Feeling like it will never happen

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Feeling like it will never happen

Postby JBell84 » Tue Jul 10, 2018 7:57 am

I guess I'm just looking for a little hope. I'm 33 and we are on our third month of trying. With my ex, and at 23, it happened without even try and when we weren't looking to be pregnant. I miscarried. Now, here I am trying and nothing. We time it right every month, but it hasn't happened yet. I believe I'm ovulating...I get all the symptoms--EWCM, positive OPK, ovulation pain, and a regular period. I can't shake the feeling that something is wrong! I'm so paranoid that my eggs are bad or low. So now, here I sit -- 2 DPO and I feel nothing except my usual DPO symptoms.
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Re: Feeling like it will never happen

Postby BeeCee33 » Tue Jul 10, 2018 5:07 pm

First, take a deep breath and remember your are well within the normal time it takes a healthy couple to conceive. If you're under 35, they suggest you try for a whole year before seeking medical help! That being said, if you feel in your gut that you can't wait it out, make an appointment to discuss things with your doctor. Be aware that they will most likely tell you to go home and keep trying. I'd recommend trying for 6 cycles and then seeing your doctor. Because you're approaching that 35 age limit (where they then say to see a doctor after 6 months of no luck) you might find they take your concerns a bit more seriously than if you were to go in now.

Sometimes just having that future date can really help you relax and accept what comes. TTC is nerve wracking, and having been working on baby #2 for almost 2 years now, I can still admit that those first few months are actually the hardest in a lot of ways!

Keep in mind that it can take time to get in with your OBGYN (often the wait is a month or two) so maybe call to schedule if you get through 4 or 5 cycles with no luck.

Good luck!
Me (Becca): 33 DH:38

BFP Feb 20, 2017 :angel: mc @ 5 weeks

BFP June 2, 2017 :angel: mc @ 5 weeks

Henry James born 7/2015

Giving letrozole a try at 2.5 mg:
Cycle 1-- BFN
Cycle 2-- BFN
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Re: Feeling like it will never happen

Postby JBell84 » Tue Jul 10, 2018 8:06 pm

Thanks so much for taking the time to write genuine response. All of your advice is great. Definitely thought this was going to be easier. 2 years must be stressful. Do you mind my asking the source of you trouble and how you are dealing with it?
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Re: Feeling like it will never happen

Postby BeeCee33 » Thu Jul 12, 2018 11:24 am

I'm not going to lie, there were some very dark days in there, mostly around the time of my losses. But the last one was over a year ago and I have gotten to a much better place mentally. Once you actually know you're in it for the long haul, it doesn't hurt so much when AF shows up.

I had a lot of trouble finding the right doctor, mostly because I had an established OBGYN who wasn't taking me seriously. After 2 losses he basically said I needed 3 to "count" as recurrent loss and warrant looking into things. He wouldn't so much as test my progesterone and told me I needed to go to a specialist, which he was happy to send me to, if I wanted to look into things further. He told me I was overweight and heading for diabetes, so I should go home, lose some weight, and keep trying and I'd be fine. I wasted months trying to lose weight and wondering what all was wrong with me. Since I had one baby easily, he thought I was "probably fine."

I had finally had enough after several months of no luck and talked to my primary care doctor who connected me with my new OBGYN and I LOVE her. The only mention of my weight and high hemoglobin A1c (mine indicated borderline pre-diabetes) she touched on was that they are a SYMPTOM of a hormonal imbalance, not a cause. She didn't seem to care much about my weight at all (although I do need to lose quite a bit). We checked my progesterone after O and it was so low she thought I hadn't even O'd. But I've never not O'd. I've tracked ovulation for YEARS and confirmed it with opks and temping (even though I only use opks now). I can feel when I'm about to O, and my LP is very consistent/AF shows up when I expect it. That cycle was no different, so the conclusion was that my ovulations were very weak-- basically I was spitting out immature eggs, which resulted in a crappy corpus luteum. Since the corpus luteum is what produces progesterone, that was super low. So even if that poor quality egg got fertilized, there wasn't enough progesterone to support it through implantation and beyond.

So we're trying letrozole (femara) now. It blocks your body's estrogen receptors which essentially tricks your body into pumping out more sex hormones, including FSH which stimulates the ovaries to produce healthy follicles. It can either work by making one nice, strong follicle with a good, mature egg, or more than one, which increases your odds each cycle.

I'm currently in my tww of cycle 2 on letrozole. Last cycle I felt like I was back in those nerve wracking early days. I felt like I had to do everything perfectly and I wanted it to work SO bad. It was the first cycle I've cried in a long time when I realized I wasn't pregnant. It didn't help that my super competitive SIL announced her pregnancy the day before I tested. :( But this cycle we were on vacation before O, then it snuck up on me as soon as we got home, so we only had time to get 2 BDs in. I have a lot going on this month (my son turns 3 in 2 weeks and I have a party to plan!) so I just feel like I'm not so obsessively analyzing everything. I'm hoping this more relaxed approach results in a bfp. If not, I keep reminding myself of the big picture. If letrozole doesn't work in 6 cycles, we'll do IUI in December. So really I'm hoping to be pregnant by the new year!
Me (Becca): 33 DH:38

BFP Feb 20, 2017 :angel: mc @ 5 weeks

BFP June 2, 2017 :angel: mc @ 5 weeks

Henry James born 7/2015

Giving letrozole a try at 2.5 mg:
Cycle 1-- BFN
Cycle 2-- BFN
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My Ovulation Chart
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Re: Feeling like it will never happen

Postby JBell84 » Wed Jul 18, 2018 10:50 am

What a journey you've had. It sounds like you are on the right track now. I wish you nothing but the best. It looks like this cycle, cycle 3, will be another bust for me. I can just feel that something isn't right. For me, fertility treatments aren't covered anyhow, so I've decided I'm not going to wait. I have an appointment next month to discuss my options. Please let me know you TWW outcome. I'm sending so much hope and positivity your way. :hb: :hb:
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Re: Feeling like it will never happen

Postby BeeCee33 » Wed Jul 18, 2018 6:44 pm

Sorry about this cycle. :( FYI, there is a LOT a helpful OBGYN can do for you. I don't have any fertility coverage, which is why I didn't want to have to see an RE. But when I called my insurance company to figure out what was covered, I found out they consider an RE a specialist and I actually could see one, but it was subject to my existing deductible and rules for number of doctors appointments per year, etc. They do not cover any fertility meds or procedures. I ended up finding my current OBGYN who can do everything but IVF. The way they bill a lot of stuff means it's covered. All of my blood work was covered, as well as my SIS (ultrasound where they fill up your uterus with saline to look for scar tissue or polyps). Even my letrozole is covered because it's a breast cancer drug being used off label! The only thing I'd have to pay for outright is IUI, which this clinic does for less than $500. So really, I was surprised at how much was covered after they told me I had no fertility coverage!

I'm 11 dpo today and I'm way too scared to test. I think I'm going to wait for AF, which is due Sunday, but I don't know. I'm going crazy!
Me (Becca): 33 DH:38

BFP Feb 20, 2017 :angel: mc @ 5 weeks

BFP June 2, 2017 :angel: mc @ 5 weeks

Henry James born 7/2015

Giving letrozole a try at 2.5 mg:
Cycle 1-- BFN
Cycle 2-- BFN
Image
My Ovulation Chart
User avatar
BeeCee33
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Posts: 3191
Joined: Mon Oct 06, 2014 6:44 pm
Location: Mt. Vernon, Washington, USA


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