Emotions

Support for anyone experiencing a miscarriage or looking for support from others who have been there.

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Emotions

Postby Kandii » Thu Mar 20, 2014 8:29 am

Miscarriage is a very emotional experience. And I figured this post would be a great place to express how you're feeling any day at any time.
Background about me - I'm 25. I got my very first BFP Dec 29,2013. I was diagnosed with a blighted ovum on Jan 23, 2014 and had to use misoprostol on feb 4th. This was my very first pregnancy and it was a devastating experience.

Today I am feeling angry. Angry because for the past 3 weeks my body has been stopping/starting bleeding. Right now it has been stopped for 7 days. Last Thursday my hcg was 25. Meaning I still couldn't ovulate or have a first AF. When I got this news I was so mad. I was told to expect first AF 4-8 weeks post misoprostol. Well I'm on week 8 and my hcg isn't even low enough to have first AF. I'm guessing now I am still about 6 weeks away from a first AF after this MC.
I say 6 weeks because my hcg still needs time to drop below 5 and then ovulate. It is so frustrating.
I flucuate between feelings of anger to feelings of frustration and sadness.
~*TTC since October 2013*~
BFP Dec 29, 2013 / Blighted Ovum Jan 23, 2014 (8w5d) / MC Feb 5, 2014 (10w4d)
Got my rainbow BFP July 19th, 2014!
DS born March 24th, 2015

~*TTC #2* shhh :shh: it's a secret!~
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Re: Emotions

Postby BichonFrise » Thu Mar 20, 2014 11:09 pm

I didn't know how hurtful and traumatizing miscarriage was until I experienced it myself. I kicked myself in the butt for not being more sympathetic in the past toward my friends who experienced multiple losses.

I find that exercising and surrounding myself with supportive/positive people help. I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. With time, it will get better *hugs*
Me (39) DH (41)

TTC #1 since June 2013. Married for 10 years.

BFP #1: 10/01/2013 MC: 10/15/2013 (7 weeks)
BFP #2: 12/24/2013 MC: 01/01/2014 (5 weeks 1 day)
BFP #3: 02/08/2014 Ethan was born 6 lbs 9 Oz on Oct 17th, 2014.

TTC #2 since November 2015

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Re: Emotions

Postby Kandii » Fri Mar 21, 2014 5:34 pm

It does get better - but there are days when its not so good. I have more good days then bad, but those bad days are the days I find I really need to just vent or rant. It helps to have other women around who understand what its like and can share experiences.
~*TTC since October 2013*~
BFP Dec 29, 2013 / Blighted Ovum Jan 23, 2014 (8w5d) / MC Feb 5, 2014 (10w4d)
Got my rainbow BFP July 19th, 2014!
DS born March 24th, 2015

~*TTC #2* shhh :shh: it's a secret!~
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Re: Emotions

Postby eribear » Thu Mar 27, 2014 5:08 pm

I don't think I've gone more than three days without crying and it has been almost a year...it's the most devastating thing one can ever go through. I got my BFP on Mother's Day last year and lost the baby just over a week later. We've been trying to no avail since and have been "diagnosed" with unexplained infertility.
Proud mommy of twins xoxo
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Re: Emotions

Postby Kandii » Thu Mar 27, 2014 6:09 pm

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. My loss is much more recent but I don't think this is ever something that won't upset me. Can't forget an experience like that.
I hope you get your BFP soon!

AFM I had to get more blood work done today to check my hcg. On the 13th it was 25. Hoping for good news that it's "less than 5" tomorrow so my body can move on physically. But when I was sitting at the lab I felt just done. The day went by quickly after I was late for work because of the lab but I am glad it's over. Glad it's Friday tomorrow.
~*TTC since October 2013*~
BFP Dec 29, 2013 / Blighted Ovum Jan 23, 2014 (8w5d) / MC Feb 5, 2014 (10w4d)
Got my rainbow BFP July 19th, 2014!
DS born March 24th, 2015

~*TTC #2* shhh :shh: it's a secret!~
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Re: Emotions

Postby mountainbaby » Fri Mar 28, 2014 3:45 am

Hi ladies

Miscarriage does suck. We have been TTC for nearly 1.5 years and got our BFP in February this year. I was soooo excited. All appeared to be going well, getting symptoms, no spotting, bleeding etc.

I had booked a scan at 8 weeks and 2 days - that was 17.3.14. I was really nervous and worried something would be wrong, no physical evidence that there would be. Anyway they tried an abdominal scan and only saw a sac so did an internal one. The sonographer tried to reassure me that at this early stage an internal scan is often need. I was not reassured. Eventually they saw the baby, it only measured 6+4. A heartbeat was detected was it was speeding up and slowing down. She tried to convince me I had my dates wrong but the maths did not add up. I knew I could only be out by 4-5 days max.

The next day I started bleeding and by the night had terrible cramps. I passed the gestational sac whole, by the time they saw me at the Early Pregnancy Unit the miscarriage was complete.

I stupidly thought that as I had a complete miscarriage the bleeding would stop soon and it had already calmed down. However it stops and starts and now on day 11, thought it had stopped yesterday but then back with a vengence. It is making me tired but worse of all is I cry all the time. I miss my baby. I worry I won't be able to carry a baby to term. I am back at work and expected to cope, but I am not coping. One of my colleagues had a go today that me and my team were not pulling our weight and it was not fair. She does not know what has happened, I don't want the world to know.

I am sorry you lovely ladies have all gone through this. I wish that there was a way miscarriage research could be progressed so that it did not happen to so many ladies. It is horrible and I would not wish it on anyone.
TTC since Oct 12

BFP - Feb 2014, Natural MC 18 March, 8 weeks, 4 days.

BFP - June 2014
US - 18.7.14 - baby measuring 8+1. Strong, clear heartbeat.


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Re: Emotions

Postby Kandii » Fri Mar 28, 2014 5:07 am

I'm sorry to hear of your loss.

My workplace has not been very understanding either. Only my 2 bosses know (which I never planned on telling people at work) because I has to take a week medical leave to use the pills.
I'm on day 51 post using the pills and day 63 since I started spotting and I am still bleeding. I had a 12 day break recently and Tuesday the bleeding started again with a vengeance. I am back to wearing pads and I feel so frustrated.

I hear you about the coping. I put on a face and go to work. It's hard. I think about the loss everyday. I don't know if I will ever not think about it. Guess only time will tell.
~*TTC since October 2013*~
BFP Dec 29, 2013 / Blighted Ovum Jan 23, 2014 (8w5d) / MC Feb 5, 2014 (10w4d)
Got my rainbow BFP July 19th, 2014!
DS born March 24th, 2015

~*TTC #2* shhh :shh: it's a secret!~
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Re: Emotions

Postby mountainbaby » Fri Mar 28, 2014 7:57 am

Hi Kandi,

Thanks for sharing, my boss is sympathetic, turns out she had a mc years ago. However I guess I cannot expect those who don't know to understand.

I am sorry you are bleeding so much, is it possible that now you are having your first AF after mc.

My DH said that he is worried he is not being supportive enough because for him it is a little disappointing but not the end of the world. For me, I have lost my baby. I had the baby inside me and I felt the symptoms of being pregnant and knowing there was a life growing in me, I had started to bond with my child, and then all of a sudden baby is not there anymore. I mc the day after seeing the heartbeat. While I know the heartbeat was not healthy, he was alive then.

I believe there are things in life that we don't get over but in time we learn to live with them and they no longer consume our life.

I hope to TTC again soon, although worry it won't happen or that I will mc again.

Take care and I hope the bleeding stops soon. I think it is good to share our emotions here.
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Re: Emotions

Postby Kandii » Fri Mar 28, 2014 8:05 am

I thought the post would be a good way to post how we are feeling as each day goes by. Cause it seems line you never stop feeling it. Some days are better then others. I find the boards a very helpful place to go. Because it's others who have had the same experience.

I have the same fears about TTC again. My DH doesn't even want to try until after the summer now. Which is almost as devastating as loosing the baby.

I may have first AF now but it's hard to tell with everything that has happened.

I hope you get your rainbow baby soon. X
~*TTC since October 2013*~
BFP Dec 29, 2013 / Blighted Ovum Jan 23, 2014 (8w5d) / MC Feb 5, 2014 (10w4d)
Got my rainbow BFP July 19th, 2014!
DS born March 24th, 2015

~*TTC #2* shhh :shh: it's a secret!~
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