Struggling with my loss

Support for anyone experiencing a miscarriage or looking for support from others who have been there.

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Struggling with my loss

Postby mamabear1 » Sun Aug 24, 2014 6:39 pm

Hi everyone. My siggy tells the snapshot of my ttc story and that I recently endured a loss. I know many of you have experienced losses, my heart goes out to each and everyone of you.

I just don't know how to pick myself up. I am completely devastated and am so emotional. I feel like a different person - just a shell walking around doing all the duties I have to do through the day, smiling and chatting to people I have to encounter - but avoiding everyone where possible. I can't believe I actually got my bfp but that it was ripped away from me :cry:

I'm finding it really hard that I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant, so now my family and friends don't know I've had a loss. It's all a bit complicated but to simplify it, our children didn't know about my pregnancy and we didn't want them to be upset about the news of our loss. But if we told our family then it would get back to our children in one form or another and I'm not sure I want them to know. Hence I've been suffering in my own bubble.

I'm eager to get back to TTC but am so scared as well. I'm so worried it's going to take months again to conceive - if I do at all - and I feel so pressured by time as I'm 40 in a couple of weeks. So trying to be hopeful but not really feeling it. I'm so sorry for the garble. Just having a really tough day and thought I'd finally post again.

Does anyone have any advice that has helped you get through this horrible experience? Perhaps just something thought provoking that you could share to pep me up a bit?
[i]TTC one more precious bundle since Oct 2013 with my now 41yr old eggs, and severe mfi :(

m/c Jan 2007 7w5d
DD Nov 2007
DS Feb 2010
m/c Aug 2014 10w5d

IVF#1
EPU 25/1/16 - 5 follicles, 5 eggs (all mature), 3 fertilised (ICSI).
CGH testing on 1 day 6 embryo = abnormal.
Time for a new FS and a kick a*s protocol.
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Re: Struggling with my loss

Postby BichonFrise » Sun Aug 24, 2014 8:59 pm

Hi Mamabear,

I am so sorry for your loss.

I am not sure if there is any word that ease the pain. When it first happened to me, I felt like I was in a fog for 2 months, the first month, there wasn't a day where I didn't shed a tear. I was leaning in to my husband, my mom, and my best friends for support. I think we just go through the grieving process and only time can heal. In my case, trying it again (and now 32 weeks pregnant) certainly help. I had 2 miscarriages back to back but decided to keep trying/pushing through.

The pain will always be there but if this is something that you truly want, you have to keep the courage to keep on trying.
Me (39) DH (41)

TTC #1 since June 2013. Married for 10 years.

BFP #1: 10/01/2013 MC: 10/15/2013 (7 weeks)
BFP #2: 12/24/2013 MC: 01/01/2014 (5 weeks 1 day)
BFP #3: 02/08/2014 Ethan was born 6 lbs 9 Oz on Oct 17th, 2014.

TTC #2 since November 2015

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Re: Struggling with my loss

Postby mamabear1 » Mon Aug 25, 2014 8:12 pm

BishonFrise .... hello!! I remember you on this site. How wonderful to read that you are 32wks along!!! My goodness. Thank you for replying to my post. You are right I know. For sure being able to TTC is a healer - it is what got me through with my 1st m/c. I think it will be same this time. It will help to feel that I am actively doing something to get my bfp.

I'm just trying to take each day as it comes, chill out more and be kind to myself - even though I am so angry at the world. It will pass.

Thank you and I wish you all the very best in your final weeks of pregnancy.
[i]TTC one more precious bundle since Oct 2013 with my now 41yr old eggs, and severe mfi :(

m/c Jan 2007 7w5d
DD Nov 2007
DS Feb 2010
m/c Aug 2014 10w5d

IVF#1
EPU 25/1/16 - 5 follicles, 5 eggs (all mature), 3 fertilised (ICSI).
CGH testing on 1 day 6 embryo = abnormal.
Time for a new FS and a kick a*s protocol.
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Re: Struggling with my loss

Postby BichonFrise » Wed Sep 03, 2014 11:20 am

Hi Mamabear,

Thank you for the well wishing. I hear you about the myriad emotions. I was angry to the world too and couldn't help blaming myself (like maybe I shouldn't swim, maybe I shouldn't travel etc etc). like you said, it will pass and only time will heal. Take care Mamabear and wish you the best for your next TTC journey.
Me (39) DH (41)

TTC #1 since June 2013. Married for 10 years.

BFP #1: 10/01/2013 MC: 10/15/2013 (7 weeks)
BFP #2: 12/24/2013 MC: 01/01/2014 (5 weeks 1 day)
BFP #3: 02/08/2014 Ethan was born 6 lbs 9 Oz on Oct 17th, 2014.

TTC #2 since November 2015

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My Ovulation Chart
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Re: Struggling with my loss

Postby Stardancer8764 » Mon Sep 15, 2014 11:21 am

I posted on the other thread- make sure you see it.
Myself: 32
DH: 35
Married: 10/18/08
DD: Baby#1 :future baby girl: 04.26.13 :bfp: 08/12/12 :hb: 169bpm 9/10/12
:angel: Baby #2 due 1/15/15 :hb: 140bpm - 06/28/14 missed m/c and D&C at 11 weeks.
DS: Baby #3 :future baby boy: 08.11.15 :bfp: 11/23/14 :hb: 165bmp 12/23/14
:angel: Baby #4 :bfp: 10/18/17 CP 10/24/17
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Re: Struggling with my loss

Postby snflowr » Wed Sep 17, 2014 6:24 pm

Mamabear,
I am sorry you are going through this. I feel your pain. I am just having my second miscarriage (still trying #1, and I am close to your age). I also have not told anyone, because people in our families are not even as strong as I am, and wouldn't really be of much help. Suffering in your own bubble is terrible. We don't know each other and our support really won't be as good as a good friend's or family members, but there are a lot of supportive people on these boards. Please know that you are in my thoughts.
It's the most difficult thing to do, but my counselor would always say taking care of myself is the best healer. Try to do things that you enjoy. That seems impossible while you are suffering, but maybe read a book, do some crafts. Knitting can be very meditational. I have a couple of "stress blankets" that I did at difficult life periods. (You know the simple straight thing that doesn't require any thinking). A silly tv series would be fine. But still allow yourself to feel the pain once in a while. If you feel an urge to cry in the middle of anything, try to find a quiet corner and do it. You can't bottle up emotions. I am sure you can find a lot of resources online about proper grieving, which will be very important before you can move forward without emotional baggage.
Stay away from facebook! And malls and parks, wherever you can see babies. Don't go to baby showers, have your gift shipped online.
Last, but not least, spend good time with your children and be thankful you have them. Apparently, you are a good and considerate mom.
I hope you feel better soon.
me (41 & Hashimoto's) dh (46) :angel: (2014); :angel: :angel: (2014); DS (1)
TTC#2 since Oct 2016; :angel: (2017)
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Re: Struggling with my loss

Postby CyndiLooWhoo » Sat Jan 31, 2015 8:00 pm

Hi Mamabear

I'm so sorry for your loss.
I just had a miscarriage and I'm also 39.
I've decided to tell certain people, but my kids are a bit younger so I'm hoping that they won't know. I agree, they don't need to know that pain.
I've had three prior losses and I didn't tell that many people but I just decided that this is a major crisis in my life and I need the appropriate support. There is no lie or story that I can tell people that will enable them to understand why I'm a wreck these days . I just have to share the truth where I can. If that means my kids teacher and my hairdresser and babysitter feel a little awkward, so be it. I have no energy to fake "normal" for these people. I'm frikkin sad!!!

I wish I were further along in my grief to be more supportive, but this is all new and fresh. I'm happy to have company in my grief if that's helpful to you.

I'm telling myself, and you, that there's time yet to get pregnant again. Maybe we'll be pregnant together?

Hang on each day. It's got to get better.
Cyn (40) DH (42)
DS1(6) DS2 (2)
DS3 born December 10, 2015!!

4 Angel Babies, most recently m/c at 8 weeks 1.29.15

4.11.15 BFP @ 12 dpo stick, Baby, stick!
cd 28 beta 327
cd 30 beta 907
5.6.15 :hb: 149 measuring 7 weeks 4 days
6.12.15 It's a BOY! :baby tumble:
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