pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby inthemetro » Fri Jun 17, 2016 10:56 am

Thanks, Little Bits. My news: baby girl is holding steady, which was a huge relief. She's still growing, and no deterioration whatsoever in her blood flow. DH and I decided to wait until a week from today (when I'll be precisely 28 weeks) to be admitted. The doctor, while acknowledging the possibility that she could fail before then, thinks she's quite likely to make the week. And given how many things are in play, delivering until 28 weeks would be heartbreaking. But losing her would be incredibly heartbreaking. It's hard to know what to do, but the doctors think our choice is the reasonable one given the circumstances. DH and I had a long night going back and forth, and it's a choice that's very hard to feel good about either way. In any case, I think both of us have a lot of hope and faith that baby girl's a real fighter.

It's going to be a looong week. But for you: I'm so glad you made it to the end of your work year! Congratulations! And I wanted to say how I talked about you to a new friend from my NCT class who's a primary school teacher. She was planning on working until 38 weeks, but it's exhausting her so much she is starting her leave at 36. So I'm not the only one who's impressed! Do you have anything on the docket to celebrate? And I can't believe that very soon I'll get Wriggles baby spam and birth story news!
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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby Little_Bits » Sat Jun 18, 2016 3:03 am

Hey inthemetro,
I was so relieved to come home to your good news last night. I am so glad baby girl is holding steady and growing without any deterioration. Every day is another little miracle and I am sincerely hoping she can hold on through 30+ weeks. It's great to know the doctor also thinks she can make the week - she really is a wee little fighter! Without any "good" choices, you are making the best choice you can based on what you know and the doctors have told you. It's wonderful you got the chance to talk to a doctor who actually works with the premies and got their opinion as well (25 weekers! What little people!). I think you will also be just fine coping with a hospital stay. After all you did to get pregnant, a few weeks in a hospital to be monitored in order to help your baby seems like a very small price to pay. With internet and computers and books and movies, I'm sure you'll be able to keep yourself entertained. Will you need to be mostly in bed, or will you be able to get up and move about a bit? I know it depends on the kind of monitoring they are doing but I've read that sometimes it can be telemetry monitoring so you don't have to be attached to lots of things. I suppose you won't be getting the best rest ever, and the food won't be great, but again it's all a very small price to pay for the safety of your babies.

My last day of work was wonderful and full of celebration. The children threw me a disco and gave me all their adorable hand-made cards and hugs and sweet goodbyes. I think they were still disappointed I was leaving them this early, but I am relieved to get a bit of a break in case Wriggles arrives early. My colleagues were also fantastic and gave me flowers and cards and lots of heartfelt wishes. I'm going to really enjoying sleeping in on Monday morning!

So 4 babies have already been born from my NCT class (out of 8!!) and one of the ladies was due the day after me so that makes this so much more real. All of their birth stories have been a bit terrifying but I am trying to keep myself positive and I know all I can do is hope for the best and prepare for the worst. I think all my nesting is nearly done, I've got a little bit of painting left to do for the pictures I'm making for the nursery and I might organize my office one more time. Otherwise there isn't much else to do but rest like every mom has been telling me to do. It's hard to rest though when I'm always uncomfortable sitting! Laying down is nice, but isn't helping Wriggles engage.

My parents arrive Tuesday which I am also looking forward to. The countdown is really on now, as I know in about 3 weeks I will meet Wriggles! It makes the kicks and rolls even more special and (weirdly?) I am going to really miss being pregnant. It is such a privilege to be able to carry this sweet little one, growing them and nurturing him/her for months. I am looking forward to a bit of wine, however, and maybe a little champagne too for celebration!

Anyway, sorry for the long post. It's nice to have a little time to actually respond to you instead of reading and dashing. I'll keep checking in to see how you're doing and I'm still sending lots of positive thoughts!
Me: 28, mild PCOS, history of large cysts that rupture, stage 1 endometriosis resulting in severe abdominal pain, lap to remove endo and adhesions (4/28), HSG shows clear tubes.
Clomid 50mg (6/15) - no response
Clomid 100mg (8/15) - scan shows ONE follicle!!
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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby inthemetro » Mon Jun 20, 2016 7:27 am

Congratulations on having made it to mat leave, Little Bits! And how wonderful that your students and colleagues celebrated you in high style. A disco is adorable, as are flowers and cards. How lovely that everyone rallied to support you, and the new job and the pregnancy ended up working together really well. I'm also glad you both made it so long into your pregnancy working, but also that you get at least some pre-Wriggles time to relax.

How wonderful too that nesting is done and you're just ready for your parents. How long are they staying? It'll be great to have them there to meet Wriggles. And it sounds like your DH's family isn't too far away and can also come to celebrate the birth. How wonderful, and how exciting. My parents are planning on a visit, and we've told them to stick with late September. It's tough to know about the timing, but I think while we are in the hospital it'll be less ideal for them. I'm not sure they can help us out so much, and visiting hours in the NICU for non-parents is really restricted. I want them to get to bond with the babies, and that will be 1000x easier at home (and also when we'll need the help).

How amazing/scary that your NCT class is already mostly parents! Ironically enough given that everyone in my NCT class has due dates way earlier than mine I'll be the first admitted to the hospital (and likely the first to give birth, though that's not entirely clear--it's possible I'll have some company at the hospital). Though I understand about the scariness of bad stories. It seems like everyone has a bad labor story they want to share! I understand the trauma of it, but also how that'd be terrifying to hear. On the plus side (and for whatever it's worth, though I'm sure you won't need one), since I've been telling more people about the complications in my pregnancy I keep hearing about great, happy c-section stories (good doctors, easy recoveries, etc.). Which is nice, given that I think some of the discourse from the pro-natural birth people can make sections seem like the worst/most painful/most dehumanizing thing, and it seems like for a lot of women that's really not the case.

We'll still have a mad scramble to get things ready for the babies, but at least we'll have time. More to the point is we're both on pins and needles getting through the week, and every time I feel her kick or shift around feels like a major victory. I wish it were already 28 weeks, but I'm hoping time speeds up and Friday comes quickly--I check into the hospital Friday at 9 am and get scanned right away, so at least once I wake up Friday morning it'll be really quick. I'm definitely not at all worried about a long hospital stay--that'd be the perfect ending. I still won't be on bedrest, which is a relief (there's a risk of blood clots and it won't help baby girl). I don't know exactly how monitoring works--the only part I've been having done already are the scans with Dopplers, which I'll have 5x/week or so, and those are only 15-20 min each--though I'll be doing another kind of fetal monitoring (something that monitors distress rather than growth/blood flow) before every meal.

I hear you on being happy to be pregnant. I'm glad you're still so comfortable and just enjoying this time with Wriggles. Besides all the practical reasons I'd like to stay pregnant (it's better for them, and it's so unequivocally better for baby boy), I'd love to stay pregnant for emotional reasons, too. I really love it, having them close and enjoying the experience of it, though obviously that's so changed by how risk everything's been. Everyone asks me how I'm feeling physically, and the answer is really that I've been fine, though that's awful: I wish I was the one struggling instead of my little girl.

But I hope you're enjoying the rest and relaxation before Wriggles' arrival, and I can't to hear all about these next steps--from the birth to meeting Wriggles to those wild first few days. As it turns out it looks like our little ones will be even closer in age than we thought. Good luck savoring the last days of pregnancy (I feel the same)!
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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby Little_Bits » Thu Jun 23, 2016 8:21 am

Hey inthemetro,
I'm glad that it is almost Friday for you, and I am hoping that no news = good news on your side. I hope you've been getting lots of good kicks and pokes and jabs to reassure you that baby girl is there and fighting. How has your week been? Not too slow I hope!

Mat leave has been really nice, partially tiring, partially relaxing. Yesterday we mass shopped at Costco and put together 10 crock-pot freezer meals that I know I'll be grateful for later. Today we finished up the nursery and hung the last of the pictures and paintings up and weeded the garden while my dad mowed the lawn. Then we enjoyed the sunshine and did a bit of reading while the sun was peeking its head out. With no signs that Wriggles is on his/her way, I'm going into town this evening to join my colleagues at the staff party for at least a little while. Without work to keep my mind busy, it really does just feel like a countdown. I know by a certain time they'll make my baby come out but I'm hoping to avoid induction and would love to go into labor naturally (okay, who wouldn't?). The mums on my NCT chat seem completely exhausted and overwhelmed about feeding at the moment so I am trying to appreciate even more each quiet moment and each (broken) night sleep.

I hope everything goes smoothly when you check into the hospital and that it will put you at least partially at ease to have such close monitoring and medical advice at your fingertips. It's great you won't be stuck in a bed but instead will be able to get up and move and exercise a bit (and by that I really just mean walking and stretching!). Now that I'm off work I have to remember to keep moving each day and not just turn into a sloth. Gravity will encourage Wriggles out... I hope!
Me: 28, mild PCOS, history of large cysts that rupture, stage 1 endometriosis resulting in severe abdominal pain, lap to remove endo and adhesions (4/28), HSG shows clear tubes.
Clomid 50mg (6/15) - no response
Clomid 100mg (8/15) - scan shows ONE follicle!!
DH: 34, perfect in every way
TTC since August 2014
First ever BFP October 22!! :bfp:
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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby inthemetro » Fri Jun 24, 2016 8:19 am

My update is overall a very good one, after a very anxious week. I tried to stay busy and distracted, but with varying degrees of successs--everytime I couldn't feel baby girl I was totally panicking (e.g. Wednesday night, for whatever reason both babies were quiet and I was a mess, but then for whatever reason Thursday they were like little baby frogs, hopping and kicking away). We had the growth scan and Dopplers this morning, and baby girl is stable. Her blood flow is the same as last time, which is good news. After checking all her major arteries, the doctors convened and decided she was strong enough to send me home. They were so confident that I won't deliver in the near future that they also held off on giving me steroids. (Steroids are a big deal for preterm babies, because they help develop their lungs (lungs are the last organs to develop in a fetus), but the timing is tricky--you can't give them immediately before an emergency delivery or they won't work, and they're also not that useful if you give them too early.) Also good news: baby boy is still looking perfect, and is over three pounds now.

Less good news: baby girl hasn't grown much. This was not unexpected--her blood flow restriction is severe enough where she was expected to drop off her curve, but the doctors are more concerned about making sure she has enough blood flow to keep developing and making sure she doesn't become compromised developmentally. She will be teensy when she's born (I didn't ask, but it seems really unclear she'll make 2 pounds), but at least for the NICU that's not as scary as it is for me. Because premies' outcomes are more about gestational age than weight, she still benefits from getting as much time inside as she can (and, needless to say, her healthy brother benefits the longer we can hold off on delivery). Even if she were a singleton, the best plan for her is to wait, but it does bump up the outer limit of how long they can stay inside before being born (the doctor said we'd be looking at 32 weeks max, even if her blood flow stays completely stable). Apparently I'm now at a higher risk of preeclampsia, which explains why every time I turn around someone's taking my blood pressure, though luckily I haven't shown any signs of trouble yet, but the further we got the riskier that gets. Right now they think she'll hold out until 29 weeks, but they can't predict beyond that.

For me, it was a major relief. First and most importantly, that waiting until 28 weeks didn't mean losing our baby girl. Everything looks different now--even if they were born at 28 weeks (and they obviously won't be), instead of being "extremely premature" they have already graduated to "very premature," and their outcomes look much, much better. They are not only much more likely to survive, but they will be overwhelmingly likely to survive without long term disability, something that wouldn't have been the case only a few weeks ago. And I feel a lot of guilt lifted that we're no longer in the realm of choosing between their interests. We've already decided that we want to intervene to save her, and it makes everything feel a lot less loaded (and less treacherous).

It's both great not being the hospital yet (my own bed! DH! Tasty food!) but also a little weird--I'm a little disappointed not to get monitored constantly. I am confident, at least--if the doctors had thought there was a real chance we'd lose her in the interim, they wouldn't have sent me home. As is, I was told to come back for my next appointment on Tuesday with my suitcase and be prepared to be admitted

I'm really glad your leave is going so well. The mass shopping and the relaxation make a ton of sense. Good luck on the freezer meals (I'm really impressed!), and I hope you can get a bit of rest. I hear you about the calm before the storm, and soon enough there'll be so many things to occupy you. There is that beautiful calm of pregnancy, with the baby snug inside and no fussing needed. How is hanging out with your parents? Is your DH super excited or nervous or both?

Meanwhile, I hope you're weathering the terrible political news okay. For DH and I the blow of Brexit was a bit muted because we woke up so concerned about baby girl, and then relieved to have gotten good news. But I hope you're feeling nested and loved with your family in these last days before Wriggles comes. Also, for the record, I'm confident Wriggles will come before needing to be induced--s/he still has enough time to make an appearance!
30 years old, TTC #1

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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby Little_Bits » Sun Jun 26, 2016 2:29 am

I was so overjoyed at reading your positive news! It's terrific that the doctors were so confident in baby girl that you are able to go back home and enjoy all the comforts there for at least a little while longer. I'm glad baby boy is still growing (wow three pounds already!) but I'm sorry to hear baby girl is quite small. As you keep saying, however, it's less about size and more about gestational age, and now you're past the 28 week mark which is great news. Especially with the babies graduating to just "very premature" and the chances of long term consequences decreasing, every day is an extra bit of help. What a weight off your shoulders it must be not to have to make a choice between your two children! So you'll be back in the hospital on Tuesday, hopefully ready to be monitored. I am crossing all my fingers and toes that you do make it to 32 weeks to give the babies the best chance possible.

On my side I had a midwife appointment on Friday and Wriggles STILL isn't engaged. The midwife encouraged me to walk, bounce on a ball, and spend time on my hands and knees to get the baby into the right position to drop into my pelvis. Otherwise she said everything is fine, and that I sure didn't have a small baby in there. With just a few more days until my due date I'm getting anxious. I don't mind still being pregnant (although I gained FIVE POUNDS last week. FIVE!! I haven't changed how I'm eating at all!!) I just really, truly do not want to be induced with my hope for a natural, hypnobirthing experience. I know in the end all that matters is a healthy baby but I want the baby to come when it's ready, not because the doctors want it out. I've got another appointment Wednesday before my midwife takes a 2 week holiday and I get passed onto someone else for monitoring. All the midwives I've met have been lovely, so I'm not worried but I hope I get one who is as open to my opinions as my current one. I've said I don't want a sweep (they're not very effective and not comfortable either), and my midwife was more than happy about that.

It's been nice enough to have my parents here, but they are really just sitting around and waiting... waiting... waiting... for me to have the baby. I almost wish they had come at the end of July when the baby would definitely be here so I could just enjoy and relax on my own. It's not that I don't like having family here, but they aren't interested in sight-seeing and they don't have much to do. It makes me feel a bit pressured, even though there is nothing I can do on my side to encourage the baby out.

Friday was not a great day for me with the Brexit vote, I spent a lot of time crying and curled up on my bed worried about my ability to stay in the country. I'm on an EEA family permit which relies on the UK being part of the EU. I guess my only consolation is that nothing will be changed for at least 2 years and I can reapply under the UK immigration route, but it is a lot less stable and a lot more expensive. At least Scotland voted to remain by a huge margin (especially Edinburgh!) so I am supported and surrounded by people that don't want me to leave. Sigh, not the best time to be bringing a baby into the UK, but it's too late for that.

I hope your weekend has been restful but full of baby kicks! Let me know how Tuesday goes, and I'll be thinking of you.
Me: 28, mild PCOS, history of large cysts that rupture, stage 1 endometriosis resulting in severe abdominal pain, lap to remove endo and adhesions (4/28), HSG shows clear tubes.
Clomid 50mg (6/15) - no response
Clomid 100mg (8/15) - scan shows ONE follicle!!
DH: 34, perfect in every way
TTC since August 2014
First ever BFP October 22!! :bfp:
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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby inthemetro » Tue Jun 28, 2016 7:39 am

Congrats on making it to Wriggles' due date, Little Bits! I hope Wriggles engages and gets fully into position stat (or maybe already has?). And good luck with walking around and ball bouncing--my fingers are crossed. For whatever it's worth, it seems like almost all babies in my family after the due date and yet didn't need to be induced and were absolutely fine. I think I was born a week late, but I was big (8 pounds 7 ounces) and completely healthy and a vaginal birth and there were no problems whatsoever. So, just to give you both good karma and a few good stories during what must be a stressful period of waiting.

As for us: we had our scan this morning and I was admitted, but it's not clear baby girl's actually doing worse. I'm starting to see how some of these blood flow measurements are more art than science. For the big measurements that matter the most in timing delivery (particularly to her brain, heart, liver, etc.) everything held steady from last time: there's some resistance, but there was before, and it hasn't gotten worse. In her umbilical cord, there were parts that actually had positive what they call end diastolic flow (shockingly good news to DH and my admittedly non-specialist ears--we thought it had been entirely absent since 24.5 weeks), but the part nearest to the baby showed some signs of reversing (which is very bad--when it completely reverses we need to deliver immediately). On the other hand, the doctor doing it this time (who we hadn't seen before--maybe that accounted for the differences?) said that usually you just measure from the bottom (toward the placenta), where the flow was pretty good. I give all this detail to show that basically it seemed unclear. So the doctor went off to convene with the consultants, and they decided to admit me and err on the side of caution, though it's not totally clear that baby girl got worse. The plan remains the same: there's no set delivery date, and at this level of gestation (earlier than 32 weeks) they'll time delivery just off of blood flow (not growth), so they'll aim to hold off on delivering for a few weeks if it's possible.

They also gave me the first steroid shot (I'll get the second tomorrow), which will help prepare the babies if we do need to deliver very soon. So far it's hard to predict much, but I'm hopeful about tomorrow's scan. I'm also in a funny place, which is that I'm admitted but just for monitoring, but am otherwise completely fine--luckily I've shown no signs of pre-E, preterm labor, etc., so it's just monitoring a couple times a day and a scan daily (at least for the time being). Though those little heart monitors were tougher than they look--they try to basically belt on monitors to check each baby, but the babies were kicking so much they kept throwing them out of place, which I'm sure was annoying for the midwife (it took forever) but was, at least, kind of cute (and it's comforting how they seem to get more and more active).

Anyway, on a very superficial note, I'm happy to note that I'm completely comfortably installed in a private room--I definitely got lucky. Internet's great, and it's comfortable for DH to hang out here with me, so if we're in for the long hall it's really quite nice. It's funny--I think I've been somewhat insulated from the horror of the Brexit news by the fact that we've just been so terrified about baby girl that these huge terrible political decisions seem a bit ancillary. But I can't imagine what it was like seeing the results roll in both without an imminent personal crisis and from Scotland, where virtually no one voted to leave (though I suppose the numbers were relatively similar in Oxford--we're in one of the biggest remain bastions in all of England, which was comforting). I'm really sorry to hear your own immigration status is in jeopardy--I hadn't realized, and that's awful. Ours is too--both DH and I have European but not British passports, and no one knows what it'll do to my work status. As you said, at least nothing will change for years, and it seems like at least some people are talking about grandfathering in Europeans who were employed before the referendum, but I worry that the new regime will be so hardcore and xenophobic things could get bad. It's hard to know, but here's hoping we end up in stable positions. In any case, the attitudes reflected by the vote--ignorance, xenophobia, and worse--are terrifying.

In the meantime I hope the Wriggles countdown continues at least in comfort. I'm sorry to hear you feel guilty for the waiting, but people should be waiting on you! I'm sorry you can't get a bit more pampered at the end of the pregnancy, and I'm sorry for the suspense. And I really hope you get to avoid an induction--Wriggles has at least a week, right? I hope for opposite results for both of us: I hope you get to give birth super quickly and I get to hold out for weeks!
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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby Little_Bits » Thu Jun 30, 2016 2:06 am

Hey inthemetro! I'm glad to hear that so far things are holding steady, and that you are now safely installed in the hospital where they can better monitor you. It's great that you are in a private room with internet and that you are comfortable for however many weeks you'll need to be there. How wonderful that you got some type of positive news! How did your scan go yesterday? Do the sterioid shots affect you at all? I think it's adorable that your kiddos were so annoyed by the monitors that they kicked them off, what a great sign of their strength and life!

On my side, I am still very pregnant. First and foremost I am reminding myself that when I calculated my due date off of my ovulation date that it was actually June 30th (today), and that both me and my brother were late (10 days for my brother, 8 for me). It's really that I don't have much to do because I was nesting so much before I went on maternity leave just in case. Everyone keeps telling me this is my first lesson in patience and to just enjoy the time. I smile and nod and don't tell them my first lesson in patience was trying to get pregnant and now it's not that I'm impatient, just excited to meet my little one. But when you aren't working and the house is clean and clothes are washed and naps being taken, there is only so much bouncing/walking/hynobirthing you can do each day. Plus I'm on the lookout for all the signs of labour and every twinge makes me wonder if it's coming. I'm also interested to see if hypnobirthing will work for me. Like all women, I'd like a straight-forward vaginal delivery but it seems not a single person I know has gotten that. I'm not sure why - is it the woman? The medical situation? The baby? The birthing centre? Only time will tell for me! I saw the midwife again yesterday and I'm 4/5ths engaged!! That means only 1/5 of the baby's head is engaged, and the other 4/5ths is free, but it's better than nothing. So I'll do more bouncing and hope to get the baby in even more. It's all pointing further towards Wriggle's arrival which is great for me and my DH. He's struggling to focus at work because at any moment I could go into labour and he'd have to stop. He can't do any long term projects or commit to anything and his attention span is pretty minimal as he keeps coming in to check on me. It sure sounds like I'm whining (I'm not!) and I know that I'll get to meet my little one so soon and I am so grateful that s/he has gotten so much time to cook. I promise to keep you updated when things start to happen!

I am also hoping for opposite results and am crossing my fingers you'll make it to 32 weeks and I'll have this baby sooner rather than later. Is there any chance they'll let you stay pregnant past 32 weeks if baby girl is looking okay? Or is that the upper limit for them? I hope you are finding things to keep yourself busy and are now settled into a nice routine!
Me: 28, mild PCOS, history of large cysts that rupture, stage 1 endometriosis resulting in severe abdominal pain, lap to remove endo and adhesions (4/28), HSG shows clear tubes.
Clomid 50mg (6/15) - no response
Clomid 100mg (8/15) - scan shows ONE follicle!!
DH: 34, perfect in every way
TTC since August 2014
First ever BFP October 22!! :bfp:
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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby inthemetro » Thu Jun 30, 2016 12:39 pm

I'm sorry to hear you're still so pregnant. I forget the exact number, but at our NCT class they told us the number of babies born on their actual due date, and it was shockingly low (5%?). So it's just to say, it doesn't make the waiting any easier, but you should know you are far from alone. And the dating really is an inexact science, particularly given that you had a few days difference based on your o date. And in the meantime, it's great that Wriggles is starting to get engaged--I think it's a sign s/he is going at his/her own good time. Come on, Wriggles, we all want to meet you!

I hate the comments you're getting, though, about this being a lesson in patience. Ugh. What a lack of empathy, and what a sign they really don't know you! I hear you--the infertility struggle really shaped us, and people can't get that. I hope you can get the birth you want. At the very least, I hope you end up with medical care that respects you and your wishes and at least explains if/why things need to deviate. But I'm glad at least you've got a family history of babies past their due date and plenty of good outcomes from it--but I'm rooting for Wriggles to decide it's time very soon.

On the one hand, I'm a little freaked out about a c-section. On the other, I tell myself that at least it'll all be out of my hands--I mean, there'll be a cast of thousands there to take care of everything. I hope, though, I can get to see the babies before they head off to the NICU. DH can definitely watch them (and touch them assuming things aren't too much of an emergency), but I'll be getting stitched up and if the babies need help getting stabilized right away (which is likely), I may not get to see them for a while. (Though if one or both of them isn't in such an emergency situation, they can lift up the baby to at least show me first.) Even though I understand it rationally--the babies' health needs to come first, obviously, and the midwife and DH and others can explain what's happening--to go from having them inside me to not even be able to see them before they get whisked away terrifies me.

But for now, things are looking up. The steroids are administered to develop the babies' lungs, but they have an added benefit of helping growth restricted babies' blood flows. So baby girl is definitely looking better: she has positive flow in her umbilical cord (yay!), no sign of anything reversed, and generally looks better. The doctors warned that this effect is temporary, but it should buy her more time, and that's a good thing. We're even hoping it'll help her get a last growth spurt in, but that's hard to know (we're only doing growth scans every two weeks or so, basically because at this point it's not a factor in deciding whether or not to deliver). The timeline is still more or less the same: the doctors expect she should have a week or so, but they'd be happy to let her go further if her blood flow holds steady (she doesn't need to grow; they think at this early gestation she'll benefit as long as she has the blood flow to allow her to develop). I asked about going beyond 32 weeks, and the answer seems to be no. The doctors warned there's a very low chance she'll hold steady until that point, but even if she did, they would figure the risks would outweigh the benefits. It's enough of a struggle for her to be undernourished, and I think they figure that once she hits 32 weeks she'll be developed enough to have gotten as much benefit as she's going to get out of a compromised uterine environment. Plus by 32 weeks things will look fantastic for baby boy. I got the sense that 32 weeks is such a milestone that the threshold for delivery just gets much lower, and given all that baby girl's facing, she'd do better on the outside where she can finally get fully nourished.

For now I'm happy to have (very nearly!) made it to 29 weeks. The steroids should be in full effect tomorrow, which means whenever I deliver the babies would get their benefit. The steroids' only effect on me was to leave me kind of wired both days--it was like I had had a lot of coffee. In the meantime, I continue to be fine except they figured out I'm anemic (I should have had more smoothies!). At least it's not a problem for the babies--it's only a concern in that it could make delivery and its aftermath more complicated. Normally they'd just prescribe iron tablets by mouth, but they're worried that I won't have enough time to get my iron up that way if I have to deliver very soon, so tonight or tomorrow I have to get an iron drip (yuck--needles). Still, very small in the long run, and I'm grateful not to have a condition that could jeopardize the babies (pre-E, diabetes, etc.).

You should pat yourself on the back for being so ready! I've had to just let go of how little we have ready--it was a mad dash, and DH has to take care of a lot of the more last minute things (setting up bassinets and really starting the new nursery in the new flat). To be fair, it's all small stuff--the babies won't come home right away anyway, and even if baby boy comes home quickly, I have to remind myself that if the six month clothes aren't yet washed and all the things in the nursery aren't decorated, he certainly won't care. Whew.

But I hope you're at least getting some decadent things as you're waiting--Netflix? A fancy meal? I'm not sure how based in fact it is, but they say spicy food and foot massages can help bring labor. At least if you're like me, I'd go for it (I'm biased because I love spicy food and foot massages). Though I'm sorry your DH is tense--I can imagine how it must be for him too, waiting on labor. My DH is all nervous--he has a conference this weekend. It's nearby (it's as close to the hospital as home is--it's under 10 minutes away) but he's set his phone so even on silent it vibrates and he's reachable all the time and he's all nervous, too. It's the stress of not knowing what's going to happen! But I hope to hear exciting news soon, and in the meantime, feel completely free to commiserate. Come on, Wriggles!
30 years old, TTC #1

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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby Little_Bits » Mon Jul 04, 2016 6:24 am

So with nothing to do but sit around, complain and feel sorry for myself, I didn't think it fair to force you to listen! However the itching has now reached a higher degree and it is no longer just my tummy but on my arms, legs, palms of my hands and feet. The midwife is doing a liver function test to check that everything is still working. I had an appointment today and baby is 3/5 engaged (getting closer!) but she wasn't able to do the "sweep" as my cervix was too high and still closed. Bugger. I'm booked in tomorrow for more blood test and Thursday for another attempt at a sweep. If nothing comes from that, then I have a pre-induction scan booked Friday and my induction on Sunday. It's both a relief (at least there's a plan!) and terrifying (I really REALLY don't want to be induced). Everything I've read says that induction is more painful, much more painful, than natural birth which might make it near impossible to only rely on hypnobirthing to get through it all. I will also have to go to Labour&Deliver (instead of the midwife led unit) as I'll need to be monitored. I know I just want a healthy baby in the end, but I feel so disappointed. My hormones are running high this week and I have been in near tears since yesterday for no apparent reason.

I'm so glad to hear all of your good news, and I'm hoping that both of your babies are hanging on in there and that radio silence = good news. I know what you mean about how strange it will be to have your little ones inside you, then suddenly gone. Right now they are part of you, their heart beats inside you. How empty it must be for them to be not just out of your tummy but immediately out of the room! Even if it is best for the babies, it doesn't make it any easier for you. Every day you have those babies inside you helps them so much! And you're halfway to 30 weeks! Well done!

I am trying to plan something nice for each day, so today we are going to a movie and a burger place with shakes (peanut butter and chocolate! yum!) for the 4th of July. I've got yoga tomorrow and I'm thinking of booking high tea for Wednesday. I'll play it by ear for Thursday/Friday and then this weekend, with the induction looming. I am trying everything possible (pineapple, curry, walking, bouncing, sex, nipple stimulation - you name it, I've done it) but Wriggles is really not ready to arrive. If I wasn't so incredibly itchy (I wake up scratching everything!!) I might be a little less anxious. The fact that my parents' time here is counting down and I'm just more and more pregnant with no baby in sight isn't helping either. Sigh, I'm sorry for all the winging, I know I should feel so lucky that Wriggles is okay and is creeping towards his/her arrival and just take advantage of this time left. All easier said than done. I suppose none of it is actually "easy" is it? A girl from my pregnant yoga class text me to tell me she had her baby and everything went exactly to plan - her due date was 2 weeks before mine! Things like that just frustrate me, but then I remember she probably got pregnant without a second thought, so I shouldn't be surprised that her baby arrived in the same way. It would have been nice if something was easy for us, right?

Again, sorry for the negative post. I hope everything is holding steady on your end and I promise to update you as things continue!
Me: 28, mild PCOS, history of large cysts that rupture, stage 1 endometriosis resulting in severe abdominal pain, lap to remove endo and adhesions (4/28), HSG shows clear tubes.
Clomid 50mg (6/15) - no response
Clomid 100mg (8/15) - scan shows ONE follicle!!
DH: 34, perfect in every way
TTC since August 2014
First ever BFP October 22!! :bfp:
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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby inthemetro » Tue Jul 05, 2016 8:43 am

Aww, Little_Bits, I'm always happy to hear from you, but I'm sorry to hear you're still waiting around. (Though I'm always happy to listen! Honestly I feel like whining most of the time myself, and solidarity is always a nice thing in times like these. The unevenness doesn't preempt solidarity). How frustrating that it's not moving as fast as it should, and I can only imagine what it's like to see everyone from the NCT class deliver early. Also, I hear you about the jealousy that it's going well for everyone else. I listened in amazement as one woman from my NCT class blithely talked about how she got pregnant so fast it caught her by surprise. And I definitely feel self-pity that I couldn't just have the easy pregnancy everyone else seems to have, where they complain about swelling or back pain and not worry about their baby being horribly premature. It's the not knowing when and how that's the worst, isn't it? How long are your parents here for--is there a chance they'll have to leave before Wriggles' arrival?

But at least there's a silver lining: I'm glad Wriggles is getting progressively more engaged. That's the right path, right? And my understanding at least is that it's always hard to predict a timeline. And, at least, a pre-induction scan is okay--one more look at Wriggles can't hurt. But I'm really hoping s/he gets moving, in response to how hard you're hoping for it. It's also tough to keep having one more thing to worry about, instead of just being able to relax into this final stage of pregnancy!

Also, I'm sorry to hear about the itching. My sister-in-law had cholestasis (or however it's spelled)--everything turned out fine with her and her kids were born big and healthy. She said basically everyone who has it is incredibly annoyed (the itching drove her crazy) but generally otherwise unharmed. But it's good you're getting checked out just so that they can keep an in eye on it.

One small technical question: is there anyway to have it a bit both ways, even if you need to be induced, with something like they have here? Over here the top floor of the maternity building at the hospital is a midwife-led birthing centre, but it's still in the same building as everything else (doctors, operating theatre, NICU, etc.). The nice thing about it is it means that if there are problems the transfer time to the regular delivery suite is 3.5 minutes (it also means you can change your mind about things like epidurals very easily). Is there any way you could compromise on a midwife-led centre within a hospital, or is that not possible in Edinburgh? Anyway, I really hope you don't need to get induced, but I figured I'd throw that out there (living at the hospital and hanging with the midwives--who at least here rotate all around--you learn a lot!).

On my end, things are stable. I had one scary monitoring on Sunday when baby girl's numbers dipped. It turned out I was lying too flat on my back for the monitoring (not a great thing for her blood flow, apparently), and also she had taken a nap. The midwife was incredibly nice and when she saw the numbers were bad sat with me for a while and walked me through a lot of labor techniques. I mean, the contraction stuff wasn't relevant (I'm not having those), but the careful breathing and the positive thinking were definitely helpful to me. It may be that she just improved because I moved to a sitting position and I drank ice water to wake her up, but by the end of the session her numbers had improved. They monitored me again late at night to make sure, and sure enough baby girl held her own.

Hospital life is pretty comfortable--the midwives and doctors are incredible, I know the babies are in good hands, and everyone's really kind. I've had a lot of visitors, which is really nice, and everyone's flexible (I can kind of wander around and the midwives have my cell phone in case they need me for something or I need to come back for a sudden scan). I definitely get the sense that the midwives understand it's a rough situation, and they just want to make things easier. My major objection is the fear of it--man was I terrified after that bad monitoring, and it's brutal not knowing how long baby girl can hold out. Well, besides the small stuff (the food! If you end up giving birth in a hospital, I can't recommend bringing your own snacks enough--thankfully there's an M&S cafe and DH to bring me things), mostly the bureaucratic/institutionalized elements haven't been too bad. One exception: they give all pre-natal patients a blood thinning injection (it prevents blood clots, and the idea is you're not moving around as much as you do at home so you're more at risk for them). But it's made me crazy because if you deliver within 12 hours of the injection, it needs to be under general anesthesia, which is my absolute nightmare (it's more dangerous for me and the babies, and I want to at least be conscious when they're born!). The midwives for some reason have kept giving me the injection at 11:30 at night, which leaves me terrified that my morning scan (at 8:30 am) will bring bad news and I'll have to be unconscious for the section. I finally talked to a doctor who said there's no reason at all I can't have the injection at 6 pm (after the last scan of the day, but enough time so that even if I had to have an emergency section the next morning I could be awake for it). The whole thing made me a little angry (why couldn't I just have had it at 6 pm to begin with?), but was also comforting that there's a solution.

Today baby girl's blood flow was basically steady but she's lost her steroid boost, as expected--it's intermittedly absent. Her blood flow is steady but the doctors think that she's likely to need to be delivered late this week or early next week at the outside, but they do say that she's defied the odds so far, so she could continue to do so. Today she also aced her monitoring, so we're hopeful--and I'm really hopeful she can at least hold out until Friday (30 weeks!). She really is a fighter. And, in the meantime, baby boy just keeps looking perfect--apparently his monitoring is so successful the doctors marveled that his neurological activity is more indicative of a more advanced age. So I'm hoping it's a sign that he's as primed as he can be for needing to be born too soon, something I feel guilty about.

I hope you enjoyed the 4th--burgers and milkshakes sounds perfect. DH came and visited and brought Lebanese food (yum) and we watched Netflix, which was really nice. But I hope there is news soon on your end!
30 years old, TTC #1

PCOS, blood disorder
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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby inthemetro » Wed Jul 06, 2016 11:21 pm

Very quick update, Little Bits (longer one later if possible): today *might* be the day. Yesterday baby girl's blood flow had begun to deteriorate--her absent flow hadn't reversed, but the doctor saw signs we're heading toward that. Usually it reverses before really bad, need to deliver things happen--but not always, and they don't know a timeframe. So the consultants convened and decided that depending on the results of the ultrasound today, they might deliver. If not today, it'll undoubtedly be soon, but I'm nervous beyond belief as we wait for the scan. I'm hoping for at least tomorrow so we make the big 30 weeks, but I know that being 29 weeks, 6 days there's not a big difference. And I'm just nervous that the babies are okay--our teensy little girl who's already struggled so much, and our big healthy boy who's about to experience a the trauma of a birth that's far earlier than it should be.

I hope you're doing well, and I'm thinking about you and Wriggles and hoping for updates over any digital form.
30 years old, TTC #1

PCOS, blood disorder
mc (March 2015)
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first cycle injectables: bfp!

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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby inthemetro » Thu Jul 07, 2016 12:26 am

Follow up: no delivery today! Whew. Much relieved, and more later!
30 years old, TTC #1

PCOS, blood disorder
mc (March 2015)
7 cycles of clomid: bfn
first cycle injectables: bfp!

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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby Little_Bits » Thu Jul 07, 2016 1:30 am

Sorry for the late response- Wriggles was born July
6th about 6:15pm and it's a girl! I'll send you an email when I'm back home with all the details, but we ended up with an emergency c-section after 28 hours of labour due to erratic heartbeat. We are so so happy to have our sweet baby with us - Eleanor Rose :) I'm glad your baby girl is still holding on, and I'll send you another message soon!
Me: 28, mild PCOS, history of large cysts that rupture, stage 1 endometriosis resulting in severe abdominal pain, lap to remove endo and adhesions (4/28), HSG shows clear tubes.
Clomid 50mg (6/15) - no response
Clomid 100mg (8/15) - scan shows ONE follicle!!
DH: 34, perfect in every way
TTC since August 2014
First ever BFP October 22!! :bfp:
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Re: pcos - TTC #1 - irregular cycle

Postby inthemetro » Thu Jul 07, 2016 8:17 am

CONGRATULATIONS!! Little Bits, I couldn't be more thrilled for you. And a girl! Eleanor Rose is a beautiful name, and I can't wait to see photos of the beautiful baby herself. To think that we ended up here, with you holding a beautiful newborn baby girl, after where we started is still kind of surreal to me. I'm so, so happy, even if the birth wasn't what you had wanted, I hope the endpoint is that you and baby Eleanor are healthy. I hope you're recovering while you enjoy the first few days of motherhood.
30 years old, TTC #1

PCOS, blood disorder
mc (March 2015)
7 cycles of clomid: bfn
first cycle injectables: bfp!

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