33 and want to start ttc #2 soon

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33 and want to start ttc #2 soon

Postby Salix » Sun Nov 16, 2014 1:22 pm

Hi all

Well, as the subject line says, I'm 33 and have an almost 2yr old ds. It was a long journey getting him. We ttc for 2yrs with no luck. Then my dh lost his job so we stopped ttc until our situation improved. I had the coil fitted, but didn't get on with it so had it removed a few months later. 1 month after, I found out I was pregnant! A complete surprise. Unfortunately I lost the baby at about 6 weeks but I was relieved to know we could get pregnant.
A few months later our situation changed enough to start ttc again. I got pregnant with our ds on our first 'proper' month of trying and I was ecstatic - I was really expecting it to take months/years again.

Fast forward to now, and I would like to start ttc #2. Of course, I am incredibly grateful to have 1 child, as I know it just doesn't happen for so many couples, but I'd love to complete our family with 1 last baby (sometimes I think I am crazy to want this as some days I am so exhausted from running after our ds and working part time I can't imagine adding a newborn to it! :) ). Unfortunately, my dh doesn't want any more children so I have some convincing to do. Since I am already 33 I don't feel that I have a lot of time to sit around waiting for him to change his mind, especially if it takes us a while to conceive again. At the same time, I don't want to nag him to the extent it's just a blanket 'no.'
Anyway, I'm hoping to directly ask him in the New Year if we can start ttc, or at least ask him to give it some serious thought.

I'd love to hear from others in a similar situation, or whether your dh changed his mind (or even if they didn't, and how you resolved this conflict).
Salix
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Re: 33 and want to start ttc #2 soon

Postby beelady » Mon Nov 17, 2014 1:54 am

I wanted a 3rd child but my dh didn`t because I had had post natal depression with the 1st two. DH would not change his mind and in the end I just put my efforts into our smallholding and work. 10 years later I fell pregnant accidentally and had our beautiful dd2, I cannot describe the happiness she has brought. I did not get post natal depression with her because I used progesterone therapy. It was only when we had dd2 that I realised how unhappy his decision had made me and how it had affected our marriage. My dh agreed to us trying for more children after dd2 and we now have ds2. We have been trying for another baby but I am getting old and I am going through my 3rd miscarriage, and I still bitterly resent losing those fertile years. My dh has apologised many times and realises what his decision cost us.

I did not cheat a baby out of him or try and trick him, we conceived dd2 after going out for dinner and having a few drinks and dtd. I cannot tell you how happy I felt staring at a bfp 3 weeks later. Having our 2 `later` children has brought us so much and everything has been so much easier and enjoyable without post natal depression.

I would advise you to sit down and explain to dh how important this is to you because life is too short for regrets and you will regret it if you do not try for another baby. I wish you luck and will kmfx that dh changes his mind soon.
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Re: 33 and want to start ttc #2 soon

Postby Lulabell25 » Mon Nov 17, 2014 12:30 pm

Hi Salix!

I am also 33 with an almost-2 year-old little toddler! He is almost 23 months. Amazingly, we got pregnant with him the first month we tried.

My husband and I knew we wanted a second child but as he is a teacher and off during the summer, we wanted to time it just right, so that we'd have a new baby while he wasn't working. So we were supposed to start trying in September, but I started to worry this summer that it wouldn't be so easy this time around and that we should just start trying earlier than we planned. That we should just see what happens. Well, my husband resisted and resisted, always giving some reason. It was a source of quite a bit of frustration between us. When September rolled around, he had even more excuses!! But I ended up reminding him of our timeline and I tried to kill his objections with kindness... I took a really soft but persistent approach and he finally gave in. He did express he was nervous it would be really hard for me to work if I got sick again (as I did with our first pregnancy -- I was ill the WHOLE nine months).

Anyway... we did start September as planned and have now been trying for three months and not pregnant yet. I hope I get pregnant this cycle but I don't think I am... :(

I just wish he had just acquiesced and let us start trying earlier; maybe we would be pregnant by now! Also, he is unwilling to change some of his unhealthy habits to improve our chances. I feel sad that he could be a reason why it is harder this time to conceive and I worry that we will not be able to get pregnant at all...

I'm not really sure how to convince a man set on not trying to be willing and open to it. Maybe if another dad he knows could talk to him and express to him the positive effects of having more than one? Maybe reminding him how great it would be for your ds#1 to have a sibling? Maybe lots of seduction? Haha... my husband responds well when I consciously avoid any complaints or criticisms for like at least a week. :D :D
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Re: 33 and want to start ttc #2 soon

Postby Salix » Mon Nov 17, 2014 2:13 pm

Hi Lulabell25 and beelady

Thank you both for replying, and for sharing your experiences.

I'm so sorry about your miscarriages beelady. Has a doctor been able to explain why they keep happening for you? I know what you mean about worrying that you're running out of fertile time. I'm so glad your accidental pregnancy worked out for your whole family though. Like yourself, I wouldn't dream of tricking my dh into a pregnancy - what a dishonest basis to start a new life! But I don't want this to eat away at our relationship. Unfortunately, it seems one of us will end up sacrificing what they want for the other. I think your advice re. not wanting any regrets is good, and something I will use when we do have 'the chat.' It's quite appropriate since dh is returning to study to pursue a lifelong dream - he put it off for a long time and wishes he'd done it sooner, so it's a feeling he can relate to.
I hope you have a successful pregnancy again soon :)

Lulabell25, how coincidental that we're in similar points in life! I was also sick throughout my pregnancy too (luckily never physically sick, but a horrible nausea day and night until 3 days after I had ds!
That must have taken a lot of patience to quell his objections with kindness (I am a little highly strung, so find patience difficult at the best of times!). Maybe that approach would work to change some of his habits?
My dh is friends with several other guys with kids but it hasn't really changed his mind. He's an only child so I wonder if maybe he doesn't really understand the virtue of having a sibling (although I admit that is a bit close-minded of me).
Sorry to hear you're still waiting for your BFP. Still, this might still be your month; you can never tell until af turns up. I had absolutely no symptoms with my ds. Good luck!
Salix babylonica
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Re: 33 and want to start ttc #2 soon

Postby Carebear725 » Tue Nov 18, 2014 8:35 am

My husband and I have a similar situation. We have one daughter and he was sold that he didn't want any more. I was able to convince him that she needed a sibling. After many conversations the only reason he didn't want more was because he "didn't want to go a whole year without sleep again." I was able to sell him that the days are long but the years are short and that it won't always be this hard. I sure hope to get pregnant soon so I don't have to temp or get serious about TTC. We are hoping it happens soon but without the stress of tryyyyying. Fingers crossed for all of us!
Me and DH- 30
DD- 19 months
TTC #2---BFP 1/26/15
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Re: 33 and want to start ttc #2 soon

Postby bbe » Tue Nov 18, 2014 3:32 pm

I'm also 33 with an almost two year old girl. I realize we are blessed to have her but I'm desperate to have a sibling for her, because I was an only child and it was and still is difficult. We had to do mini IVF to conceive her and right now cost of infertilty treatments is the main factor. But I'm praying a lot!
Me 34 DH 36
Ttc 1 since 2008
MFI, and blocked left tube
2 IUIs bfns
1st mini ivf bfn
2nd mini ivf bfp
DD born 2012
Ttc 2 2013
3rd mini ivf bfp
Miscarriage 7.5 weeks


When He decrees an affair, He only says to it "Be" and it is. (Quran 19:35)
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Re: 33 and want to start ttc #2 soon

Postby broody mum » Tue Feb 03, 2015 1:43 am

hi ladies,

I am 30 and have a 2 yr old boy. I think it took about 2 cycles to conceive him and we are very grateful for this.

DH is 31.

we are now TTC for number 2 and I am in the waiting zone! It is frustrating and a long wait! I 'm wondering if any of you have managed to conceive since the last post?

This time round i feel i've been more obsessed, you know looking at the ovulation day and timing it to give a higher chance. First time it just happaned and we went along with it, i seem to want it more this time round? Does this sound weird?

Nice to read stories on here from people going through the same things.
TTC #2
BFP in 2 cycles for #1 who is now 2.5
I'm 30, DH is 31
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Re: 33 and want to start ttc #2 soon

Postby tryingforbabyno2 » Wed Feb 18, 2015 8:49 am

This thread speaks to me.. I'm 31 and me and my Hubbie have 1 child (6yr old lil boy) and I want another child in the worst way. I cry and cry. my DR wants me to get an IUI and before I shell out the $$ for that I decided this month is the month that I will try as hard as possible. I was pregnant 3 yrs ago when our son was 3 and I had a very bad stomach infection that caused me to have an abortion and that is killing me daily. My angel would have been 3 now and my son would not be sooo lonely. Well now Im back and this month I promise to lose a lil more weight, eat right, and get this body back. This month I'm using Preseed, softcups and relying on my body to do what is has to do. Today Im in cycle day 14 and I cannot wait for my TWW
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