Am I an awful person...

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Am I an awful person...

Postby melwing » Thu Aug 23, 2012 12:11 pm

I am in the middle of my first miscarriage with my first pregnancy after the first month we ever even tried to conceive. I am in pain and an emotional mess...but what makes it worse is I just want it to be over so I can try again. It doesn't seem fair to the little bean that tried to grow inside me these past 6 weeks. This is why I feel like an absolute horrible person. Is it normal to want to just try again? I feel very empty and completely different than I did a week ago and I just want to have that motherly feeling again. : :|
Image m/c - Aug. 22, 2012 - 6w3d
BFP - Dec. 11, 2012
1st Beta - Dec. 12, 2012 - 18
2nd Beta - Dec. 14, 2012 - 52
3rd Beta - Dec. 20, 2012 - 2,133
HB - 93 bpm - Dec. 28, 2012 - measured 6 weeks
HB - 173 bpm - Jan. 15, 2013 - measured 8 weeks 4 days
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Postby rivvyb513 » Thu Aug 23, 2012 1:47 pm

don't feel bad. I've always thought that the child you have next is still the same one, the same soul just it didn't work out the first time. So it's not really wanting this child to be over with just wanting to continue it's life as another baby. I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone grieves differently don't feel bad about how you are feeling.
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Postby melwing » Thu Aug 23, 2012 2:45 pm

Thanks for the reply. I am just angry. I am not okay. I am dazed and want to crawl in a hole. I have realize it isn't even that I want it over with to try again, I just want it over with and to go back to normal. I guess I am grieving the loss. I am afraid to talk to people that never knew it happened that know we are newlyweds that will ask when are we going to grow our family. Maybe I am being selfish...maybe it is coming off of the hormones...but not an hour goes by that I don't feel like crying.
Image m/c - Aug. 22, 2012 - 6w3d
BFP - Dec. 11, 2012
1st Beta - Dec. 12, 2012 - 18
2nd Beta - Dec. 14, 2012 - 52
3rd Beta - Dec. 20, 2012 - 2,133
HB - 93 bpm - Dec. 28, 2012 - measured 6 weeks
HB - 173 bpm - Jan. 15, 2013 - measured 8 weeks 4 days
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Postby Rosie-o » Thu Aug 23, 2012 3:17 pm

Honey, I am so very sorry for your loss. Everything you are feeling is completely normal. Try not to feel guilty or bad for feeling anything!! Just try to rest and look after yourself. PM me if you feel like chatting more, I've experienced a lot of loss. It's devastating and I feel for you. xxx
Me: 32
Him: 31
DD 1 : 3rd feb 2010
DD 2: Stillborn @ 20 weeks 1st March 2012
DS: 31st Aug 2013
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Postby melwing » Thu Aug 23, 2012 4:20 pm

Thank you Rosie. And I will take you up on that pm sometime, but I am in a really angry state right now and do not feel like talking today. I have moved from guilt to anger. My emotions are all over the place. I just don't know what to talk about to make it better....but I really appreciate having these boards and being able to rant my feelings and to people that understand and can make me feel not so crazy. I don't have that right now. My DH is great, but grieving as well. So Rosie thank for the offer, you will be hearing from me soon.... Just not today.... :cry:
Image m/c - Aug. 22, 2012 - 6w3d
BFP - Dec. 11, 2012
1st Beta - Dec. 12, 2012 - 18
2nd Beta - Dec. 14, 2012 - 52
3rd Beta - Dec. 20, 2012 - 2,133
HB - 93 bpm - Dec. 28, 2012 - measured 6 weeks
HB - 173 bpm - Jan. 15, 2013 - measured 8 weeks 4 days
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Postby Rosie-o » Thu Aug 23, 2012 10:59 pm

I'll be here. :hugs:
Me: 32
Him: 31
DD 1 : 3rd feb 2010
DD 2: Stillborn @ 20 weeks 1st March 2012
DS: 31st Aug 2013
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