I can't believe she said it...

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I can't believe she said it...

Postby MEL66325 » Sat Aug 17, 2013 4:40 pm

Well, here I am, on this part of the site. I honestly didn't even know that the miscarriage support part was here, but I am so glad that it is. I hate feeling like I am all alone.

I lost my sweet angel at eight weeks, but we didn't find out until this past Monday on the day I turned 11 weeks. I had started bleeding so I went to the doctor and they told me that my angel baby was gone. I was devastated. I had the D & C the same day. I don't think I have ever felt pain like this in my life. I miss my baby so much. I have so many questions and so much guilt that my baby died and I wasn't there to comfort it. Did it know just how loved it truly was? Was the baby a boy or a girl? I just carried on after the baby passed away like nothing had happened because I didn't know for three whole weeks, laughing and enjoying the life I thought was inside me. That KILLS me inside. Like, the baby was all alone. But it wasn't really, the baby was with GOD.

This is what I don't understand: I had a pregnant lady (related to me) who is on baby number four tell me that when she found out she was pregnant, she wished that she would miscarry because she wasn't in a good place in her life to have another one. Not ready financially, emotionally, and her marriage was just getting back together (it was an oopsie). She said she even thought about abortion. This was after she learned about my miscarriage. I wish I hadn't even told her. I don't know why I did.

Do you really just tell someone that just lost a baby that you don't appreciate the one you have on the way? It's due in October. And she told me she still smokes too and really wishes she could quit. I am not bitter toward her in any way, shape or fashion, but I just couldn't believe she said it.

How come those of us who try to do everything right still end up losing and the ones who don't appreciate the blessing get to keep it? I just don't understand. :(
ME - 37 DH - 40
DS1- 11
8/12/13 - :angel: (MMC 11 weeks; D&C) My angel, forever in my heart and always on my mind, Mommy loves you...can't wait to meet you in Heaven!
4/22/14 - :bfp: our rainbow baby
8/12/14- It's another BOY!
DS2- Owen Lane arrived 1/2/2015 :baby tumble:

Will we have another?? Praying for God's will and following His direction for our lives. We shall see!
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Re: I can't believe she said it...

Postby care327 » Sun Aug 18, 2013 7:33 am

i just wanted to tell u im sorry for ur loss. i too had a miscarriage back in march. i was 6 weeks but time of miscarriage the baby was barely 5 weeks. like u i did everything i was supposed to. quit caffeine cold turkey, no drinks, i never smoked anyway, no drugs no nothing. i have an office job so i didnt do any crazy lifting or anything. yet the other day i see this drug addict smoking away on a cigarette while rubbing her 6 month belly. really. it just makes me sick ni cant understand. =( never feel like you are alone. we are here for you to support in any way we can.

also how DARE that woman say that to you!! how dare her say it in general. unless under extremely rare circumstances, my thoughts are if you arent ready for a kid dont have one. there are 2 many contraceptives out there. or heres an idea dont have sex at all. that really struck a nerve ;[

praying for u! =)
Me: Carrie 34
DH-35
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DSD-12
DD in Heaven Faith Marie
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Re: I can't believe she said it...

Postby radkitten » Sun Aug 18, 2013 7:23 pm

First, I am so sorry for your loss hun. It truly is a pain no one can understand except those who have lost a baby as well.

Second, I can't believe that woman said that to you. Especially knowing what you just went through.

It doesn't surprise me though. I have put up with things like that for years now, on top of the guilt trip of why I am not PG yet. I wish I had an answer for why some people who do everything right get no baby, while crackheads do. It breaks my heart every single day I wake up to an empty house :(.
Me (31) - Homozygous MTHFR A1298C, Endometriosis, Left Fallopian Tube removed
DH (33) - Normal
Married - 09/09/09

First ever :bfp: 5/6/13
5-17-13 - D&C and ectopic pregnancy removal at 5w5d. Lost left fallopian tube. Right ovarian cyst removed.

Aug 2013 - 1st clomid cycle (50mg CD3-7). 5 follies, missed ovulation, timed intercourse. BFN
Nov 2013 - Jan 2014 - Follicles all on the left.
Feb 2014 - 5mg Femara CD3-7 - Cyst on left ovary, 18mm follie right ovary! Trigger 2/20, IUI 2/22 BFN
October 2014 - IVF #1. Retrieval October 22nd?


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Re: I can't believe she said it...

Postby MEL66325 » Mon Aug 19, 2013 8:03 am

Oh, guys, I am so sorry for your losses, as well. I've always prayed for you ladies when I've heard about your losses on here, but never could I imagine what you have gone through. Until now...it is SO hard.

And yes, insensitive comments hurt like crazy. I would never not want any child that God has blessed me with. I had a woman at church last night who has a son about my son's age. She said that she couldn't stand it if she ever had another one and she'd leave home if she did. She wasn't even kidding either. I was sitting there mourning the loss of my baby and she was saying she'd leave home if she ever got pregnant again. Of course, she didn't know what I was going through...but still. Some people just don't know how blessed they are.
ME - 37 DH - 40
DS1- 11
8/12/13 - :angel: (MMC 11 weeks; D&C) My angel, forever in my heart and always on my mind, Mommy loves you...can't wait to meet you in Heaven!
4/22/14 - :bfp: our rainbow baby
8/12/14- It's another BOY!
DS2- Owen Lane arrived 1/2/2015 :baby tumble:

Will we have another?? Praying for God's will and following His direction for our lives. We shall see!
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Re: I can't believe she said it...

Postby mexicanchick718 » Wed Aug 28, 2013 2:47 pm

Geez Mel...im stalking all over TTC and just found your mc posting. Im so sorry. I was one of those too who saw everyones M/c postings in their signitures and never thought it would happen to me. Not sure how you contained yourself with your relative. I would have just snapped. I can totally relate. A week before i got my bfp my best friend told me how her friend just found out she was preggers and wanted to abort since she already has two and doesnt have room in her life for another bb. My gf totally went off on her. She told her how ungreatful she was and if she didnt want another baby she should have used protection or kept her legs shut. Plus she referenced me who wants one so bad and it just hasnt happened. So frustrating! I guess she decided to keep the baby.

Bought the lady smoking. Went shopping with my mom on Sat and some lady very preggers was smoking weed outside Payless!!! I wanted to punch the hell out of her. I got so angry I started to sweat. Knock some sense into her.
Me: 26 DH: 28
IUD removed: 9/12/12
BFP 5/28/2013
:angel: @ 9wks on 7/11/13
BFP#2 9/23/2013

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Re: I can't believe she said it...

Postby MEL66325 » Thu Aug 29, 2013 7:45 am

Thank you, mexicanchick. I work in a government office and I see pregnant women all day every day. Many of them are in drug court. My own relative was one of the ones in drug court, pregnant. I just don't understand and none of it seems fair, but like you said on another thread, we just gotta keep the faith!

It still doesn't make it hurt any less. :cry:
ME - 37 DH - 40
DS1- 11
8/12/13 - :angel: (MMC 11 weeks; D&C) My angel, forever in my heart and always on my mind, Mommy loves you...can't wait to meet you in Heaven!
4/22/14 - :bfp: our rainbow baby
8/12/14- It's another BOY!
DS2- Owen Lane arrived 1/2/2015 :baby tumble:

Will we have another?? Praying for God's will and following His direction for our lives. We shall see!
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Re: I can't believe she said it...

Postby redneckgurl26 » Tue Dec 03, 2013 7:01 pm

I'm so sorry for your loss all of you. Trust me I know nothing anyone can say will make you feel better and the pain never truly goes away.

Mel I know how you feel about feeling as if you let your baby down by not being there for it when it passed. I've had 2 mcs where the baby passed at 8 weeks and I didn't know till weeks later. Hell my last one was toughest because I didn't find out I was pregnant till I was like 10 weeks so to know I found out and was so excited and yet my angel (a little girl) had already gone to heaven devastated me.

As for the women who don't appreciate their gifts I've dealt with that with both of my sisters. What about killed me when I had my mc in July was when my older sister told me "so you lost your baby get over it" I couldn't believe she said it.

Good luck to all of you and I hope you get your rainbow babies soon.
Me - 27
DBF - 32

02-2007 :angel: (blighted ovum)
07-2007 :angel: (baby passed @ 8 weeks)
07-2013 :angel: (baby passed @ 8+4)
12-2013 :angel: (blighted ovum)

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