Utterly heartbroken

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Utterly heartbroken

Postby orangecat » Tue Apr 29, 2014 2:30 pm

Hi ladies
It is with great sadness and heartbreak that I write this...
I got my first ever BFP April 18th after 17 long cycles of trying only to start spotting on the 25th. Everyone told me it would be okay and to relax. They were wrong!
I just came from my first prenatal appointment and my betas have gone from 39-30 in 10 days. The spotting is the beginning of the end...
How do you find the strength to move on?
To try again? To not give up hope?
Will expelling this pregnancy feel like a period but worse?
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Me 37
DH 39
"Unexplained Infertility" diagnosis Feb 2014
IUI- planned for May 2014
Surprise BFP April 18/2014 while waiting for IUI!
Natural miscarriage April 29/2014 - 6 weeks
IUI #1 50mg Clomid and 24 mil sperm July 4/2014= BFN
IUI #2 letrazole 2.5mg Aug= CANCELLED due to cyst and midcycle bleed
IUI #2 letrazole 2.5mg Oct 7/2014= BFN
2015 NOTHING
2016 New RE gives us hope
April 19/16 Ectopic Pregnancy while waiting to begin IUI again
Right tube removed
DH 3% Morphology
ME AMH 4.4PMOL (British scale)
"I may not be there yet. But I am closer than I was yesterday."
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Re: Utterly heartbroken

Postby mountainbaby » Wed Apr 30, 2014 2:43 am

Orange, I am so sorry for your loss.

I got my BFP in Feb after trying around the same amount of time as you. I was over the moon. I can tell you about my miscarriage but I think I was a bit further along then you, and all miscarriages are different

I had no bleeding, spotting or anything and went for a scan at 8weeks, 3 days hoping to see my baby. I did but he only measured 6 weeks 4 days and the heartbeat was irregular. The sonographer tried to convince me I had my dates wrong but I knew I hadn't. I started spotting the next day at lunchtime. By the evening I had red blood and by nightime I was doubled over in pain, and then I passed big clots and the gestational sac whole. By the time I was seen by my EPU the next day, they said I had passed everything and had a complete miscarriage. That said I bled for another 12 days. My HPT's showed positive for about a week after the mc. They did not do blood betas. I am told that it was quite unusual for my mc to have happened so quickly.

That said if your mc was earlier, like less than 6 weeks, I think you are likely to experience just more of a heavy period, maybe lasting a slight bit longer, and are unlikely to see the gestational sac. Sorry, can't tell from your post how far along you are.

Whatever happens I think the hardest thing is emotionally, especially when like us you have been trying soooo long for that BFP. Take care of yourself, take time off work, talk about what has happen. We try again because we want a baby more than we fear this happening again - well that is how it is like for me. My midwife told me that now I have been pregnant once, I will be more fertile. I try to hold onto this. It has been 6 weeks since it happened, there are some days I cry, some days I don't. The first couple of weeks I was crying all the time.

Again I am sorry this is happening. I hope your health care providers supports you through this. All the ladies on this part of the board have been through mc and we are here for you.
TTC since Oct 12

BFP - Feb 2014, Natural MC 18 March, 8 weeks, 4 days.

BFP - June 2014
US - 18.7.14 - baby measuring 8+1. Strong, clear heartbeat.


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Re: Utterly heartbroken

Postby orangecat » Wed Apr 30, 2014 5:42 am

Thanks MountainBaby
I was exactly 6 weeks yesterday.
I feel extreme pain in my ovaries this morning and part of me still feels "pregnant". I am taking off work until after Mother's Day. I know time will help heal but for now the pain is immense.
It's crazy but we haven't know for too long but as soon as you see that double line you start thinking of your future....we were planning on starting house hunting for a 3 bedroom as a little one squished into our 2 bedroom condo wouldn't have been ideal.
Thank you for your kind words.
I know the community on here will help me through this.
Sorry for you loss as well:(
Image
Me 37
DH 39
"Unexplained Infertility" diagnosis Feb 2014
IUI- planned for May 2014
Surprise BFP April 18/2014 while waiting for IUI!
Natural miscarriage April 29/2014 - 6 weeks
IUI #1 50mg Clomid and 24 mil sperm July 4/2014= BFN
IUI #2 letrazole 2.5mg Aug= CANCELLED due to cyst and midcycle bleed
IUI #2 letrazole 2.5mg Oct 7/2014= BFN
2015 NOTHING
2016 New RE gives us hope
April 19/16 Ectopic Pregnancy while waiting to begin IUI again
Right tube removed
DH 3% Morphology
ME AMH 4.4PMOL (British scale)
"I may not be there yet. But I am closer than I was yesterday."
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orangecat
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Posts: 325
Joined: Mon Jun 24, 2013 10:44 am
Location: Regina, Saskatchewan. CANADA

Re: Utterly heartbroken

Postby ekkotack » Wed Apr 30, 2014 7:57 am

Hi, so very sorry for your loss! My m/cs completed much later so i don't know what a 6 week one will feel like, but I hope it is (physically) easy for you. If all goes well then you should be able to TTC again soon, if you're ready. Emotionally it will be a journey for you and everyone is different in terms of healing. Glad you are taking some time off of work.
Me: Ekko, newly 35 and AMA on the front of my chart :(
DH: Jamie, 33
Mommy to Ellis Mae, born 10/26/12
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Oct 2013 d&c
April 2014 d&c

BFP 8/22/14 grow baby, grow! !
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Re: Utterly heartbroken

Postby BichonFrise » Wed Apr 30, 2014 3:38 pm

Hi Orangecat,

I am so sorry for your loss. :hugs:

I had 2 MCs back to back and post my experience here: viewtopic.php?f=32&t=221532

The first MC is at 7 weeks, the 2nd one at 5 weeks 1 day.

I am now on my 3rd BFP and going on strong at 15 weeks. So definitely, if you want this bad, don't let this to deter you from trying again. At the same time, allow as much time to heal as well (though for me, the healing comes in trying again).
Me (39) DH (41)

TTC #1 since June 2013. Married for 10 years.

BFP #1: 10/01/2013 MC: 10/15/2013 (7 weeks)
BFP #2: 12/24/2013 MC: 01/01/2014 (5 weeks 1 day)
BFP #3: 02/08/2014 Ethan was born 6 lbs 9 Oz on Oct 17th, 2014.

TTC #2 since November 2015

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Re: Utterly heartbroken

Postby Rhondalynn77 » Wed Apr 30, 2014 10:45 pm

orangecat,
Hi, i was further along also and do not know what you will experience physically. I know what has helped me through this emotionally is my faith in God and knowing that I will see my baby again. I have also searched out miscarriage grief websites and support groups in addition to the one on here. I found several and have found some books that i have begun reading also. I think as far as m/c go i had a rather unique and difficult experience, i posted my experience here. viewtopic.php?f=32&t=224562 There are also several great ladies on here that have been through this and are quite supportive. some of them have already commented on your post. Praying this goes quickly for you. <3 please let me know if you need anything.
Me: 37, Rhonda
DH: 38, Brian
DS: 6, Elijah
:angel: early m/c May 23, '14
BFP: Feb 9, 2014 :angel: m/c Ap '14
:angel: early m/c 2/12
TTC since June '13

PCOS 1500mg Met. Male Factor: 1% Morph prob due to type 1 diabetes

Nov 4 100mg Clomid (1 egg)-BFN
Dec 14 100mg Clo (1) and IUI-BFN
Jan 15 100mg Clo (1) and IUI- BFN
Feb 15 150mg Clo (2) and IUI- BFN
March 15 delay:cyst. Bravelle (FSH) Inj Cancelled: Cyst
April 15-Natural: BFP!!!
TEAM PINK!!

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And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5&6


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