fear - after 1 stillbirth and 1 miscarriage.

Support for anyone experiencing a miscarriage or looking for support from others who have been there.

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fear - after 1 stillbirth and 1 miscarriage.

Postby CamronsMommy » Fri May 02, 2014 9:45 am

Almost 6 years have passed since my son was born sleeping, and my emotions ran WILD after receiving 4 undeniable Bfps. So much excitement and happiness. But also sadness, longing for my baby boy to be wiggly in my arms (though he'd be almost 6 by now, it's hard to picture him as anything but that healthy looking sleepy baby in my arms, completely still). To be honest, I didn't even consider a miscarriage. It never crossed my mind that I could lose this pregnancy so soon. My biggest fear was for the third trimester when the threat of my preeclampsia seemed almost guaranteed. Never worried about a miscarriage when most of my first pregnancy was normal and seemingly healthy as any.

I had minor spotting, and was reassured by just about everyone (including my Ob) that it was normal and I shouldn't worry about it. So I didn't. Until I hit the 6 week mark. I wasn't spotting, I was bleeding. No tissue or clots passed for the first half hour, so I was holding on to hope, as I had an appointment with my Ob that very day. After a while, I knew I was experiencing a miscarriage. Passing a lot of tissue and having heavy cramps. I didn't know what to do, but cry and cry. At my appointment we found that my beta was quickly returning to normal levels.

I was heartbroken. I don't know how long I sat in that room and cried. For 10 days I built up many hopes and dreams for the future. Made plans in my head, and fantasized holding a vocal, wiggly take home baby of my own. Dh took me home, and I cried for the remainder of the day, and into the next few days.

It's been a week, and I think my uterus has completely emptied, as the bleeding and cramping are both gone completely. As of only yesterday.

I am still sad, I still cry.

There was SO much support for me on this site. It was overwhelming for me to see how many ladies truly cared, and showed real empathy.

At this point, I'm terrified. While I know that Dh and I can successfully get pregnant. I'm afraid we won't be able to stay pregnant. I want so much to continue trying. I just don't know how to overcome the fear and anxiety.

I'm running low on strength.

Feb '08 - Bfp!!!
OCT '08 - baby Camron born still :angel2:
Depo injection 2009-2013
Actively ttc since Dec. '13

April 14th 2014- BFP!!!
April 25th 2014 - m/c @ 6 weeks :angel2:


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Re: fear - after 1 stillbirth and 1 miscarriage.

Postby tmcleland » Fri May 02, 2014 12:21 pm

I am so sorry about both your losses :( I am glad you are able to talk to many woman on this site. Its hard but you seem like a really strong woman, and that sticky BFP will come! Wish you and your DH all the best!
TTC#1 since October 2011
:angel2: January 2012
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Re: fear - after 1 stillbirth and 1 miscarriage.

Postby ekkotack » Mon May 19, 2014 6:09 am

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. It can be very discouraging and difficult to trust that you will be able to have a baby after having to deal with that. But, hope is all we have to hang on to. It stinks that we are in this situation........ but I know, for me, I can't stop trying and I can't stop believing it will happen. It hasn't been long since your recent loss, so you may just need more time to mentally process it before you can even think about trying again. But there are a lot of positive, affirming stories on here that give me hope, and I pray they will do the same for you. Take care!
Me: Ekko, newly 35 and AMA on the front of my chart :(
DH: Jamie, 33
Mommy to Ellis Mae, born 10/26/12

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