Canceling prenatal appointment?

Support for anyone experiencing a miscarriage or looking for support from others who have been there.

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Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby Zhaneh » Sun Oct 27, 2013 8:29 pm

I had a miscarriage at 6 weeks pregnant. This was my first pregnancy. Honestly I knew I had miscarried before the doctor's office confirmed it with blood tests. Physically it wasn't horrible, just lots of heavy bleeding and no pain, but emotionally I was devastated.

So first off, I get back the news that my Hcg levels have returned to normal non-pregnancy levels and that this means I have had a confirmed miscarriage from the nurse. She is nice about it if a bit clinical and slightly too chipper. I understand that these people are not going to fall over themselves to tell me how sorry they are and how bad they feel, but I have to tell you, at this point, she was so matter of fact about it that I'm on the phone trying to sound like this news I am hearing means nothing to me. Inside I am just a wreck and I am on the phone with this lady and I say, "That's what I figured. Thank you for calling." Like we are discussing the weather because she just sounds so upbeat.

I put this all out of my mind and just focus on trying to feel better about the whole experience. Then this week I get a call. It is the automated message machine for my OBGYN's office telling me I have an appointment. Yes, this week would have been my first real prenatal appointment at 8 weeks. This call just brings down my whole day and since it came on a Sunday and the office isn't even open until Monday I can't even deal with it right then.

This happened to be the week that my OBGYN is also moving offices. So I call on Monday to try to cancel this appointment and the phone number I have does not work. I can not find the new number anywhere so I just resign myself to just missing my appointment. I finally get a call at like 6:30pm from the doctor confirming my appointment. I guess he was helping out the office staff because of the move. I now have to explain to the DOCTOR that HIS office told me I had a miscarriage and I need to cancel the appointment. All he can really do is just apologize and tells me well the appointment was made before I had the miscarriage. Umm yeah I know, I was there.

I had just assumed that if they had to call me to tell me that I had had a miscarriage that they would take care of canceling my prenatal appointments with their office. I guess I assumed wrong? or is this something that at other doctor's offices I would not have had to do? So often all the wonderful people on this board talk about their emotional state and the actual physical aspects of their miscarriage and nothing of the nitty gritty of dealing with the doctor or office. So to other people who have had a miscarriage, should I be pissed, which I am inclined to be feeling about the whole situation, or is this just standard to the experience?
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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby B Michaelson » Sun Oct 27, 2013 10:58 pm

My experience was similar, but not quite the same. I went to my dr at 4w4d and got referred to an ob at the hospital for prenatal care. I was worried from the start that something was wrong. I had gone to a dr by my work at 14dpo on my lunch hr to see if he would do a beta. Long story short he gave me forms but was not so nice. When they finally called me I had already met with my dr so I decided to screw his follow up. I had gotten some flack from a family member for thinking there might be a problem so I didn't bring it up with my dr.

When she gave me my forms she also gave me the scan forms but told me not to book it yet. She said 'things happen and they don't like you to book to early'. So I waited until 6w5d then called and booked an 8w scan and booked a follow up with my dr (at her request).

At 6w6d I woke up with severe pain and started bleeding an hr and a half later. I knew at that moment it was ectopic. Went to the ER and they confirmed my tube was ruptured. I went into surgery to have it and my baby removed. I went to the hospital my dr referred me to at my appt because it was new, closest to me and had private rooms.

I called a couple of days after my surgery and cancelled my scan and my dr appt and explained why to both of them.

Then I got a call from the hospital that did my surgery. I thought they were calling for a follow up of my procedure, however the lady advised they got the referral from my dr and needed me to come in for my first prenatal appt. I told her I had the surgery and she didn't say much.

I was shocked because I thought either my dr would have followed up with them, OR they would have seen the freaking note in my file that said I was no longer pg. I mean, it's the same hospital, the same department, etc... So this was really frustrating.

I cancelled every appt I had made yet I still got a call. I personally think it was ridiculous and neither of us should have had to deal with that. I am sure the referral was sent before my surgery but they should have checked my file or something. No one at any point asked me if I had any appts or offered to follow up for me. I don't know that there was anything else I could have done to prevent that call. It just sort of adds salt to the wound doesn't it?

You have a right to be pissed. It's just a bit negligent.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby shellsbellsxx » Mon Oct 28, 2013 2:33 am

i had a similar thing, but i have put a formal complaint in against the GP i saw on the day i began miscarrying because of the way he handled it - DH nearly knocked him out! Anyway... he didn't write any notes after my visit and 2 days later the midwife called me to book me in to sort all the paperwork out for my pregnancy...She was so apologetic and told me there was no notes on screen and nobody had told them! They are in the same small surgery! When i went to FS 2 weeks later for my routine appointment they also had no idea that i had ever been pregnant - and another GP had sent the letter confirming my pregnancy 3 weeks previously to them! Communication sucks with some professionals! x
Me:37 DH:43
LTTTC #1 for 13 years
(16.10.12)... Diagnosis - 'Unexplained Infertility'
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Short 22/23 day cycles, LPD- 10days
23rd September 2013 - BFP - MC 5wks 2 dys 1st Oct '13

6th May '14 6th and final clomid cycle 2-6 50mg - :bfp: (8/9dpo)

7th July '14 - ultrasound #1 @ 9+1 - TWINS! 2 beating hearts :hb: 9+3 :hb: 8+6
31st July '14 - ultrasound #2 @12+4 - 2 beating hearts and bouncing babies 13+4 :hb: & 13+2 :hb: measuring a week ahead!
19th Sept '14 - 20+5 Baby A :future baby boy: & Baby B :future baby boy: - All looks perfect!

14th January 2015 my Babies were born - Samuel Stuart 6lb 5oz and Oliver Michael 5lb 2oz

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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby Zhaneh » Mon Oct 28, 2013 6:02 pm

It really just does add salt to the wound. I understand that these are healthcare professionals and their main concern is for my health not my mental well being but still some thought as to their actions and how they might affect their patients emotionally would be nice.

I plan to bring it up next time I have to go in and see my doctor because this happened in a small office that only has two doctors and a small nurse and office staff and they weren't trying to get or pass information of mine outside of that office so why the lack of communication in office? Really it is just ridiculous in my opinion.

It was only 6 weeks for me that I had a miscarriage and I honestly was and still am grieving. What would it be like if they did something like this to someone who miscarried at 12 weeks or had a stillborn or something. How would it affect them emotionally? The reminder that if I was still pregnant right now that appointment would have been my 8 week and I was scheduled to have my first sonogram. I would have seen my baby's heartbeat. That thought just really got to me. To the doctor and office it was just an appointment reminder but to me it was a reminder that the things I had hoped for just weren't going to be. It was disheartening to say the least.

It sounds like I am not alone in that lack of communication on the part of our healthcare providers caused undue emotional stress. I'm sorry to hear anyone else had to go through that kind of reminder.
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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby B Michaelson » Mon Oct 28, 2013 6:19 pm

Same for me Zhaneh. It would have been my 8 week first appt and ultrasound. People shut up really fast when you tell them you lost the baby. Not in a good way. When I told the ultrasound place why I had to cancel the rep almost hung up on me. I am sure she just didn't know what to say, but it would have easier if she had actually said something instead of a panicked 'ok, ok, bye' before hanging up on me. She made me feel like I was harbouring some contageous disease. I don't want sympathy but just a normal tone and polite confirmation of cancellation would have sufficed.

It's all so strange.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby Zhaneh » Mon Oct 28, 2013 9:04 pm

That is strange. I mean these are places that I imagine deal with women who have miscarried on a semi regular basis. You would think they would be a bit better at handling these kind of situations.
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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby B Michaelson » Mon Oct 28, 2013 9:16 pm

Ya, I thought so too.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby Zhaneh » Mon Oct 28, 2013 9:55 pm

I feel like healthcare professionals see it too often. Miscarriage is fairly common and they forget that to us our baby died. To them it is just another miscarriage.

I was just astounded that from the start of my bleeding until I got a call that I had had a confirmed miscarriage I only dealt with a nurse. (I live in the USA and my state doesn't have midwives legally, which is a whole other issue in my book.
) I called the nurse to ask about my spotting and when it turned into full blown bleeding I booked a quantitative blood test with the nurse after she advised me to. I came into the office to get my blood drawn twice and only dealt with a nurse. When I had my blood drawn it was just an in and out kind of thing. They didn't even bother to say anything other than "sit down" and "We'll call you." The nurse was kind, but still my baby just died and the doctor can't be arsed to read the results to me himself.

At any kind of other doctor's office usually any kind of bad news is delivered by the doctor themselves since they are the medical professionals making the diagnosis. I mean if I got cancer I wouldn't expect the nurse to call me to tell me I have cancer, right? When my grandmother died I was with my family at the hospital and I remember a doctor coming out to speak to my mother and us about it. She hadn't even died at the hospital but still a doctor came out and sat with us and told us he was sorry and that she had died of a heart attack.

I don't think a miscarriage is much different emotionally but all I got was a, "You're all back to normal now." and a lecture about how I shouldn't start trying again until after my first period. I am not back to normal and the idea that they would think I am is just a dagger to my heart.

The whole experience was just surreal to me. Beyond just the grief, everything about it was just not how I had imagined it would all go down.
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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby B Michaelson » Mon Oct 28, 2013 10:36 pm

I am sorry Zhaneh. It is difficult to experience. I imagine everything becomes so clinical the emotional aspect can get overlooked. Unless it's included as part of the medical care process people can forget to remind themselves this involves our minds as much as it does our bodies.

Our health care system here provides loss care. So we were supposed to be seen by a counsellor after my surgery but I got discharged before they got to me. They called me at home and asked me to come in. The social worker (basically a grief counsellor) talked with us for an hour and offered more appointments if we wanted. We went home with a handful of pamphlets on how to deal with loss, programs, etc... I didn't want to go at first but after I found it really helped me.

They said it was a program offered in all the hospitals in the city, but I wonder if I hadn't had surgery, would I have gotten the same treatment?

I find some drs can be so calleous. I have met my fair share. I just want to go yell at them, but I don't think that would change anything. I am lucky to have found a great dr however it is a temporary situation so I'll take what I can get. The communication situation is a bit more complicated at that office because they rotate drs who all have their own full time clinics and sort of 'sub' on certain days at mine. So the internal communication probably needs to be good but my dr still may not get my info for at least a week....or whenever she is in next. Who knows. I don't know how they work it there, it's confusing. Obviously the communication in the hospital is a work in progress. Theyhave only been open for a month or two though so that might be part of it.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby laina0605 » Tue Oct 29, 2013 5:49 am

I'm so sorry you ladies have had such bad experiences with your Dr. offices :( Going through this myself twice I can relate to how you are feeling. I can't imagine my feelings being "dismissed" like that regardless if it was not meant to be that way.

I've been lucky I suppose since I'm dealing with a fertility clinic and I suppose since they are dealing day to day with woman having trouble conceiving they seem to be a little more sensitive. Not like the ladies on here...but I still feel empathy from them.

Thinking of you girls and we're all here trying to recover in our own way. Hoping we all get our rainbow babies soon enough :)
Carrie (34-PCOS)Jeff(38-no issues)
M/C - Sept 2011 at 6 weeks
DD-July 11, 2012
M/C - Oct 2013 at 6+3 weeks
DS- August 5, 2014
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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby B Michaelson » Tue Oct 29, 2013 7:16 am

Thanks Laina. How are you doing? We didn't much of a chance to talk before all this happened.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby laina0605 » Tue Oct 29, 2013 11:45 am

I'm doing ok. Now that the bleeding has stopped I seem to be doing a lot better as I don't have that constant "reminder" of what's happening. I'm trying to look forward and cross my fingers for another BFP soon.

I hope you are doing ok. I was reading some of your posts and it sounds like you are starting to feel better.

I've gone over to the "June Due Date" thread to check up on them but it's just getting harder and harder so I think I'll stop.
Carrie (34-PCOS)Jeff(38-no issues)
M/C - Sept 2011 at 6 weeks
DD-July 11, 2012
M/C - Oct 2013 at 6+3 weeks
DS- August 5, 2014
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Re: Canceling prenatal appointment?

Postby B Michaelson » Tue Oct 29, 2013 12:06 pm

Ya i stopped too. I check the board somtimes to see if there are new angels in case anyone might want support but otherwise its too much.

I am feeling better. I have my moments but I try not to dwell too much or I'll never get through the next couple of months. I have done so much WTT, I am so sick of it already. We just got back on the train and now we are off again.

I know what you mean about the bleeding. For me it was getting the negative opk and hpts that helped me to feel like I was moving forward. Next step is confirm O and hope my cycle isn't messed up.

I have my fx for you that you will get another bfp soon. Feel free to pm me if you ever need to chat.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
DH - 41
TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
TTC #2 since Aug 2016
May 2017 :bfp:

:angel: Our Angels :angel:
2004 - 7.5 weeks
Oct 2013 - 6w6d ruptured ectopic
Jan 2014 - Chemical

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