im here again :(

Support for anyone experiencing a miscarriage or looking for support from others who have been there.

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im here again :(

Postby orionslight » Mon Mar 26, 2012 4:27 am

on saturday i used my doppler to listen for my babys hb like i always do and i couldnt find it. for 3 hours i tried. so i went to l&d where they confirmed my baby had died.....i was 14 weeks 5 days. i thought i was safe. i delivered my little angel boy rand on 3/24 at around 10:55 p.m. he was 2 ounces and 6 inches long, and he looked so sweet and perfect. i am beyond devastated...my soul is bleeding :( i wish anyone who had experienced a loss around this time would share their experiences with me....how long their cycle took to come back, how long the hcg hung around, if they found a reason why...please help me.

it may seem callous that i would like to try again asap, but i need some hope somewhere...kwim?
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Loss July 2015@ 11+3, girl Artemis
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Postby unaffected » Mon Mar 26, 2012 5:53 am

I don't have an experience to share with you, as my loss was significantly earlier than yours, but I wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts.

And I don't think there is any set amount of time you should wait before trying again. I think it's all on an individual basis, and if you think it will help you, I say go for it.

Big hugs your way! :hugs:
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Postby orionslight » Mon Mar 26, 2012 6:09 am

thank you kara
Baby Ireland is here! 4-18-2014
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Loss July 2015@ 11+3, girl Artemis
Loss June 2016@ 13+5, baby boy
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Postby maddy » Mon Mar 26, 2012 10:59 am

Oh no Im so sorry!! :hugs:
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Postby Rubyru » Mon Mar 26, 2012 11:10 am

I was over 16 weeks but 21 by dates. HCG was not monitored but I was scanned a couple of weeks after due to excessive bleeding but they could see no reason for it. It went on for 3 months and I had back to back anti-biotics in case of infection. After 3 months I had a d&c despite them never seeing anything remaining on any scan. My cycle did seem to return as every few weeks even while bleeding I would get 4 or 5 days where it would be soooo much heavier I could not leave the house.

HCG tends to take quite a dip after the loss but can take some weeks to go completely. Exercise and plenty of fluid is supposed to help process it out of your system.
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Postby HawkeyeGirl16 » Mon Mar 26, 2012 12:52 pm

:hugs: I'm so sorry for your loss. After losing the triplets, I was able to take provera to get things moving along so that we could start TTC again just 7weeks after I delivered them at19w4d. I was like you in that I felt like it would help give me some hope again if we started trying again as soon as I could. My RE didn't monitor betas with that loss so I'm not sure how long HCG hung around for. With my 8w3d loss it took exactly one month for my betas to finally be negative.
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Postby MaybeLater » Mon Mar 26, 2012 1:52 pm

Oh my goodness I am so sorry :( I had a loss around the same time at 15w1d and he was also a little boy. I also had to "give birth". I was(still am) devastated. I had gotten into car accident right outside the hospital where I was going for my appt. It broke my water and I had absolutely no amniotic fluid. My doctor told me he had 1% of living. He actually saved my life. It was a head on collision and my car was totaled. I still get teary eyed when I think about him. I have been trying ever since. We are all here for you when ever you want to talk. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

And to answer your question, my period came exactly 4 weeks after the m/c.
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Postby orionslight » Mon Mar 26, 2012 4:57 pm

thank you all so much. i needed so much to hear from you guys, and i appreciate beyond words that you took the time to answer. i am sorry to all of you wonderful ladies for your losses, and i feel like maybe i have some hope at the end of this very dark tunnel. i know i may never have a reason why this happened, and all the people i had contact with in the hospital just made me feel worried that this will be a recurring event, despite the fact that i have had 10 healthy children.

i ordered some books on miscarriage and hope to find some insight in those as well. i know i am so very blessed to have my wonderful supportive kids (they have really tried for me, my son luke was with me the whole time the baby was born and even stayed all night in the hospital with me) but in all honesty it doesnt make losing one any easier. i hate when people tell me i shouldnt be sad, that i should just be glad for what i have ( like im not??). anyways, sorry for the rant and thanks all of you, this means alot to me right now, and will forever.

and hawkeyegirl, you have been an inspiration to me ever since i started following your story quite some time ago. love you all
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Loss June 2016@ 13+5, baby boy
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Postby trisharenee » Tue Mar 27, 2012 1:40 pm

It breaks my heart to hear about your loss. When I read what happened it brought me to tears instantly. Every loss is so hard and so hard to understand. I still have troubles coming to terms with my 3 losses. And I agree it does NOT help when people tell you to be happy with the healthy children you do have...makes me want to slap them. But all those uncomfortable "supportive" comments are from people who do not understand and cannot even begin to understand if they have not been through a loss themselves. Again I am so so so sorry for your loss. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I wish you strength. Remember we are always here for you :hb:

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Postby mommyofgirls » Thu Mar 29, 2012 3:44 pm

Lots of hugs. From the bottom of my heart I am so sorry. I don't think this will be a recurring theme. I think it's understandable and normal to feel that way. I felt like I would never get pregnant with a healthy baby again after mine and I already had 2 healthy babies prior and 2 healthy babies after. I wish it would never happen to anyone. Ever. My BFF had a stillbirth at 38weeks and no cause was found. She had 2 healthy babies afterwards. So it does happen all the time. Have you watched the Duggars epioside on her loss? I'm not sure if it's recent or not mine said repeat. I did for the first time last night. It really made me think about it differently. I still struggle with mine 4yrs later. She is such an amazing strong woman. You will have another baby momma in your arms. Lots of hugs! We are here when you need us.
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Postby maybeaboynow » Fri Mar 30, 2012 4:53 am

Big hugs...I hope you recover emotionally and physically as well soon, I believe it is very very hard...I was shocked when your DH wrote on the pg board...I couldnt believe whet I was reading :( .has been thinking of you ever since.....:hugs:
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Postby orionslight » Fri Mar 30, 2012 4:56 am

well tomorrow will be a week. i feel more hopeful sometimes, but there are so many times i go to rub my belly and its gone, or i remember the way he looked...so tiny. i loved his tiny little mouth and his fingers and toes. i wish i could have held him forever....i will in my heart, but even tho he was so small i loved to hold him and hated to give him up and say goodbye. life can be so unfair, but i thank God sooo much for giving me this tiny angel who has brought so many things into my life, i will forever love and cherish this sweet baby and his memory.

my mom found me the cutest teddy bear urns, and i got one for rand and one for gabriel, the little baby boy i lost in 2004 due to blood loss from surgery. now my little lost boys will have something nice, and i can spruce uo their memory cabinet, and then when i die both my boys can be buried with me. thanks for your continued support.
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Loss June 2016@ 13+5, baby boy
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Postby Chelsea31 » Sat Mar 31, 2012 5:40 am

My heart breaks for you, I can't believe you had to go through something like that :( my best friend had to deliver her daughter at 20 weeks last year..she never developed her kidneys so they knew she wouldn't survive. She took her foot prints and had them tattooed on her wrist in pink. I pray you find peace in this tragic time..find the strength to keep moving forward. Pray you get your blessing!!
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