Going Back to Work

Support for anyone experiencing a miscarriage or looking for support from others who have been there.

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Going Back to Work

Postby Meggles828 » Tue Apr 01, 2014 11:06 pm

With each miscarriage I have taken a fair amount of time off from work. I need time to process and cry and just time to feel physically better. My boss has always been very understanding and never gives me a hard time about missing so much work. I'm going back in a couple of days after miscarriage #3 and although I have asked that this matter be kept confidential, I'm not sure that it was. It's weird every time I go back not knowing who knows why I was gone. Plus it's awkward when people ask me where I was. I don't want to lie or pretend I was just sick or something, but I also don't want to get into my personal issues with coworkers. It's also awkward for them the times that I have responded truthfully. They don't know what to say and I can't really blame them for that. I don't think it's always people being nosy, I think sometimes they just want to make sure I'm okay. But I don't know how to deal with it, still. And it adds to the anxiety of returning to work after being gone for 2 weeks.

How do you ladies deal with it? What do you say when people ask where you've been or worse, how your pregnancy is going? (I've had that happen a few times- it's painful.)

Missed m/c March 2013 at 7 weeks
Missed m/c October 2013 at 7 weeks
Missed m/c March 2014
8/12/14 Hysteroscopy and laparoscopy performed to remove uterine septum and check for any other issues.

Gloria Jayne born October 30, 2015!
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Re: Going Back to Work

Postby mountainbaby » Wed Apr 02, 2014 3:27 am

Hi Meggles

I am sorry for your loss

I miscarried on 18.3.14, confirmed at EPU on 19.3.14. I was 8 weeks and 3 days. I took the rest of the week off and went back on the following Monday 24.3.14. It was too soon. I was totally exhausted and very tearful. I tried to negoiate a gradual return to work, but that seemed to mean leaving an hour or half an hour early. Even then as I have a level of responsibility I got some looks from colleagues and mainly those working for me when I said I couldn't deal with their issue that day as I was finishing early. I did not tell most people - I told my boss. Maybe it would have been easier if I had told people. However even those I have told kind of expect me to be back to normal now and I am not. It has only been two weeks. They ask how I am feeling. My answer to one of them was, that I know the right answer is fine, but that I am not fine.

It is difficult to know who to tell and I think you may have to use your judgement. I think people who have not been through it don't know what to say really and really don't get how profoundly it affects you. Sometimes they say hurtful things, they think they are helping but they are not. I have spoken to one woman at work who has been through 3 miscarriages because she does understand even though they were some years ago and now has 2 healthy children.

I don't know what else to advise, I am in a similar position myself. I understand about not wanting to lie and pretend but also not wanting everyone to know.

Take Care
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BFP - Feb 2014, Natural MC 18 March, 8 weeks, 4 days.

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Re: Going Back to Work

Postby ekkotack » Wed Apr 02, 2014 5:36 am

This time I told only my boss and a close work friend. But everyone I work with knows that my husband and I are TTC so they may ask or figure it out. Thankfully I work in a healthcare office, it's almost all women, and everyone is really understanding. Actually quite a few of them shared their own loss stories with me after they found out about my miscarriage last fall.
Me: Ekko, newly 35 and AMA on the front of my chart :(
DH: Jamie, 33
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Re: Going Back to Work

Postby B Michaelson » Fri Apr 04, 2014 8:21 am

I took a week and a half off but only because I had surgery. Some people knew and were good about it and a couple ppl asked what happened. I lied and told them it was a ruptured cyst. I felt bad lying but wasn't prepared to receive pity.

A lot of people just wanted to make sure I was ok from the surgery and never asked more.

I think being able to get back into work helped distract me but it was also hard. I just tried to pretend nothing happened and kept on working.
Me - 36
Hashimotos, JHS/EDS, ANA negative, 1 Fallopian tube
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TTC #1 Aug 2012 - May 2014
DS - Born Jan 2015
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