by inthemetro » Tue Jun 07, 2016 1:31 am
Congratulations on so many milestones, Little Bits! First, happy six year anniversary--holy cow, that's a long time. How wonderful--and it's great Wriggles is arriving to such loving and stable parents. And happy 37th week tomorrow. You'll be at term, which means whenever Wriggles wants to arrive, everything should be all set (even if it may be a few more weeks until the big day). That is wonderful, and a milestone way worth celebrating. I hope the final nesting feels good and not too overwhelming, but I'm glad it was balanced with mocktails and resting outside.
Things are stable over here. I was super achey yesterday--I felt a lot of pelvic pressure that I hadn't felt before, so I immediately called the high risk clinic. They were reassuring and, after asking a bunch of questions about symptoms of preterm labor I thankfully don't have, assured me that it's just a side effect of pregnancy and normal. And I was comforted by the fact there weren't any contractions, bloody show, etc. etc. But still, I felt both a little crazy (how can I not be anxious about everything?) and also a little relieved (okay, at least preterm labor isn't on the docket). I have my glucose test on Thursday, so it'll be great to knock that problem off the list too.
I understand about not wanting to share names--we're not telling people, either. I think it makes sense to roll out after the birth. And plus, you guys can't even know the name--since you're waiting to know the gender, you have two options anyway. The last thing we need are more judgy people!
It's a weird place to be in, besides the anxiety and sadness about how baby girl's doing, it makes it just hard to talk about or even think about the future. Though I'm really grateful for how supportive and loving everyone's been. The bad responses have been few and far between. But if you'll forgive me one more ranting: another bad response, which harks back to the ttc-days, is about what's "natural" (and one really wince-worthy friend who said if we lose baby girl that it's "natural"!!). The whole "natural" construct drives me crazy. I mean, it's natural to die of blood loss, or preeclampsia, or strep throat...what total bullshit. Or as if that makes tragedy any less terrible, somehow, is beyond me.
I felt vaguely guilty--like I was jinxing something?--telling you her name, but I like your answer that she's already a person. It's tough to be in this precarious place. We've decided to temporarily put on hold more nesting (well, besides the items where we just need one and it's kind of neutral), which makes sense (we're moving to a new flat at the end of the month anyway) but because we don't want to buy things for two babies when one may not make it and we'd be haunted even more, but we also don't want to buy things for one as if we're not rooting and hopeful for baby girl. At least we have time: if I deliver anytime soon, it'd be weeks before they come home, ample time to pull the trigger on the double stroller, etc.
I mean, for the first trimester it was all precarious, but dealing with that was easy: we just told very few people. But I figured once I was well into the second tri, and particularly with a few very good looking ultrasounds, that things were safe. We're now in this very different zone, and it's tough to know what to do in part because it seems so unprecedented, at least among people I know. I realized that DH and I don't even know anyone who's had premies, let alone pregnancies where late in the second tri (and, potentially for us, into the third) one baby's outcome is really not clear. And it's a whole other dimension having a healthy twin and a twin in jeopardy.
And I'm also appreciating some things that are easier. I think before I was pregnant, and early on in the pregnancy, the many terrifying outcomes we're facing would have been far scarier about having one or more very small babies, facing serious NICU time and all its attendant risks, etc. I think it's the same way that having a baby with a disability was scarier. Now it's just clear: we're ready for these two no matter what, whoever they are, and I'm just rooting for them both to make it. If they're born incredibly early (and, in baby girl's case at least, extremely fragile), we'll do whatever we need to do and learn whatever we need to learn to be there for them.
She's been very active, thankfully, and I'm grateful for the comfort of that. I tell myself (again, maybe not in the most scientifically-proven way) that she's already come this far, and that's got to be a good sign. And I did a little bit of limited googling--"IUGR twin success stories" was a good idea--and am staying hopeful. We're lucky work-wise that it's easy to put everything on hold for the summer, and I'm grateful for the timing, so that if I have to be admitted in the near future logistically it's all very simple. Anyway, I hope your week is going okay, and that you are enjoying the same nice weather we have down here. Congrats again on making it to term--go Wriggles!
30 years old, TTC #1
PCOS, blood disorder
mc (March 2015)
7 cycles of clomid: bfn
first cycle injectables: bfp!


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