This feeling doesn't feel temporary anymore

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This feeling doesn't feel temporary anymore

Postby fortune313 » Tue Apr 30, 2013 10:37 am

I had an ectopic pregnancy last year (we found out 09/13/12 that we were pregnant - by October we knew the pregnancy was ectopic). Our baby would have been due next month. I can normally keep my emotions under control but right now I feel like I'm getting really low again. I have finals coming up so that isn't helping my stress. I also "broke up" with my infertility specialist a few months ago (we had several difference of opinions and with our insurance we aren't able to go see a new one).

I hate thinking that I could have seen my baby next month, I could have met her face to face. I could have kissed her beautiful toes, and nursed her soundly to sleep. I prayed for her, I still do. I also pray that she helps to send us a baby we can keep. I just don't feel very hopeful anymore. We've tried several other rounds of clomid, I most recently tried soy (didn't even ovulate on it). I just feel... devastated. I just feel deep in my heart that I won't be able to have any more children. And I feel like I don't have a right to be upset, because there are people in such worse positions in this world. But I'm still upset. I still can't stop crying. I know that every September and every May I will feel this pain.. I really wanted my baby.

I know this section doesn't really get a lot of visitors. But sometimes it just helps to get these feelings out somewhere.
Me (31) DH (33)


BFP 05.31.09!!! (after almost 3 years of trying!!!)
EDD: 02.11.10
Preeclampsia: Induced at 35 weeks.
01/09/10 our baby boy was born :)


Currently TTC #2 (07/2011)

Dx: PCOS, Factor V Leiden, MTHFR C677T & A1298C

Miscarriages - 8
Ectopic - 1

*Praying on a miracle for #2*
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Re: This feeling doesn't feel temporary anymore

Postby Sen » Thu May 02, 2013 10:24 am

Hey fortune.. Guess there aren't many of us ectopic survivers lurking around here.. but I am one of them and I know exactly how you are feeling.
I fell pregnant in September 2012 too, (must have been the month for EP's huh?!!) and mine ruptured at 9 weeks! I lost my fallopian tube :doh:

I also m/c'ed a few months before that - so I have two anniversarys of my babies 'due dates' to mourn.

Im currently 5 days away from the 1st anniversary, and my EP was due on 8th July.
I still go over to the pregnancy boards once a week and look at all the baby bump pics the girls have posted - knowing how that should have been me. It's quite heart-breaking to see, I don't really know why I torture myself by doing it?

I suppose the only thing that really keeps me going is that every month brings new hope. Im 2DPO today and really looking forward to a BFP again (albeit terrified of it being an EP again). I know in my heart that if the worst really comes to the worst, I still have IVF to try.

Please try to keep your chin up - you aren't alone in how you feel.

We will get there girl!!!! We survived an EP - darn, we are strong lassies ;)
Charlotte (34) DF (23) DS1 (2)
'One n Done' for now.

:angel2: M/C 4th Sep 2012
:angel2: Ectopic & Left-Side Salpingectomy 4th Dec 2012
:bfp: 11th July 2013
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Re: This feeling doesn't feel temporary anymore

Postby hunnybunny23 » Sat May 11, 2013 4:55 am

im so sorry you had to endure this. i had a m/c in october also i was supposed to have given birth a couple of weeks ago. i felt so sad knowing the due date came and went. im also comming up to my 2nd anneversary of my first loss in june my thoughts are with you
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me:26 OH: 28
DS born: 42w1d cs 14.05.09
DD born 42w1d induced VBAC Assisted forceps 15.04.11
DS2 40w4d Spontaneous natural 2VBAC 27.10.13
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Re: This feeling doesn't feel temporary anymore

Postby eribear » Fri May 24, 2013 8:47 am

I'm not there yet, but I know I will be- I can already imagine the feeling. June 27th was our first appointment (would have been 10 weeks), and I dread that day knowing we should be seeing our baby first the first time. The DD was 1/20/14, and I know that day will be hard, too, so I can only imagine what you guys are going through already hitting these days. I'm just waiting to have a normal cycle and be sure everything is okay....
Proud mommy of twins xoxo
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Re: This feeling doesn't feel temporary anymore

Postby jazlynn4/28 » Fri Jun 21, 2013 9:19 pm

I am sorry for all your losses
eribear I didn't even realize you lost your baby. I am very sorry to hear that. You never forget but you do get to the point you can start to function again. To get out of my depressed slump I had to decide I was going to try again. I still have my moments where I see babies or other girls baby bumps that were behind
e in pregnancy passing where I was and I turn away before they can see the tears. I worry about another late loss as well but am trying to stay hopeful.
I hope you get your bfp girl
babydust
Alissa-33
DH-40

Mc 18 weeks 4/28/13

bfp at 9dpo due date 4/28/14
My rainbow baby is due on my Angel babies birthday!

12/12/13 IT'S A BOY!!

Zayden justice born 4/24/14 @930pm
8lbs 12oz 21in long






<3 our Angel, as delicate as a butterfly her soul flies free.....
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Re: This feeling doesn't feel temporary anymore

Postby eribear » Sat Jun 22, 2013 4:58 am

Thanks, Jaylynn-- Same to you-- BFP's all around!!!!!!!
Proud mommy of twins xoxo
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