Trying for #1!

A special board for anyone TTC #1

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Trying for #1!

Postby lady_lizzie1119 » Sat Sep 08, 2012 3:20 pm

Hi everyone :) I'm Liz and DH and I are both 20 years old trying for our first. I have no known reproductive problems and DH is healthy as a horse. However I DO have depression and anxiety pretty badly. Is anyone else going through this? It makes the tww pretty unbearable and horrible at times. It's like I'll get the neg and then it just feels like all hope is lost. Not like "this is awful and next cycle is so far away!" Its more as if my spirit is crushed and "nope nope no more trying it'll never be my turn" I can't help it. It's just a reaction I have and DH will stay up for hours soothing me and trying to get me back to normal. If you're wondering then yes he is a Superhero haha

This whole thing is amazing and devastating and I just wanted to know if I was as alone as I feel. Stupid depression -kicks the bad thoughts-
lady_lizzie1119
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Postby tak024 » Sat Sep 08, 2012 5:54 pm

Welcome lady_lizzy!

This is the perfect place to be, especially if waiting is so hard. I'm sure all the women here feel the same way as you do, and the support we find on this site is terrific.

Don't feel alone if you feel like it will never happen. Just last cycle AF got me when I was about 98% sure I was pregnant because of all the symptoms I had and I had to take an early lunch at work to bawl my eyes out in peace and I felt that I didn't want to try anymore. Everyone here knows what you're going through during the tww and will offer all the support you could ever want!

Also, you have a spectacular DH for the support he gives you...
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Postby lady_lizzie1119 » Sat Sep 08, 2012 11:33 pm

Yeah DH is definitely my white knight haha I didn't know it was possible for a someone to be so resiliant and comforting all at once. I'm not easy to handle when I get so low. But somehow he sticks through it until I see that I was being a butthead and apologize.

I had that happen to me too!!!! So positive that it was my month. Planning names, feeling great about it but scared at the prospect of it being so demanding and new, starting eating better all to just get that god forsaken negative :( crushing. I cried so hard. I thought this would get easier to deal with every time but... I guess not huh?

Its good to know though that I have my splendiferous husband and a lot of other women in the same boat, along for the same bumpy ride.
lady_lizzie1119
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Postby lady_lizzie1119 » Wed Sep 12, 2012 2:27 pm

And that good feeling is gone. Now I am doubting my ability to parent. Stressing about finances and scared of the world I would be bringing him/her into. This place can be as breathtakingly beautiful as it is insanely cruel. Do I want my children to put up with that? I don't know. My head is a flurry of doubt and self-loathing. Plus I just realized that I would rather take a chance of an infection entering my blood stream and possibly killing me than spending the 500 dollars to get it fixed. Monthly plan and everything, we have the money... just extremely not okay with seeing it wasted on me. Maybe we shouldn't even be trying in the first place... sigh. You women were wonderful for the short while I was here. Thanks for listening.
lady_lizzie1119
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