*New user- feeling lost and ignorant

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*New user- feeling lost and ignorant

Postby cj9128 » Wed May 21, 2014 10:06 am

Hello everyone,
First I want to thank you all for your previous posts. I've been stalking this site for months trying to learn, just now joining. It seems like the only support for TTC women is online, I can't get answers in the physical world.

I'm 30 yrs old, my husband and I have been TTC our first child for 4 cycles now. I know this isn't very long but I'm feeling like I don't know what is normal or what to wonder about. I've been off the pill for over a year. I had hormone levels checked in December as part of a work up for low libido, everything was fine. Been charting cycles for a year and they range from 23 days to 28 days. I routinely get an LH surge, but anywhere from day 11 to day 14. I've only been temping for this cycle and it showed that I ovulated a full 48 hours after the LH surge--which seems odd. From there, my luteal phases range from 10-13 days. Today is CD 24 and my temp is creeping down, still above cover line, but I'm fairly certain AF is on the way. (trying not to be TOO sad :( )

2 months back I had a very weird cycle which ended in a shockingly heavy, painful period that was a few days late. I've never experienced anything like this in my life. It scared me and I was worried it was an early miscarriage so I went to the doctor several days later. She was completely dismissive of me-never did an exam, just sent me home.

I saw a different GYN for my annual exam yesterday and tried to ask her if any of this is normal. I was point blank told that I just need to relax and stop asking questions. "The more you stress, the less likely you are to conceive. So just relax and let it happen." So pretty much--I wanted to punch her in the face. I'm new to TTC and even I know not to say that to a woman.

So--help, please! Are irregular cycles a huge obstacle? Is my luteal phase too short? Am I losing my mind? Should I just chill out?

Thanks ladies! I'm cheering for all of you!
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Re: *New user- feeling lost and ignorant

Postby B Michaelson » Wed May 21, 2014 8:57 pm

A luteal phase under 12 days is a problem and can hinder proper implantation.

It's normal to O 24-48 hrs after a positive opk though.

I don't know much about heavy AF as mine is very light but I think it's normal to have one now and then.

I can relate to the dr issues. Many drs are dismissive and their advice is "relax" (something we all hate). I wouldn't stop asking questions though. If she is annoyed it doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong, it means she is not doing her job. It's hard to find a dr who takes the time to listen but I know when I get that dr I see her less frequently because she makes sure everything is taken care of, including my questions.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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Re: *New user- feeling lost and ignorant

Postby K-Lo » Thu May 22, 2014 9:50 am

Hi CJ,
I'm also 30 & have been TTC since Feb - I just had my hormone levels tested as well and everything looks fine but I feel like there's something wrong; I didn't think it would take so long. I hope this is your month, but if not, you'll definitely learn a lot about your cycle in charting.

It's hard to find a good doctor, and I too am so damn tired of hearing that I should just relax. All of my friends either have children, or are now pregnant so I find myself on this site far too much as I can relate to the ladies here and feel like I can't relate to my friends right now. One (who it took 8mths to get pregnant, so not exactly easy) told me that I "just have to have sex with my husband and it will happen"... I was so irritated with that comment, so I'm holding off on telling anyone else (in real life) that I'm trying. I was hoping for some advice as I know that she temped & used OPK's among other things I'm sure, but she was no help.

So, all ranting aside, you are not crazy & you ashould not just relax. Have you looked up natural remedies for fertility? I'm sure there's some supplement or herb that will help lengthen your LP. Good luck girl :)
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Re: *New user- feeling lost and ignorant

Postby cj9128 » Thu May 22, 2014 11:14 am

Thanks for getting back to me, ladies! It's such a comfort to know that there are people out there who care, even though we've never met.

I also learned the hard way to be careful who I share my TTC experience with. It's shocking how often I get asked if I'm pregnant yet, which seems like such a rude question to me. So for now I am keeping things to myself. Though, when you think about the sheer number of women who are TTC, it should really be something that we talk about in public all the time. Maybe then there would be easier access to information.

You're right that charting temps has been incredibly helpful. I already feel like I've learned so much. At the very least, it helps me to feel like I've got a tiny bit of control. :)

Our plan is to try the midwives at my OBGYN practice next time I need to go in. If we aren't happy with them, then we will look at finding a new office. It just makes me so sad to think that these physicians can be so dismissive of our questions. I'm actually a nurse (thought I know NOTHING about pregnancy and I never tell my drs that I'm one so that they don't think I'm a complete idiot for asking questions) and it makes me so angry that they don't take the time to teach people about their own bodies.

As for remedies: I just added raspberry leaf tea this month. I did ask the Dr about it but she'd never heard of it. AF is due today or tomorrow but I don't have any signs yet, so hopefully my LP is gaining some extra days. I keep holding my breath but I'm determined to remain hopeful until I actually see blood! Also--I started listening to a relaxation mp3 for TTC women. It has actually helped me immensely. It gets me to focus on what I hope is happening inside my body and to have patience with the TTW. I got it off of healthjourneys.com under the women's health section. I highly recommend, if only to save your sanity.

Good luck, ladies! Saying a prayer for all of us!
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Re: *New user- feeling lost and ignorant

Postby Lichte1010 » Mon Jun 09, 2014 11:01 am

Well considering it took me 4 tries to figure out how the heck to log in and get started here, please consider me in your class of feeling "lost and ignorant"!!

I am 36. I will be 37 in a few months and even though I've had my period since I was 12, I'm finding there is so much I don't know! I don't know much about ovulation or TTC. I'm very new to all of this since we just married last year. I've never officially "tried" with someone than my DH. There were a few times in my past I thought "maybe" but it didn't pan out so I don't count it!

I bought a basal thermometer. I have no idea what I'm doing or how to use it. Charts? No clue. Right now, I keep everything in an app and trust it's keeping everything up to date.

I'm also new to the boards. :)
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Re: *New user- feeling lost and ignorant

Postby cj9128 » Mon Jun 09, 2014 11:27 am

Hi Lichte,
I'm sorry you have to join our ranks of ignorance! I have really learned a lot in the last few weeks, though. The thing that really helped me the most was the Fertility Friend website. It teaches you everything you need to know about charting and temping, then analyzes all your signs/symptoms to tell you when you will/have ovulated and when to take a pregnancy test. There are also community boards there. They give you a free VIP membership for the first month and if I don't get pregnant this month, I'll definitely be buying the upgrade. The website has saved my sanity. I definitely recommend giving it a try. As for the basal thermometer: just take your temp at the same time every morning, either orally or vaginally. Use the same route (oral or vaginal) every day. Your temp will be lower before you ovulate, then jump a few 10th of a degree once you ovulate. Your temp will stay elevated until your next period or stay up indefinitely if you're pregnant! I really learned a lot by charting. Give it a try and see how the month goes for you. Good luck!!
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Re: *New user- feeling lost and ignorant

Postby JayneB » Thu Jun 26, 2014 7:14 am

Lichte1010 wrote:Well considering it took me 4 tries to figure out how the heck to log in and get started here, please consider me in your class of feeling "lost and ignorant"!!

I am 36. I will be 37 in a few months and even though I've had my period since I was 12, I'm finding there is so much I don't know! I don't know much about ovulation or TTC. I'm very new to all of this since we just married last year. I've never officially "tried" with someone than my DH. There were a few times in my past I thought "maybe" but it didn't pan out so I don't count it!

I bought a basal thermometer. I have no idea what I'm doing or how to use it. Charts? No clue. Right now, I keep everything in an app and trust it's keeping everything up to date.


I'm 36 and me and my BF have been trying to conceive since April 2013. After a year of no success, I started taking it more seriously - charting, using OPK's, etc. and, like you, learned that there was a TON that I didn't know about fertility, ovulation, etc. I recently went to a doctor to get more help and she put me on clomid - so this is my first cycle using it. I've read tons of success stories about people getting their BFP (Big Fat Positives) after only one round, so I'm staying hopeful. It does get frustrating when it seems that other people get pregnant, at the drop of a hat, yet there are so many women who have to work at getting pregnant. It doesn't seem fair sometimes.

For charting, I use a couple of different sites (mostly to see which one is most accurate). For charting your BBT (basal temp) the best thing to do is to make sure you temp the same time, every morning, before you even move. As soon as your alarm goes off, grab your thermometer and take your temperature. I have one with a backlight, so I can see the temperature even in the dark. I keep my phone next to the bed so that way, I can add my temp to my apps so that I don't forget to add them.

These are the sites that I use to track my cycle, BBT & other info:
http://monthlyinfo.com/ (To chart my cycles - I've been tracking my cycle with it, since 2008, so for me, it's the most accurate for predicting AF)
http://www.ovuline.com (Great for fertility data and ttc tips)
http://www.fertilityfriend.com (My favorite for BBT charting, keeping track of cervical mucus and when we had sex
BBT Thermometer (back-light): http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00ENS ... UTF8&psc=1

You can also get super cheap OPK's/ Pregnancy Test online. These are two of the sites/products I've used, but with a little googling, I'm sure you could find tons more.
http://www.early-pregnancy-tests.com/
http://www.babyhopes.com/
Blue Cross One Step: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00ENS ... UTF8&psc=1
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Re: *New user- feeling lost and ignorant

Postby Mintastic » Thu Jun 26, 2014 3:32 pm

CJ,
I am new and feeling ignorant too. Do you feel less so a month after your original post?

I feel what you said about talking about TTC/reactions/who to share with. People make the strangest assumptions. The number one thing is everyone I tell seems convinced I will get pregnant immediately. I think there is a lot of ignorance when it comes to how long it might actually take. I might have started earlier if I really understood the reality of irregular cycles post-bc and other factors.
People also assume this means I will be quitting my job at any moment - huh? Or criticizing me for having a coffee or a drink - um maybe I am on my period and know I am not pregnant yet???
I encourage you all to talk about it.
Ignorance can't be fought with silence.
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Re: *New user- feeling lost and ignorant

Postby cj9128 » Thu Jun 26, 2014 3:58 pm

Hi Mintastic,
I really felt so much more in control after temping/charting for a month. It all clicked together for me and I started to understand how my body was unique and was is normal for me. (Was totally having sex on the wrong days...I ovulated a full 48 hours after the OPK turned positive.) Also, read the boards on this website and on Fertility Friend. I learned so much from other people!

But, now I have a new thing to feel ignorant about because I'm 4 weeks pregnant. :)

I'm still being incredibly careful about who I talk to about our baby journey. My mom made an excellent point when she noted that the more people you involve in your private business, the more unwanted advice you have to endure. I wish I had thought of that 6 months ago when we started.

Truly, temping and charting were so helpful for me. I can't recommend that enough. And I do think there is something to be said for trying not to get too wound up in the technicality of it all--though I'm a total hypocrite for saying that. If someone has figured out how to "relax" about it all, I'd like to know the secret. I was actually so neurotic about it, my husband asked me if we could try abandoning the temping and documenting and just try having sex every other day because I was making him crazy....I cried at the suggestion. So, imagine my surprise that the month that we got pregnant was the month I was sure that we'd missed our fertile window so I'd given up and was just waiting for AF.

So what I've learned is that what works for one person almost certainly won't work for another. Which is completely maddening. I had to figure out who my "safe" people were to talk to about my stress. For me, I was my mom and my best friend, both of whom are out of state. I was able to cry to them on the phone and somehow not being face to face really helped. Someone should start a phone service to pair TTC women together so that they can cry to one another and not feel stupid.

Good luck to you, I hope you get your BFP soon!!
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Re: *New user- feeling lost and ignorant

Postby Mintastic » Thu Jun 26, 2014 5:13 pm

Thanks so much for the advice CJ and congratulations!!!!!

We have shared that we are trying with friends only. For whatever reasons we just don't want to tell family until it is actually successful - until then we get stupid questions without them knowing we have actually begun the journey - but such is life. :)
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