Yesterday was a week since my surgery due to my ectopic pregnancy. I also lost my left fallopian tube.
I missed work today because I couldn't sleep last night. Every time I would start to doze off, I would wake up, almost in a state of sheer panic, thinking I was in the hospital again. A couple of times all I could do was cry and rock

. Anyone else experienced this?
I really, really just want to feel normal again

. I only have 1 day of vacation left for this year now, and I need to go back to work. I went back on Tuesday and Wednesday, but only made it half a day on Thursday. I am having such a hard time. I went to my normal doctor and he gave me a scrip for zoloft and ativan for the panic attacks, but the zoloft makes me feel disconnected.
I know this will get better with time, maybe having more closure after my follow up will help. I have yet to talk to the doctor who did my surgery and only have second hand knowledge of what he saw and why my tube was removed. I'm hoping my follow up with him and then with my RE the week after that will help.
I'm trying to be positive and remind myself that I finally got pregnant, but on the other hand it feels like it was easier before, not being able to. Now that I know I can, I don't think I can give up on trying for a baby, even though we can't afford IVF =(.
I just feel lost.
Me (31) - Homozygous MTHFR A1298C, Endometriosis, Left Fallopian Tube removed
DH (33) - Normal
Married - 09/09/09
First ever

5/6/13
5-17-13 - D&C and ectopic pregnancy removal at 5w5d. Lost left fallopian tube. Right ovarian cyst removed.
Aug 2013 - 1st clomid cycle (50mg CD3-7). 5 follies, missed ovulation, timed intercourse. BFN
Nov 2013 - Jan 2014 - Follicles all on the left.
Feb 2014 - 5mg Femara CD3-7 - Cyst on left ovary, 18mm follie right ovary! Trigger 2/20, IUI 2/22 BFN
October 2014 - IVF #1. Retrieval October 22nd?
