Miscarriage after miracle

Support for anyone experiencing a miscarriage or looking for support from others who have been there.

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Miscarriage after miracle

Postby moggiee » Fri Oct 02, 2015 5:18 pm

My name is Meg, and I have been on an emotional Rollercoaster over the past couple of months. My partner and I found out that we were pregnant quite early as I work in a lab so was able to test myself. So we knew from about 3 weeks. I had already been taking all my vitamins, and staying away from all the danger foods etc.
At 5+2 I realised that my HCG levels had not risen (2980-3070 in 5 days). This was my first trip to emergency. Where they scanned me and said that as my levels werent rising, there was no heartbeat or fetal pole, that it was an nonviable pregnancy, and to go home and wait for miscarriage. I went to see my GP and after a few calls they were all ready to send me to hospital for treatment. The OBS on call at the hospital decided to wait, and get me another scan.
So the long wait started, and 10 days after the original scan I went in expecting the worst. The Ultrasound Technician showed me a healthy heartbeat of 148 and told me our baby measured at 6+5 and had a due date of April 28 2016. I was shocked and cried and it was so hard to get excited again after already grieving a loss. My doc suggested another scan the following week just to make sure that all was good, and again, a strong heartbeat 168 and an extra days growth, measuring 7+6. This was when i got really excited again.
We did a road trip telling the whole family, and a few close friends the news. Everyone was so excited for us. And at 10 weeks i was talking about the 12 week scan how excited i was to see all the parts of my baby, and How we were planning to announce it to the world.
That same day, at 10 weeks I was at work and started getting a little spotting, which i had already had a few times. I noticed as I continued to work that I was having quite bad back pain and period like cramps. I knew something wasnt right and going to the bathroom I noted that the brown spotting had turned into a brighter red. I had made an appointment to see my Obs, but I just left work and went straight to emergency.
After hours waiting, they had taken my blood but hadnt told me anything, they took me into get a scan. I knew as soon as the Technician was quiet and wasnt saying anything that the news was not good. They took me back to my bed in emergency, and told me that my baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks. Just 1 day after the ultrasound that had showed a healthy growth and heartbeat.
They then gave me the choice between a natural miscarriage, giving me a tablet to bring on the symptoms and severity of the natural miscarriage or surgery. I chose surgery. I was suffering enough at that point, but to go through weeks of cramping, bleeding and physical pain on top of the mental anguish i was feeling felt like it would be too much for me to handle.

Here I am 4 days later, and I really dont know what to do. Im in this limbo, not pregnant, but not not pregnant.
moggiee
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Re: Miscarriage after miracle

Postby amaura » Sat Oct 03, 2015 3:11 am

Hi Meg -

I feel like I'm right there with you - pregnant but not not pregnant. I had surgery on Tuesday night due to an ectopic pregnancy. Surgery was also my choice because I wanted it over and couldn't see bring able to go through the long and most likely emotional and painful process of methotrexate. Turned out, I would have needed the surgery anyway because it would have ruptured.
Life feels like it's in limbo right now and as the physical pain diminishes, the emotional pain is getting clearer.

I'm really sorry to hear of the ups and downs you went through and of your loss. Just wanted to reach out because I feel like I understand where you are right now and I too am looking for something to get me through this feeling of being in limbo. Hugs.

-Maureen
Me - 34
Husband - 34
Son - 7 (a happy accident)
TTC #2 since April 2014

July 2015: HSG Scan shows tubes open and clear!
9/14/15: BFP - Ectopic :angel: (9/29/15: Laparoscopic surgery - saved right tube; HSG kept rising and received doses of methotrexate on 10/6 and again 10/14.)
June 2016: Repeat HSG - tubes are open and clear!
8/15/16: BFP, betas 15, 44, 176, 662, 66@6w :angel:

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Re: Miscarriage after miracle

Postby southernbelle » Sat Oct 03, 2015 5:53 am

I'm so sorry for your loss. The same thing happened to me in February. Baby's heart stopped a few days after last scan. Honestly I'm still not over it. I was due last month. I've had three losses this year and that one still breaks my heart the most as I was further along. I hope you find peace. I've found distractions and wine help me. lol Good luck on your journey.
NTNP

Mar 2013 chemical pregnancy
May 2013 :bfp:
Feb 2014 Baby Girl :babyg:
Feb 2015 missed miscarriage @ 8 weeks (Vitex)
Apr 2015 miscarriage @ 6 weeks (Vitex)
Jun 2015 hysteroscopy
Aug 2015 failed IUI #1 (Femara, Follistim, Ovidrel)
Sep 2015 chemical pregnancy (Vitex)
Oct 2015 500mg Metformin, Baby Aspirin, 100mg Clomid cd 3-7 - Round 1
Nov 2015 500mg Metformin, Baby Aspirin, 150mg Clomid cd 3-7, Follistim cd 8-11, Ovidrel
Dec 2015 500mg Metformin, Baby Aspirin, Vitex, Preseed, Mucinex :bfp:
Aug 2016 Baby Boy :babyb:

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Re: Miscarriage after miracle

Postby moggiee » Fri Oct 09, 2015 6:18 pm

Thank you for your words. It has been a trying couple of weeks. But I guess I am seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. I have such an amazing support network around me right now, and am on some leave from work. I have some random tears but I think (although it still hurts a lot) I have come to terms with the loss and am looking towards the future and trying again.

I had my first :bfn: this morning and was so excited (yes I sound crazy). I guess I see it as the first step to my body getting back to normal and us trying again. It happened very quickly for us the first time (2nd cycle), so fingers crossed that it wont take long again (we arent waiting the 3 cycles like "they" suggest, my doc said my body wont let me get pregnant again until its ready).

Im probably not going to track my cycles again just yet. Might just have some fun and see what happens (my OH and I are quite sexually active anyway).
moggiee
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