can't bring myself to take a pregnancy test

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can't bring myself to take a pregnancy test

Postby missymoo3 » Sun Jul 15, 2012 12:28 pm

wierd eh, but I can't.

Last month (the first after miscarriage) I ovulated day 18 and got my period only 7 days after that. Not great. This month, again I ovulated day 18 and am now 13 dpo. No sign of period, but don't feel anything else either.

Took a pregnancy test 2 days ago (ie 11 dpo) and got a glaring bfn, not even a glimmer of an evap, as white as white could be!

Can't bring myself to take another test. If bfn, will be gutted, if bfp, will go straight into excitement, and then will crash if miscarry. So just going to wait a week or so, and maybe it will become obvious.

I suppose after 2 miscarriages in a row, and now at only a few months away from being 42, I know my llkelihood of miscarriage is as high as having a successful pregnancy, and so if I am lucky enough to be pregnant again, I want to just try and forget about it so am not too gutted if anything goes wrong.

At moment though, would rather just keep alive that possibility that I am pregnant than face a bfn. Not even told my other half that I think it's possible.

Anyone else get this, or am I being a bit wierd?
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Postby earthweave » Sun Jul 15, 2012 2:23 pm

Hello Missymoo,
Yes I TOTALLY get it! I keep that little glimmer of hope going for as long as I can each month and several times haven't bothered to test at all (AF gets me before I crack!).
I hope so much that this is your month - but I also completely understand your reluctance to get excited if you do get your BFP. I've had one miscarriage but I know that any following pregnancy is going to be a nerve-ride!

Please let us know what happens. Sending you lots of strong and hopeful thoughts!

B
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Postby missymoo3 » Sun Jul 15, 2012 2:34 pm

Thanks Earthweave, it is absolutely about keeping that little bit of hope alive, isn't it? That's the nail on the head. I've had a wee in a pot a couple of times, and thrown it away before I can test even!

Will keep you informed of course, and thanks for your best wishes. Got a few cramps at top of legs now, so just have to try and forget about it for a couple of days, and not be too upset if/when AF arrives.

keep telling myself that AF is absolutely bound to arrive, will be 14 days tomorrow - just to try to prepare for the disappointment. What is a bit wierd though is last AF came just 7 days after ovulation. Why would it suddenly got to double that??
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Postby TTCnumber2at42 » Mon Jul 16, 2012 4:31 am

Hi Missymoo, try to stay positive although I know exactly how you feel. I know it isn't any consolation but at least you know you can get pregnant.

Just a thought but do you think you should see your doctor about your short luteal phase? Between 10-16 days is considered normal ... perhaps you need some supplements to help maintain a pregnancy (just a thought). My doctor had me on progesterone 100mg (vaginally) 2x daily to prevent miscarriage and create a healthy lining for implantation.
Me 42 in September 2012 ~DH 35 in June 2012 ~DS 2 in July 2012
Angel #1 March 2008 6 weeks 6 days
Angel # 2 May 2011 6 weeks 2 days
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Postby missymoo3 » Mon Jul 16, 2012 6:40 am

Well AF seems to have started today, spotting anyway, is quite brownish, but think I am trying to kid myself with ideas of implantation bleeding at 14dpo!!

My doctor wouldn't offer me anything for the short luteal phase, because I have had kids already and so am not entitled to anything on the nhs. I have been taking B6 since last miscarriage, ie a couple of months, so maybe that has just taken its time to work.

What has definitely changed though is the fact that until a year or so ago, I always used to ovulate around day 13 now, it's about day 18. Wonder if its just my body getting older and changing.

FX for next month for all of us :)
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Postby earthweave » Mon Jul 16, 2012 7:21 am

Missy - maybe it's a result of your recent miscarriage. I had one in March and since then my O has been getting later, last couple of months it's been day 15/16 - it was always around 12 - 14 before the miscarriage.

B
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Postby missymoo3 » Mon Jul 16, 2012 2:35 pm

B - mine changed after my first miscarriage too. I have always assumed it is an age thing, but maybe it is related to miscarriage after all.

Honestly, all the analysis you do in your head (or at least I do in my head!) just drives you nuts, doesn't it. I never used to think of taking anything, and now it's B6, royal jelly, evening primrose oil not to mention other things.
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Postby earthweave » Tue Jul 17, 2012 1:18 am

well, when you think about it, although 3 months (ie 3 cycles of emotional rollercoster!) seems like a life time to us, it's really no time at all for your body to sort itself out after a miscarriage. I'm waiting for my 4th O since miscarriage - it seems like a million years ago in some ways, but it's really not. I think the problem when you are 43 (my age) is that you feel that each O might actually be the last.

CD 10 for me - O can't be too far away.


B
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Postby TTCnumber2at42 » Tue Jul 17, 2012 7:21 am

We should remember that pregnancy/miscarriage wreaks havoc with your hormonal system. Some get pregnant immeditely after MC others could take 6+ months....

Having a support network like this forum helps me to stay positive.
Me 42 in September 2012 ~DH 35 in June 2012 ~DS 2 in July 2012
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Angel # 2 May 2011 6 weeks 2 days
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Postby earthweave » Tue Jul 17, 2012 10:07 am

It helps me too - thank goodness for you lot!
xx
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Postby Madasa30 » Tue Jul 17, 2012 1:46 pm

Sorry about the BFN Missymoo, FX for next cycle xx.

Go get that egg B! xx
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Postby tiffanynp » Wed Jul 18, 2012 9:42 am

Missy, it does sound like your body is trying to sort itself out after your miscarriage. I am sorry about the mc too :(. Those are heartbreaking!
But, on a positive note..it does sound like your lp is going to normal. Hopefully, this next cycle will be the one for you!!
Me, Tiffany: 40. DH: 43. DD: 17mo's.
TTC#2 since June 2012.
Cycle #1: Chemical bfp June 2012 :(.
Cycle #4: Clomid 100mg cd3-7 Angel baby @ 9w1d on Nov 18, 2012 :(.
Cycle#5: Clomid 100mg cd3-7; BFN.
Cycle#6: Femara 5mg cd3-7; Angel baby#2 @ 5w4d on March 3, 2013 :(.
DIAGNOSED with MTHFR by RE on 4/8/13 as possible cause of mc...FX next preg is take home baby!!!
Cycle#7: Femara 5mg cd3-7, Ovaboost, Aspirin, and Foligard; BFP!!!!!!! :)
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DD conceived on first cycle of Clomid 100mg after 3cycles BFN on Clomid 50mg.
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