NEED SOME ADVICE/SUPPORT

Support for anyone experiencing a miscarriage or looking for support from others who have been there.

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NEED SOME ADVICE/SUPPORT

Postby January24th2014 » Tue Feb 04, 2014 6:21 am

This is my second time posting on here and I'm hoping to get some advice. I'm 32 yrs old and this was my second pregnancy. My first was almost 13 years ago with no problems. I'm afraid for this to happen again and also if the dreams I had meant something. The Doc thinks the baby was around 10-12wks when passed away. Please read my story below! When do you try again? When your ready or when the Docs tell you? Please read below, thank you and sorry for all your losses!

I was spotting Thursday the January 23rd and told the Doc about the spotting I was having on Friday the 24th at my 14 week check up. Did the Doppler to hear the heart beat and could not find it. Then did a pelvic exam and the Doc told me I was more than likely going to have a miscarriage. They were going to send me an ultrasound STAT. Called my husband to come and when I stood up to get dressed, my water broke. It was terrible. I lost so much blood I thought I was going to die. In triage, I expelled the baby. Then after that, I passed a huge amount of clots and blood that I started to loose my hearing, things were getting dim around me and I couldn't breath. My BP was 53/31 and pulse ox was in the 70's. They used rubbing salt under my nose to try to get me back. After that they prepped me for emergency surgery and I had a DNC done. If I would have lost anymore blood, I would have needed a transfusion. I just can't believe it. People spot and have full blown periods while pregnant. The doc said it most likely that there was something wrong with the baby and my body knew. We had just heard the HB 4 weeks prior! The baby will be buried with the hospitals shared buried program. We don't know what sex the baby was because that was still too early. I'm kinda glad for that. It's still so hard knowing our baby is gone.

The first time I had a dream I think I was 5 or 6 weeks into my pregnancy. It was very vivid! I was at my in-laws and there was a little girl crawling around in the living room. I could still see her face now! I was trying to get her to come and eat but she was being a little stinker. She crawled up on the couch and pretended she was sleeping. Then I got up and said " Olivia, you need to come and eat." No sooner did I get her, I then woke up. The second one was creepy! It was multiple dreams in one, first it was when my son Felix was a baby then switched to my moms house where my dad was and my husband and I were sitting in bed holding a baby and one of those pyramid head monster guys were standing over the bed and when I looked back down, I was holding a dead baby boy. I told my mom and my dad about it but no one else because I didn't want to think about it.

Then......Had another dream that the baby I miscarried was a boy. In my dream, People were talking about it at work, one girl asked me how my baby boy was doing. I told her my baby died and we didn't know the sex. Then she said that it was in the paper and showed me. The headline said " Musser gives birth at 14 weeks." It goes on to say that it was a boy and then services will be held on a date in March but didn't say where. Then I woke up.
January24th2014
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Re: NEED SOME ADVICE/SUPPORT

Postby rogue76 » Tue Feb 04, 2014 11:06 am

Hi there,

First of all, I am SO sorry for your loss. I know this is a hard time for you, but all you can do is take things one day at a time. I think your dreams are just your mind's way of processing what has happened. Let me tell you from experience that you will always miss this baby and wonder "what might have been" but all you can do is know that your baby is at peace and will always be with you in some way.

My first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks. We were at the first ultrasound to see the baby and hear the heartbeat and they couldn't find a heartbeat. They also said the baby looked much younger than 8 weeks. It turns out the baby probably stopped growing around 5 or 6 weeks, and it took until 8 weeks for my body to realize and for the miscarriage to begin.

I started spotting the morning of the ultrasound and it got progressively worse through the day. By 10pm that night I had menstrual cramps in my back, but went to sleep and hoped they would go away. At about 1am, the pain woke me up. I tried to get out of bed and actually fell to my knees because the pain was so bad. I was actually having contractions. I did not lose extreme amounts of blood like you did and I actually had the entire miscarriage at home over the course of about 8 hours. The whole time it was happening, I didn't really process what was going on. I was just trying to get through the horrible labor-like pains. But the next morning I felt like my world was crashing down.

I will say that it was this site that really helped me through all of that. I found people here who were going or had gone through similar things and I found so much support here. I hope you do, too. When I began TTC again, I found so much information and support and then when I was pregnant I found more support, as well.

Regarding trying again, I believe that most doctors will tell you to wait at LEAST one cycle and some may even say wait six months. I would at least wait until you have one normal cycle after the miscarriage. I had my miscarriage in June and we started trying again in August. I didn't end up getting pregnant until December and that pregnancy resulted in a beautiful baby girl who is now 4 1/2 years old.

As far as happening again, I hate to say that the fear will probably plague you throughout your next pregnancy. I know it did for me. I was really robbed of most of the joy of pregnancy because I was completely terrified to go to the bathroom and find blood. Every time my back hurt, I was worried it was cramps. Every check-up with the doctor, I was worried she wouldn't find the heartbeat. It was just something I had to struggle with and fight against the bad thoughts on a daily, almost hourly, basis. People who have never had a miscarriage and go through pregnancy without a care in the world are the ones I am most envious of. :-)

When you are ready to try again, I would start taking folic acid, at the very least, which helps with the baby's early development. There are other supplements you could take, and I'm sure other ladies on this forum will be able to help you with that info. I'm afraid I don't remember all of them any more. While I was pregnant the second time, I also abstained totally from caffeine and drank tons and tons of water.

Give yourself time to grieve and when you are ready, I wish you lots of baby dust when you start trying again. :-)
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