Please stop asking me when we will have another....

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Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby eh_ep » Wed Jul 02, 2014 12:21 am

I know DD is almost 6, I know she is asking for a sibling. I know I am not getting any younger. ..I know everyone around me is having babies and YES I would love to join them!!!!

Why must everyone I see lately (even people I just met) ask me if I will have another child... I seriously want to scream at them... don't you think if it was that easy I would have already had one??? It's not all that easy for me, apparently I'm broken and no one knows how to fix me!

Today I really wanted to tell someone that I would love to have another child but right now I am having a miscarriage as we speak!

And everyone is having babies, my sister - in - law. Is pregnant and due in Sept (we would have been due weeks apart had I not had a miscarriage in Jan) and her first just turned 1, my other sister - in - law just had a baby in Nov. My brother-in - law has a 3 month old, my really good friend is 2 months pregnant. ....
And here I sit listening to my daughter pray before bed to have a baby brother or sister :cry:
DD Caitlin Catherine 5lbs 15oz dec 20 '08
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:angel: M/C sept 1, 2007 5w1d
:angel: M/C Feb 6, 2008 11w3d D&C feb 8
BFP April 18, 2008
first beta april 24, 2008 - 2718!!!
second beta april 29, 2008 - 16077!!!!
:hb: 126bpm 6w3d - 6.4mm (CRL)
DD born Dec 20, 2008
BFP Jan 16, 2014 12 Dpo
:angel: M/C Jan 28, 2014 5w3d
BFP June 24, 2024 11dpo
:angel: M/C July 1, 2014 4w4d
BFP May 20, 2015 9dpo
Beta #1 14dpo 101
Beta #2 16dpo 172
Beta #3 18dpo 414
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Re: Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby mountainbaby » Wed Jul 02, 2014 2:19 am

EH, my heart is breaking for you just reading your post, especially the bit about your little daughter praying for a brother or sister.

I do wish people would mind their own business really. I know they mean well, but really if people thought about it, if a person wanted a child or another child they would be trying and if they do not or are not ready yet, someone asking is not going to make a blind bit of difference.

Someone at work suggested I start trying for children about 4 weeks after my miscarriage and I just couldn't put on the act, and just blurted out that I had been trying and I had just had a miscarriage. Just couldn't hold it in. But you know I did not want the whole world to know, but I couldn't play act any more.

I really hope that you will get your rainbow and that your prayers and that of your little one are answered.

BTW - I know it must be an old photo but your DD is beautiful.
TTC since Oct 12

BFP - Feb 2014, Natural MC 18 March, 8 weeks, 4 days.

BFP - June 2014
US - 18.7.14 - baby measuring 8+1. Strong, clear heartbeat.


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Re: Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby maimee79 » Wed Jul 02, 2014 3:03 pm

Wow, it's like you read my mind... my dd is almost six, we've been trying for almost 3 yrs for our second baby. I had a miscarriage about a year ago, and I am waiting to start miscarriage number 2 any moment:( I just wanted you to know I day dream about smacking people when they ask me about having another baby.You're not alone.
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Re: Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby BichonFrise » Thu Jul 03, 2014 2:14 pm

I am so sorry that people can be insensitive. I might be one of those people before until I experienced my own losses. Now, I am so mindful on this and never ask anyone on when you will give so & so a brother etc. I've seen some of my friends still do that to my other friends who don't have kids yet though.

DH and I have been together for 16 years and married for 11. We are so accustomed with ppl pestering and being nosey on why we haven't had a child yet.

I usually rolled my eyes and brushed them off. Since I had my losses, this type of question is stink to high heaven. Even until today as I'm 24 weeks pregnant, ppl asked why you guys wait for so long, did you prevent it before? *sigh* It's really none of their business. I'm so sorry, I hope you will get your rainbow baby soon.
Me (39) DH (41)

TTC #1 since June 2013. Married for 10 years.

BFP #1: 10/01/2013 MC: 10/15/2013 (7 weeks)
BFP #2: 12/24/2013 MC: 01/01/2014 (5 weeks 1 day)
BFP #3: 02/08/2014 Ethan was born 6 lbs 9 Oz on Oct 17th, 2014.

TTC #2 since November 2015

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Re: Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby maimee79 » Thu Jul 03, 2014 4:21 pm

I know people mean well, that's what makes it so frustrating. These are usually people who love and care about us, and would feel terrible if I blurted out about all our issues trying to conceive.
My husband says I should tell people totally outrageous stuff, like he lost a testicle in a freak bear attack, Men... at least he can make me laugh, lol
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Re: Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby Rhondalynn77 » Sun Jul 06, 2014 1:52 pm

eh, I am so sorry you are going through another m/c. I have experienced the same thing, lately it has been my sister, who i see like once a month, almost every time i see her after my m/c in april she asks if we are still trying, YES WE ARE, but you only ovulate once a month and i had only ovulated 2 times since i saw her and one was a bfn and the other a chemical.... i dont really want to tell people... im ovulating next week so ask me in about 3 weeks if i am pregnant.
it seems where my sis is coming from is like, well you miscarried so why are you still trying, obviously you aren't meant to be pregnant. She has no clue, one daughter who came easily and is going to be 10.
ds will be 6 in november and was a preemie with a lot of health issues for 2 years, (how could we even think of having another while all that was happening) and then i got injured and it took 3 years to have surgery... that is what has been happening the last 5 years, then it took 8 months to get preg, then i m/c... why cant they mind their own business. she is just nosy.

Sorry for the rant...
Mamie, i think I will use your dh method....
I happened to get preg right away after my m/c and had a chemical. I found out that my sil, is preg and we would have been due on the same day.... :/ She is 10 years younger than me and this is her second my niece is 1.5 and apparently it was only one bd that she got preg from........... I really am happy for her, but it stung.
Me: 37, Rhonda
DH: 38, Brian
DS: 6, Elijah
:angel: early m/c May 23, '14
BFP: Feb 9, 2014 :angel: m/c Ap '14
:angel: early m/c 2/12
TTC since June '13

PCOS 1500mg Met. Male Factor: 1% Morph prob due to type 1 diabetes

Nov 4 100mg Clomid (1 egg)-BFN
Dec 14 100mg Clo (1) and IUI-BFN
Jan 15 100mg Clo (1) and IUI- BFN
Feb 15 150mg Clo (2) and IUI- BFN
March 15 delay:cyst. Bravelle (FSH) Inj Cancelled: Cyst
April 15-Natural: BFP!!!
TEAM PINK!!

"Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5&6


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Re: Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby maimee79 » Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:47 pm

I'm sorry for your loss Rhonda, and I understand about the sting. One of my bfs had a lot of trouble getting pg, finally did ivt, and had a healthy baby. she just got pg again naturally and totally unexpected. I'm truly happy for her, she deserves it, Lord knows she had enough of her own heart ache. But as much as I don't want it to, it still highlights my own failure when I see her right now. Makes me feel like a lousy friend :(
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Re: Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby maimee79 » Sun Jul 06, 2014 2:49 pm

And if you go with the outrageous story route, let me know how it goes. We could start our own outrageous story thread, lol.
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Re: Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby Rhondalynn77 » Sun Jul 06, 2014 5:35 pm

I think that having a m/c makes it worse in someways, since we have experienced a loss of a baby that could have been here. It is normal to have those feelings about our friends and families. Its hard because they dont understand. I love coming on here cuz you can find people who are experiencing the same thing and have the same feelings and we can talk about it, and find others who understand it. Im sorry for your loss too maimee. How far along are you this m/c?
Me: 37, Rhonda
DH: 38, Brian
DS: 6, Elijah
:angel: early m/c May 23, '14
BFP: Feb 9, 2014 :angel: m/c Ap '14
:angel: early m/c 2/12
TTC since June '13

PCOS 1500mg Met. Male Factor: 1% Morph prob due to type 1 diabetes

Nov 4 100mg Clomid (1 egg)-BFN
Dec 14 100mg Clo (1) and IUI-BFN
Jan 15 100mg Clo (1) and IUI- BFN
Feb 15 150mg Clo (2) and IUI- BFN
March 15 delay:cyst. Bravelle (FSH) Inj Cancelled: Cyst
April 15-Natural: BFP!!!
TEAM PINK!!

"Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5&6


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Re: Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby maimee79 » Sun Jul 06, 2014 9:14 pm

I was just five weeks :( I'm grateful that at least they happen early, if they have to happen. Just trying to find what positives things I can. As bad as this is, I couldn't imagine what it's like to lose a baby at 12 weeks or 20 or later. Ahhhh, I just will be relieved when it's over.
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Re: Please stop asking me when we will have another....

Postby Rhondalynn77 » Sun Jul 06, 2014 9:47 pm

i had a missed m/c, i was 11w2d when i had the tiniest bit of spotting and went in to urgent care the next morning, they said the baby measured 8w2d and there was not heartbeat. I didnt actually m/c till 12w2d. I had all the preg symptoms, no bleeding and we saw the heartbeat at 8w1d, the baby must have passed the next day. I really think being any amount preg is still hard with m/c.
Me: 37, Rhonda
DH: 38, Brian
DS: 6, Elijah
:angel: early m/c May 23, '14
BFP: Feb 9, 2014 :angel: m/c Ap '14
:angel: early m/c 2/12
TTC since June '13

PCOS 1500mg Met. Male Factor: 1% Morph prob due to type 1 diabetes

Nov 4 100mg Clomid (1 egg)-BFN
Dec 14 100mg Clo (1) and IUI-BFN
Jan 15 100mg Clo (1) and IUI- BFN
Feb 15 150mg Clo (2) and IUI- BFN
March 15 delay:cyst. Bravelle (FSH) Inj Cancelled: Cyst
April 15-Natural: BFP!!!
TEAM PINK!!

"Delight yourself also in the Lord,
And He shall give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4


"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5&6


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