Breakdown?

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Breakdown?

Postby eribear » Fri May 31, 2013 1:36 pm

I'm really nervous I'm going to have a breakdown tomorrow- it's my best friend's baby shower. And while I should be secretly ecstatic thinking about our upcoming little one, it's the opposite, I'm paniced about thoughts of losing him/her.

last weekend we went out and it was too soon- our friends had (before I even knew I was pregnant) started a rumor I was because I didn't drink one day while we were out (I don't like heavy beers so saved myself for some PM Cinco de Mayo Margaritas!)...when I was drinking last weekend they all started joking about how they thought that and blah blah blah. It almost caused me to have a panic attack. We ended up leaving a bit later with me fighting back tears.

I'm already thinking it's going to be rough...trying not to, trying to picture it being a really good time and nothing going wrong, but....

I'm genuinely happy for my friend, I love her to death. I don't even think it's jealousy- she's been married longer, started trying well before us, etc. I think it's more just overwhelming loss comes over me....

FX for my cycle to return soon, I'm hoping it brings a bit of peace of mind.
Proud mommy of twins xoxo
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Re: Breakdown?

Postby radkitten » Mon Jun 03, 2013 8:48 am

You are a much braver woman then me. I used to go to baby showers even though it was hard, but I don't think I could now. I think it would hurt too much. Hell, I know it would. I can't see pregnant strangers in the store without wanting to cry.

I hope your cycle comes soon and brings you the peace of mind you need. *hugs*
Me (31) - Homozygous MTHFR A1298C, Endometriosis, Left Fallopian Tube removed
DH (33) - Normal
Married - 09/09/09

First ever :bfp: 5/6/13
5-17-13 - D&C and ectopic pregnancy removal at 5w5d. Lost left fallopian tube. Right ovarian cyst removed.

Aug 2013 - 1st clomid cycle (50mg CD3-7). 5 follies, missed ovulation, timed intercourse. BFN
Nov 2013 - Jan 2014 - Follicles all on the left.
Feb 2014 - 5mg Femara CD3-7 - Cyst on left ovary, 18mm follie right ovary! Trigger 2/20, IUI 2/22 BFN
October 2014 - IVF #1. Retrieval October 22nd?


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Re: Breakdown?

Postby eribear » Mon Jun 03, 2013 2:59 pm

Thanks! The shower wasn't as bas as I thought it would be, as long as I stayed moving. Although I'm pretty convinced my pregnant friends think miscarraige is contagious....

Good luck to you as well.
Proud mommy of twins xoxo
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Re: Breakdown?

Postby radkitten » Tue Jun 04, 2013 5:18 am

Oh no =(.

Did they stay away from you or something? If so, that is super cold :(. One of my pregnant friends is one of the ones who has felt the worst for me about the ectopic. I think it's just because she is in the thick of it right now, so she gets how much it hurts to lose it.
Me (31) - Homozygous MTHFR A1298C, Endometriosis, Left Fallopian Tube removed
DH (33) - Normal
Married - 09/09/09

First ever :bfp: 5/6/13
5-17-13 - D&C and ectopic pregnancy removal at 5w5d. Lost left fallopian tube. Right ovarian cyst removed.

Aug 2013 - 1st clomid cycle (50mg CD3-7). 5 follies, missed ovulation, timed intercourse. BFN
Nov 2013 - Jan 2014 - Follicles all on the left.
Feb 2014 - 5mg Femara CD3-7 - Cyst on left ovary, 18mm follie right ovary! Trigger 2/20, IUI 2/22 BFN
October 2014 - IVF #1. Retrieval October 22nd?


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Re: Breakdown?

Postby eribear » Tue Jun 04, 2013 10:50 am

No, they just seemed to steer the conversation away from it/not ask how I've been...it just gelt like they were anti thinking/talking about it, whereas my single, non-TTC friends have been awesome and really supportive. I keep hoping it'll get easier, but every time it does, I have another craptastic day....
Proud mommy of twins xoxo
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Re: Breakdown?

Postby radkitten » Tue Jun 04, 2013 12:20 pm

I feel you there. Things will start to pick up for me as well, and then I'll have a breakdown. I'm getting antsy for my period to start =(.
Me (31) - Homozygous MTHFR A1298C, Endometriosis, Left Fallopian Tube removed
DH (33) - Normal
Married - 09/09/09

First ever :bfp: 5/6/13
5-17-13 - D&C and ectopic pregnancy removal at 5w5d. Lost left fallopian tube. Right ovarian cyst removed.

Aug 2013 - 1st clomid cycle (50mg CD3-7). 5 follies, missed ovulation, timed intercourse. BFN
Nov 2013 - Jan 2014 - Follicles all on the left.
Feb 2014 - 5mg Femara CD3-7 - Cyst on left ovary, 18mm follie right ovary! Trigger 2/20, IUI 2/22 BFN
October 2014 - IVF #1. Retrieval October 22nd?


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Re: Breakdown?

Postby eribear » Tue Jun 04, 2013 4:53 pm

Me, too! I'm hoping that I'm O'ing any day now which would put me on track for my usual cycle give or take a day or two. Then it's back to worK!!! The waiting is killing me. I honestly don't feel like I'll be okay until I'm pregnant again...
Proud mommy of twins xoxo
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Re: Breakdown?

Postby radkitten » Wed Jun 05, 2013 5:23 am

That is exactly how I feel too. My husband was talking about it with his boss, and he asked how I was doing. My husband was like, she's okay, I'd say 99% physically and 75% emotionally, but she won't be 100% until she has a baby in her arms. And it's the truth. Because it's taken me so long, I was already only 90% emotionally to begin with in relation to pregnancy. I'm just trying to keep my thoughts positive. My husband swears it is my quitting smoking that finally got me my BFP after all these years, so he thinks it will happen again soon. I should be ovulating Friday my RE said, but it's the left side, so chances are that egg is a goner =(.

I hope you O soon. Do you do anything to track it? I don't, but I also know my symptoms typically and am being monitored by my RE.
Me (31) - Homozygous MTHFR A1298C, Endometriosis, Left Fallopian Tube removed
DH (33) - Normal
Married - 09/09/09

First ever :bfp: 5/6/13
5-17-13 - D&C and ectopic pregnancy removal at 5w5d. Lost left fallopian tube. Right ovarian cyst removed.

Aug 2013 - 1st clomid cycle (50mg CD3-7). 5 follies, missed ovulation, timed intercourse. BFN
Nov 2013 - Jan 2014 - Follicles all on the left.
Feb 2014 - 5mg Femara CD3-7 - Cyst on left ovary, 18mm follie right ovary! Trigger 2/20, IUI 2/22 BFN
October 2014 - IVF #1. Retrieval October 22nd?


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Re: Breakdown?

Postby eribear » Wed Jun 05, 2013 9:41 am

I had started BBT after I o'ed the time we got pregnant, planning to start it for our first real attempt, but now I started again post-miscarriage to see what happens....at least I have some post-o data to compare it to....we shall see!!!!
Proud mommy of twins xoxo
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Re: Breakdown?

Postby radkitten » Thu Jun 06, 2013 7:44 am

Well, my doctor had told me when he thought I was just miscarrying that it could take anywhere from 4 to 6 weeks for my period to show back up. It's hard not to, but try not to stress <3
Me (31) - Homozygous MTHFR A1298C, Endometriosis, Left Fallopian Tube removed
DH (33) - Normal
Married - 09/09/09

First ever :bfp: 5/6/13
5-17-13 - D&C and ectopic pregnancy removal at 5w5d. Lost left fallopian tube. Right ovarian cyst removed.

Aug 2013 - 1st clomid cycle (50mg CD3-7). 5 follies, missed ovulation, timed intercourse. BFN
Nov 2013 - Jan 2014 - Follicles all on the left.
Feb 2014 - 5mg Femara CD3-7 - Cyst on left ovary, 18mm follie right ovary! Trigger 2/20, IUI 2/22 BFN
October 2014 - IVF #1. Retrieval October 22nd?


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Re: Breakdown?

Postby eribear » Thu Jun 06, 2013 10:09 am

Thanks- I appreciate the support. I just feel like the doctor thought I was so stupid for only bieng 4w, 3d, so everything should go right back to normal. BLAH!!

How's everything going with the Clomid? Did you officially start yet (I don't know a lot about it)?
Proud mommy of twins xoxo
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Re: Breakdown?

Postby radkitten » Thu Jun 06, 2013 11:05 am

Thats really neglectful of your doctor honestly. A miscarriage is painful no matter what I'm sure. My RE is fairly blunt, but even he didn't act like my ectopic was nothing. I am happy he isn't using kid gloves with me and is working with me as soon as I get my first period.

I haven't started the clomid yet. He did a transvaginal ultrasound on Monday to measure everything and see how I was doing and saw several follies on my left side, told me I will probably O Friday night, so to BD as much as I want even though the chances of my right tube catching anything is slim. Then to call him either the day my period starts or the day after it should start, no later than June 25th though.

His big worry with me is that since I've had 1 ectopic, even though they removed that tube, I am still at about a 15% risk of another one, so he wants to monitor me right away anytime I could be PG again. If not, he is going to do day 3 BW for me and then start me on Clomid to try and force the right side to produce for me. He wanted to go right to injectables as they have better results for forcing ovulation on both sides, but my insurance doesn't cover them, so that idea is out. Can't afford to spend $2000 a month on injectables when he thinks my best bet may be IVF. Thats my IVf money =P
Me (31) - Homozygous MTHFR A1298C, Endometriosis, Left Fallopian Tube removed
DH (33) - Normal
Married - 09/09/09

First ever :bfp: 5/6/13
5-17-13 - D&C and ectopic pregnancy removal at 5w5d. Lost left fallopian tube. Right ovarian cyst removed.

Aug 2013 - 1st clomid cycle (50mg CD3-7). 5 follies, missed ovulation, timed intercourse. BFN
Nov 2013 - Jan 2014 - Follicles all on the left.
Feb 2014 - 5mg Femara CD3-7 - Cyst on left ovary, 18mm follie right ovary! Trigger 2/20, IUI 2/22 BFN
October 2014 - IVF #1. Retrieval October 22nd?


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Re: Breakdown?

Postby eribear » Fri Jun 07, 2013 3:50 am

Best of Luck- sounds like you have a strong plan!

I'm looking into another office- it sucks to put it plainly- I love my Dr, but the NP and the Reception staff were just horrid...I never felt so little...
Proud mommy of twins xoxo
eribear
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Re: Breakdown?

Postby radkitten » Fri Jun 07, 2013 7:08 am

I definitely would. You shouldn't get treated so poorly during such a hard time :(.
Me (31) - Homozygous MTHFR A1298C, Endometriosis, Left Fallopian Tube removed
DH (33) - Normal
Married - 09/09/09

First ever :bfp: 5/6/13
5-17-13 - D&C and ectopic pregnancy removal at 5w5d. Lost left fallopian tube. Right ovarian cyst removed.

Aug 2013 - 1st clomid cycle (50mg CD3-7). 5 follies, missed ovulation, timed intercourse. BFN
Nov 2013 - Jan 2014 - Follicles all on the left.
Feb 2014 - 5mg Femara CD3-7 - Cyst on left ovary, 18mm follie right ovary! Trigger 2/20, IUI 2/22 BFN
October 2014 - IVF #1. Retrieval October 22nd?


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radkitten
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Re: Breakdown?

Postby Sen » Fri Jun 14, 2013 2:15 pm

Hi ladies,I'm sorry to suddenly gate crash this post but wanted to make contact with radkitten!
I had an ectopic pregnancy in December and lost my left tube - I'm also 31 and have suspected endo.

Let me know if you fancy chatting?! :)
Charlotte (34) DF (23) DS1 (2)
'One n Done' for now.

:angel2: M/C 4th Sep 2012
:angel2: Ectopic & Left-Side Salpingectomy 4th Dec 2012
:bfp: 11th July 2013
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