Thinking about #2 but scared about depression...

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Thinking about #2 but scared about depression...

Postby kingh84 » Tue Jan 27, 2015 5:37 am

Hi everyone! My DS is coming up to 17 months and during the first year I really struggled emotionally and quite likely had a bit of pnd but got through with a lot of help from my Mum and my husband. Because of this I thought it would be a really long time before I thought about having another one but I've recently found myself thinking about it a LOT!! My husband is keen because he's always wanted a small gap between any kids we have but I'm worried about not being able to cope with two and going back to feeling so low. Since about 9 months I was generally much happier and since 1 year I do feel happy and myself again most days which is great. We definitely have our bad days but I love being a Mum now and look forward to adding to our family. Is it too soon though? Do I really want to go back to the newborn days so soon?? What are your experiences with the age gap between your LOs and do you wish you'd waited longer etc etc? How do toddlers as young as 2 react to a new baby? How do you look after your toddler all day when sleep deprived etc and can't even nap during the day like you can with the first?? I can't imagine how it's possible but I know it must be because people do it all the time lol Any thoughts and advice please!!! Feeling really confused and scared... so broody but scared at the same time!! xxx
ME - 31
DH - 27
DS - 1
BFP #2 17/03/2015 (10dpo)
EDD #2 28/11/2015


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Re: Thinking about #2 but scared about depression...

Postby dreamermama » Wed Jan 28, 2015 5:28 pm

Your story sounds like mine!! After the birth of my first I had pretty bad depression for the first year, afterwards it just kept getting better and better. I really regret not seeing a therapist or a professional but my husband and my friend really helped me through it. My baby is 2 years old now! We are very ready for a second! But I am worried about ppd again, I still have relapses now and again. I think this time, and I would advise it to you as well, I will tell my midwife right away about the depression from last time and see if she can refer me to any specialists. It was so hard to go through I don't want to go through it again, but if I have to I want to be prepared. My friend has 3 babies under two! The second pregnancy ended up being twins! Lol. She says it's extremely hard, but after the first year it has just gotten easier. She needed a lot of help from friends an family just so she could a nap in or cleaning done, though I imagine it's easier with a singleton!
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Re: Thinking about #2 but scared about depression...

Postby kingh84 » Thu Jan 29, 2015 2:36 am

Thanks so much for your reply! Yes you are in a very similar situation to me! I'm so sorry to hear you went through a hard time too. We will also probably end up waiting until my son is nearing 2 before ttc I think... In my case, I think I was a bit deluded as to how hard it would be having a baby and being 30, I was used to my independent life and doing everything I wanted when I wanted etc so I think for me it was such a huge shock to have this little thing so dependent on me and I couldn't really share the burden because I was breastfeeding. Also I was paranoid about everything and felt guilty about almost everything. I wanted to give up breastfeeding but didn't because I felt guilty... and then when I eventually did things immediately got so much better! I already know that my attitude will be different this time and I know I will be fighting/surviving through the beginning waiting for it to get easier but at least we both know this time that it DOES get easier and we know what to expect!! I don't think I'll ever be completely ready to go back to the newborn days really but I suppose the longer I wait the harder it might be because it might be a big shock again! I think if my little one was 2 already I would definitely go for it so you should if you and your husband are both keen :) Are you ttc at the mo? And yes, let your midwife know at the beginning so you can get a support network in place. You might not need it but knowing it's there could be a big help. Last time my midwife was a little concerned about me when she did the home visits so gave me the questionnaire to see if I was depressed but I didn't score high enough so that was the end of that! I wasn't depressed as far as she was concerned. I think I just needed sleep and a break and changing to bottle feeding (at 4 months) gave me that, so that was the beginning of me feeling better. Did you breastfeed? How would you describe your relapses? I get very stressed when my lo has a tantrum which he's started doing a lot lately. Nowadays he tantrums at any clothes changes, nappy changes, toothbrushing etc etc and he goes through really clingy phases where he won't even let me wash up and is clinging at my legs crying!! In those times I feel so stressed and think, how can I have another one!! But then I look at my neighbours with their 4 year old boy and 2 year old girl and I think how much I want that family unit. Anyway, thanks again for sharing with me and pm me if you want to chat more!! xx
ME - 31
DH - 27
DS - 1
BFP #2 17/03/2015 (10dpo)
EDD #2 28/11/2015


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kingh84
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