging words

Postby nlblit » Fri Mar 14, 2014 12:24 pm

I feel like I need advice or real life stories that are similar to mine. . I am 37 and my DH is 41. We have two boys right now (ages 6 & 9). As a matter of fact, I was very active on this site when I was ttc with both of my boys.

Anyhow, I have always wanted to try for a little girl. When my youngest son was 3 we were going to start trying for another.... and then life happened. My 3-year-old began having some serious health issues. That became the focus of my life... and it went on for 3 years. He's much better now, and life has settled.

The question now is whether we try for another or not. I never wanted this much space between my kids. It's hard for me to wrap my head around having a decade between my oldest and youngest. I also look in the mirror and see the wrinkles that weren't there when I had my other children. I definitely feel older. It makes me wonder if we're just too old.

Does anyone have any real life experiences they can share with me about having kids that are spaced so far apart? Or about having children at our ages? Having a baby now doesn't seem bad, but when I think about, my husband will be 60 when the child would graduate from high school.... that scares me.

Anything would help. I feel so down :cry:

Thanks in advance.
~Nams :babydustg:
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Re: Need some encouraging words

Postby ete29 » Fri Mar 14, 2014 6:28 pm

I understand, I feel like I'm in the same boat. My son is five, my daughter passed away a year and a half ago when she was two. I never wanted my life to go this way, I wanted my children close together, my two were 20 months apart. I will be 36 next month :shock: and that just feels so late to do this again!

But we don't get to choose the path our life takes. We have been trying again for a few months now, and I just know that if we have another, the wrinkles won't matter to the next child, in their eyes we're old no matter what :rofl:

A good friend of mine is pg with her third, she's 35 and her husband is 55. Her youngest is five, and both her kids are very excited. We only have this one life to live! We should do what our hearts tell us to, despite any time schedule we have in our heads.
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Re: Need some encouraging words

Postby nlblit » Sat Mar 15, 2014 6:13 am

Thank you for the reply. I think that's exactly what I needed to hear. Life has not gone as planned, but I guess that's life.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your daughter. I cannot imagine a pain greater than the loss of a child. :hugs:

I bet you and I have many of the same fears and concerns. When my younger son was 3 he began having sudden and severe medical issues; the doctors told us that they thought he had a brain tumor. Thankfully, he didn't; however, it was the beginning of three years in this "other world" full of worry, doctors and specialists. Life is finally back to a comfortable norm, but it has taken it's toll on me. When I was ttc my boys, I didn't have an any worries.... just excitement. I feel like I've been robbed of that. Trying to decide if we are going to have another has been filled with worry and fear. I feel like I've been robbed of the ability to just be naive and happy. I miss that. I miss being filled with pure excitement when thinking about having another baby.

Thank you again for your reply. It helps just to know that I'm not alone in how I feel. I wish you all the best :)
~Nams :babydustg:
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Re: Need some encouraging words

Postby ete29 » Sat Mar 15, 2014 2:42 pm

I completely understand having your bubble burst. For a long time I would think "how can anyone have a baby? Don't they know the risk they are taking? Don't they know how much it can hurt if the baby isn't ok?" I finally decided that everyone's fate is predetermined. I know not everyone feels this way, but I figure, if my Julie had to have cancer and die, then I'm glad I was her mommy, because I am proud of the life we lived while she was here. If I have another child and God forbid, it has a problem, I know we will still experience love and happiness along with the hardship. My husband and I have been through the worst, and I know we can face anything else that comes our way.

I'm so glad your son made it through, and hope that you can come to a decision that brings you happiness.
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Re: Need some encouraging words

Postby maddy » Mon Mar 17, 2014 9:16 pm

I am 35, DH just turned 42, we are still TTC #1. Yes we will be older parents (if it ever happens) but what else would we be doing for the next 20 years that is more important to us? Thats how we look at it anyway!
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