Jealousy of siblings

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Jealousy of siblings

Postby KinsyB » Mon Aug 01, 2011 6:25 am

Hi girls. This is my first post since joining the TTC forum. I'm feeling a little emotional of late with the whole TTC. I came off the pill in June last year. We wasn't really "trying" for the remainder of the year i.e. we weren't really "at it" enough! But since the beginning of this year we have been "trying". So far, nothing which is upsetting as it is but I have recently been dealt a double blow by hearing my sister and now (only found out yesterday) my brother's girlfriend is pregnant). I was SO happy when by sister had her first child and I adore my niece, but I'm just not feeling the excitement and love I felt for my sister first time round. All I could think about when I heard she was pregnant is how jealous I am. I was so upset because I thought the jealousy made me a bad person and I felt awful for not being happy for my sister. Now my brother's announcement has arrived I just want to scream "why isn't it me!!!!". His girlfriend had an eptopic about a year ago so has beaten me to it even though she only has one ovary!! My sister and I have always dreamed of us both having babies and the cousins being close etc etc and now it's my brother who will be providing the cousin and his girlfriend that will be swapping pregancy stories with my sister. All the hand-me-downs (I have bought many a decent outfit for my niece which I was hoping would come my way shoudl I have a girl!) could be going my brother's way. My sister, who said she would help me with childcare when I have a baby is already thinking about offering her services to my brother. By the time I have a child they'll be nothing passed my way and no childcare options available to me. I feel such an awful person to feel this way, but I can't help feeling bitter, jealous, emotional etc about it all. My brother still lives at home with my mum and hasn't got a bean to his name, and is so in debt he'll never get a mortgage/be able to afford rent. Whereas my husband and I have a lovely life, good jobs, a lovely home (we bought a 3 bed house in preparation for having babies) and so much love to give. We're so ready and getting so frustrated with TTC. Anyone else have a sibling that they're jealous of? Do you feel as rubbish as I do for feeling that way??
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Postby SaraElise » Mon Aug 01, 2011 8:19 am

I really understand where you're coming from. My DH and I decided to wait until after we were married to start TTC. We've been married since April and although we haven't been TTC long EVERYONE else around me has gotten pregnant. My sister-in-law had an "oops" was basically forced to marry my brother-in-law (DH's brother) doesn't work and they can barely pay their bills yet my DH and I waited until we were financilly ready to start TTC and nothing. I think to myself "We're ready, financially, mentally and any other kind of ready you need to be to get pregnant and it hasn't worked." I hate the feeling of being jealous (I'm not that kind of person) because having a child really is a blessing but it is hard not to be. I think what hurts the most is that I feel like my DH and I have kind of been pushed out of the way because we don't have kids. I try not to think about it because it stresses me out, which isn't good. I guess all you can do is pray (if you do that) and have patience. I know it's hard but I'm sure it will happen when we're least expecting it.
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Me (Sara): 28 Normal, Unexplained Infertility, 50mg of Clomid to see if it will help!

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Postby KinsyB » Mon Aug 01, 2011 9:09 am

It feels so nice to hear someone else that feels the same. Like you, I'm not normally a jealous person and always want the best for family, but I just can't help feeling low about it. Now I've got the best part of 9 months to listen to them swapping pregnancy stories that I just don't want to hear. The last thing I'm going to want to have to do is excuse myself from family functions, but the way I feel right now I just can't face listening to it. I am praying I get pregnant before they both give birth, so I can join in the excitement rather than sitting in the corner scowling at the mums to be!!

I totally understand the whole feeling left out thing too. ALL of our friends have children, and all they seem to do it talk about our children when we get together. I used to love hearing stories about their beautiful babies, now it's the last thing I want to hear/talk about. Can't they talk about something (anything) other than their children!! We've even been excluded from social occasions as we don't have children. That really does put the boot in!!
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Postby ane8903 » Wed Aug 10, 2011 6:11 am

I have to say I am the same way. My DH doesn't understand as much, but we have been trying for 2 years and its now I'm getting to the point where I don't even know if I want to try anymore.
My sister in law (DH's sister) is at the hospital now (induced last night). When I found out she was pregnant I just cried and cried.
Just about everyone I know has children and if 1 more person tells me to relax it will happen I'm gonna smack them!!!

So I know what your feeling :(

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Postby ChopstixNancy » Sat Aug 13, 2011 1:34 pm

You're not alone and it makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone with my feelings of jealousy, depression, and doubt.
While my sibling isn't ttc. It seems that all my friends are getting pregnant at the drop of a hat! They think pregnancy and it happens and DH and I get left in the leftover baby dust month after month.
I too am tired of hearing "Don't worry it'll happen" and "just stop trying" or "you're stressing yourself out". I just scream and cry into my pillow so no one can hear me. I hate all the self pity too! This sucks!
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Postby KinsyB » Fri Aug 19, 2011 7:25 am

Thanks girls. Nice to know I'm not alone. EVERYONE I know has children, and even when they tell me they went through the same and it took them time to conceive, it's no consulation because they ended up with babies in the end.
I think I'm really going to struggle seeing my sister and sister-in-law together in the same room comparing baby bumps and stories. I dread the first time when that happens and at the moment all I can think is that I'll be avoiding family get togethers like the plague for the next 7 months. Even then, if I'm not pregnant by the time the babies are born I'm even going to find it depressing sharing in the joy when everyone's coo-ing over the newborns. There used to be a time when I'd be delighted to hear of a friend/family member being pregnant as it was a great excuse to go out and buy baby clothes. Now I'm dreading it :-(
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I can`t stop weeping and want to be happy for sister

Postby Writergirl » Wed Sep 07, 2011 5:53 pm

So i went to the doctor today and was told i need to get some blood tests for my hormone levels. My sister went in before me as she is two weeks along. I started crying as soon as the doc came in and felt like such an idiot. How do others cope with the steady flow of tears?
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Postby KinsyB » Thu Sep 08, 2011 7:59 am

I think you just have to try and focus on the good stuff in your life and try not to let TTC rule you. As desperate as I am to conceive, I can't let it consume me. I'm still struggling to show excitement for my siblings who are expecting but I'm getting better. I have a great husband, lovely house, good job, 2 or 3 holidays a year plus all the social life I want. I can spend my wages on me and buy things and go out whenever I want. I haven't got the baby, but my life isn't bad. When you see awful things happening in the world it puts things in to perspective. I'm waiting for December as that will be the 18 month mark and the Dr will finally start testing. Why do you have to wait SO LONG??!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I will continue to try and stay positive and focus on all the good stuff I have in my life. xxxx
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Postby Rimsha42 » Wed Sep 14, 2011 3:55 am

Wonderful sharing thanks
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Postby cobained » Mon Sep 19, 2011 10:08 pm

I think these feelings are some of the hardest things about TTC. My husband and I have been married almost 9 years, TTC for 4, several cycles of clomid, HSG, laparoscopy, just finished my first round of follistim/novarel/now on progesterone, and nothing. Not a single positive test in all that time. And yet my sister, which all sorts of weird repro anatomy, has managed to have 3 kids in 4 years (just had the 3rd 2 weeks ago). My other sister, with precancer pap smears and low sperm count husband, had a boy who just turned a year old. Me? Textbook cycle, everything looks perfect, nothing.

And of course that's just my sisters...cousin had an oops one night stand sort of pregnancy, best friend has had 2 kids, other friends have 1. I hate that all of this is making me not want to talk to or be around my family or friends, and of course you feel even worse because you feel that way! Glad I'm not the only one.
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Postby Ravyndancer » Sat Dec 31, 2011 5:31 pm

I'm not proud of this, but I pretty much avoided my SIL until she was 5 months along, but only because it was Christmas! She got pregnant on her first try and although 6 months is not a super long time, I am not feeling very hopeful as next month I turn 38 and have never ever had BFP. I felt her baby bump and felt a little kick, and although it was cool and I'm excited for them, it totally makes me feel depressed. You are not alone in this. I feel the same way...
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Postby cherimartin86 » Fri Jan 13, 2012 11:53 pm

I am embarassed to admit it and feel selfish, but I too am jealous of siblings. Both my younger sisters and step-sister had unplanned babies last year and my sister-in-law is almost ready to have her second. I tortured myself and threw her baby shower last weekend, that was so hard. I teach at the high school level and just found out that 2 teenagers are pregnant too. My co-worker is pregnant as well. It is so hard not to just cry and be jealous and resent some people. It is not fair, but I will blame it on hormones :D
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Postby MrsR » Sat Jan 21, 2012 7:55 pm

Two of my best friends are pregnant along with a lot of other acquaintances and friends, plus just about EVERYONE else I work with who is of child-bearing age. I think I know how you feel. I can't bear to be around them at the moment. One of my friends I'm really happy for, although she DID get pregnant the first month of trying, but the other... well, I've been married much longer than her, and when we were younger she always used to say she hated the idea of having a baby, whereas I've always wanted to.

I've always been the kind of person who made a big fuss of people when they were pregnant or had their babies, visited in the hospital, visited at home, thoughtful gifts, etc etc. Now I feel like it's my turn, my time - not to be lavished with attention, just to have a baby! But apparently it's not.
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Postby shellsbellsxx » Mon Mar 19, 2012 11:11 am

When my best friend fell pregnant i was the first person she told and i was so happy for her yet so jealous at the same time! It was an awful feeling :oops: I cried myself to sleep so many times. She asked me to be godmother to her son and even on the day of the christening i shed tears for what i was missing. I love him so much, he's such a great little boy.

With my Ex partner my chances of having my own child were only 20% even with ixi so resigned myself to a childless life. our relationship broke down 6 years later and I'm currently ttc with my partner of 4 years.

However my Best friend told me last saturday night she is expecting #2 and she told me didn't know how to tell me, how awful did that make me feel! I'm so happy for her and hope to be not far behind her - would love to pregnant together, it would be so great!

Here's hoping!!

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