Traumatized

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Traumatized

Postby MrsCahill » Sun Sep 07, 2014 6:23 pm

I haven't been on here in some time, but have returned hoping to find support and maybe even answers.

So, November of 2013 finally received my suspected diagnosis of PCOS, my ovaries are just filled with tons of cysts. We saw a new RE and we did Femara ( I didn't respond with Clomid), injectibles, hcg trigger shot and iui without success. That was very trying emotionally and I wanted to take a break. So, my RE had mentioned we could try birth control for about 3 months and it could help shrink the cysts and maybe I could ovulate and get pregnant on my own when I stopped them. Without the assistance of hormones, I do not have a cycle nor ovulate. So I started them in March and on June 16, 2014, my life forever changed.

I developed migraines in 2010, I would get one every few months and could not figure out what triggered them. Since October last year, they were happening more often and lasting longer and getting worse. On June 16, I was off work and woke up with a really bad one, I took meds and laid back down. When I woke up, the pain was even worse and the pressure was nauseating. My gut told me something was wrong.

I drove to my local urgent care because I couldn't make it further. It took over an hour to get back, I'm young and I'm guessing they didn't take me seriously until I almost passed out and started vomiting. The Dr was concerned thankfully and called an ambulance, my service I work for and my husband was on that unit to take me to another urgent care that had a ct scan. When I looked up at the screen I saw something was wrong and knew in my heart it wasn't going to be good news. Sure enough, the dr called and said get me to the ER. So, my husband and his partner loaded me up and hauled butt to the ER where an MRI confirmed I had a rare cerebral venous sinus thrombosis blood clot on the right side of my brain.

I freaked out. NEVER did I expect this. I really lost it when I was admitted and taken to ICU. I've never been in ICU. I was on every monitor possible. After 2 days I was moved to the Stroke ICU and told the clot caused me to have a stroke!!! At 31!!! I was in the hospital 12 days. I found out that I've developed an autoimmune disease, a blood clotting disorder called lupus anticoagulant. That paired with all of the hormones created a hellish cocktail that caused the blood clot and my stroke. I am to forever be on blood thinners to treat this and prevent future strokes and heart attacks. I've also because of this developed an irregular heart beat and have to take meds for it too.

My hematologist for now is strictly against me getting pregnant, if I can. I have been twice years ago and lost them. He says with the lupus anticoagulant miscarriage risk is high and I'd have to switch to injectable blood thinners and also my risk would be very high since I've had a blood clot and a stroke. He said absolutely to NEVER take hormones again. Without them, I don't do anything on my own and as far as herbs, I have to be very careful because I'm on Coumadin.

I feel as if I've had my heart ripped out and I've been defeated. Does anyone have any ideas or input? My dh is against adoption and I'm not getting any younger. Not having a child is not something I want, and not having a child increases breast cancer risk and I've already got that against me with a very strong family history.

Thank you ladies. Without these boards, I'd really feel lost.
MrsCahill
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Re: Traumatized

Postby laomy » Mon Sep 08, 2014 7:24 am

wow I'm so so so sorry :( :( :(

I have no advice :( just wanted to respond.

If DH is not into adoption, what about surrogacy? I have no idea the timeline or the other costs and risks, or how one even finds a surrogate, but would you be able to take Femara again, and harvest eggs and sperm and use a surrogate?
Me and DH both 33 years old, TTC#1

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Re: Traumatized

Postby MrsCahill » Mon Sep 08, 2014 5:03 pm

Thank you for responding.

Surrogacy is so expensive. I don't know that femara would even help me I had to do high levels of follistim to get even a small egg to develop. All options are so costly and I'm in Ems and my dh is a firefighter/Ems. And my job is in jeopardy after the stroke I was taken off the truck and put in the office but that won't last forever.

Dh and I are leaving for vacation three weeks from today and it is so needed. Once we get back I meet with my hematologist again and maybe my re. I'm wondering if ovarian drilling could work for me. It's the only thing I see that doesn't require hormones. If I only have one child I'd consider it a blessing. My greatest fear is me and dh resenting one another eventually because of all this.

I just need some good news
MrsCahill
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Re: Traumatized

Postby MammaBear » Tue Sep 09, 2014 11:35 am

Wow, I also knew someone in their 30's who had a stroke (her birth control and smoking actually caused it). She recovered nicely. I am sorry your DH is against adoption. One of my best friends was adopted herself, and went on to adopt an adorable little boy. Another friend of mine from high school was blessed with being incredibly fertile. After having 4 children of her own, she actually became a surrogate for another family unable to carry a child themselves. She blessed them with two healthy twins. I know this whole thing is very fresh for you, but hoping maybe on of these other routes can lead you down the path to motherhood. Wishing you and your family lots of positive energy to get you through this.
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Re: Traumatized

Postby jess2245 » Wed Sep 10, 2014 8:52 am

Wow, I am so sorry to hear this! :( Finding out something like that must be so emotionally trying and I commend you for trying to look for the positive in your situation. Although I have no experience in your dx or advice on what to do, I figured to give you what I can for some advice.
Vitex is an herb. I know it helped me tremendously, brought my cycle back and helped me to ovulate on my own (I went 4 years w/o cycles and ovulating) Maybe this is something you can research if you haven't already. Also, I know there was mention of surrogacy. If this is something that would be of interest and an option for you and DH, really look into it. I have heard of women who have carried a baby for women who have had no luck or no possibility of conceiving and carrying their own due to a complication and did so with no monetary expectations, just emotional ones. If medical therapies (ie IVF, meds, etc) are an option, but the cost is unattainable, try looking into gofundme.com

I know its not much, but I hope you stay positive and achieve your dreams with DH.
Me (31) BF (37) DS (10) DS (5) DD (5)
MC 8/18/14 with us for 9w3d :(
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