Never been through a loss this far...need advice please

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Never been through a loss this far...need advice please

Postby jess2245 » Fri Aug 15, 2014 3:27 pm

Hello lovely ladies. I hope everyone here is doing well and trying to stay strong. Today I found out I have lost my baby at 9w3d. I went in for a 12 week scan and discovered our baby had stopped growing and no longer had a heart beat. We are feeling so lost right now. My ob had poor bedside manners with telling us and this was so unexpected as we'd seen the heartbeat twice before. I am scheduled for a d &e on Monday as my body isn't letting go. No bleeding, no cramping. I was in shock to say the least. Obviously, I hope to TTC again soon but have not been through this process before. What can I expect? Will I be bleeding heavily? Pain? Experiences? I want to hear all you ladies are willing to share. Thank you.
Me (31) BF (37) DS (10) DS (5) DD (5)
MC 8/18/14 with us for 9w3d :(
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Re: Never been through a loss this far...need advice please

Postby Ariel245p » Sun Aug 17, 2014 9:07 pm

Last summer I had a my first miscarriage at 10 wks but my baby came out on it's on while I was at home. I had horrific cramps so bad I was on the floor crying cause it hurt so bad.So I decided to go take a nap and try to relax and hoped the pain would subside .But instead I woke up to a pool of blood.And started freaking out and it wouldn't stop and then cramps kept on again until my baby which came out and then I just kept on bleeding heavily. I called the doctor and they just said nothing they could have done it was meant to happen and they were sorry and to come in for testing.But everything checkout out fine for both me and my partner.And 5 mos later we ttc again and got pregnant again this July and miscarried again but at 7 wks. The physical pain was not as bad as the first ,but the bleeding was still super heavy.The worst part of it all of course is the emotional pain and having time pass and thinking of what could have been..etc. or why did this happen to you and getting back to ttc again which the first m/c I took a break this second time we jumped right back into ttc .But you will get there take your time to be sad and appreciate the little amount of time you did get to have your baby even if it was so short.I hope this helps even a little and I am sorry for your loss and send lots of love and positive thoughts your way.
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Re: Never been through a loss this far...need advice please

Postby ekkotack » Mon Aug 18, 2014 5:42 am

Hi so sorry to hear about your loss. I have had two D&Cs and they were VERY easy procedures for me to have and recover from. They gave me pain meds for after, but I did not need them. I tried to miscarry one at home and it did not go well at all, so I know in the future I would opt for the D&C right away. You will be on restriction from sex/tampons, etc for 2 weeks after the procedure. They say you can TTC again after your first regular cycle post-D&C, for me about 6 weeks. Again, so sorry for your loss. HUGS!!
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Re: Never been through a loss this far...need advice please

Postby jess2245 » Mon Aug 18, 2014 4:41 pm

Hello ladies. I'm sorry we have all been through this experience. It really is heartbreaking. I had my dilation and suction today. I am feeling ok. Just crampy and some minor spotting. The thing I'm curious about is my Dr said that I can use tampons after 2 days. I asked him 3 times to be sure of what was said. He said that after 2 days the cervix is closed and the risk for infection is small. I've never heard this before. :/
Me (31) BF (37) DS (10) DS (5) DD (5)
MC 8/18/14 with us for 9w3d :(
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Re: Never been through a loss this far...need advice please

Postby mamabear1 » Mon Aug 18, 2014 7:08 pm

Hi Jess. I'm glad to hear that the procedure went well. Mine was a missed m/c where baby's heart had stopped around 8wks2days. I only just miscarried 2days ago - I would have been 11wks today :cry:
It was a very hard decision for me whether to wait for a m/c to happen naturally or to have intervention. I was seriously ready to go for the D&C when I finally started to bleed. Doing it naturally was very difficult indeed.
As for the tampon issue. I have no idea on this but I can tell you that after two days post natural m/c, my cervix is still VERY open. Perhaps you should just steer clear of the tampons if you have any doubts - just to be on the safe side. IMO Dr's do not have all the answers.
I hope your path to healing - physically and emotionally - is a speedy one :hugs:
[i]TTC one more precious bundle since Oct 2013 with my now 41yr old eggs, and severe mfi :(

m/c Jan 2007 7w5d
DD Nov 2007
DS Feb 2010
m/c Aug 2014 10w5d

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EPU 25/1/16 - 5 follicles, 5 eggs (all mature), 3 fertilised (ICSI).
CGH testing on 1 day 6 embryo = abnormal.
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Re: Never been through a loss this far...need advice please

Postby Stardancer8764 » Tue Aug 19, 2014 8:09 pm

Jess- :hugs:

I am so sorry- I know there is not much to say. I will say you are not alone. I had a D&c on June 28th. Almost 8 weeks ago after going in for my NT scan and found no HB at 11 weeks. Devastating. My baby had passed around 8.5weeks. We had previously saw a HB before too. I am sorry your OB had poor bedside manners- my guess she was shocked and emotional too and was maybe even a little upset as well? Sometimes we loose our "professionalism" when raw emotion takes over. My OB was very medical- basically told me I was a statistic and "better outcome next time." :doh: He said to keep my chin up and didn't seem to concerned.

My doc told me pads for 2 weeks- but also told me I can swim 48h afterwards- and we DTD within a week. So, I guess no one really knows- but I would do what you are comfortable with. I personally would use pads to keep an eye on the clotting. I did pass some really large clots a week later.

It's been tough and it's not easy. I spent the majority of the day crying today. I have not gotten my period yet and it will be 8 weeks on Sat. They say 9 month up and 9 months down with pregnancy, I hope this will be 11 weeks up, and 11 weeks down and no longer than that. I am so sad and I don't think anything will heal this broken heart of mine completely.... I am keeping my chin up for another baby- but that is so so so hard. I just want AF so I can move on..... hugs love. I am hanging out on the TTC Buddy group after a loss if you want support the ladies are great over there.
Myself: 30
DH: 33
Married: 10/18/08
DD: Baby#1 :future baby girl: 04.26.13 :bfp: 08/12/12 :hb: 169bpm 9/10/12
:angel: Baby #2 due 1/15/15 :hb: 140bpm - 06/28/14 missed m/c and D&C at 11 weeks.
DS: Baby #3 :future baby boy: 08.11.15 :bfp: 11/23/14 :hb: 165bmp 12/23/14


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