Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby wannabemom777 » Fri May 24, 2013 5:16 am

Thought I share this article I read. Bit long but moving.


Sunday, May 12, 2013

this is for YOU who are still waiting and trying to be called 'mama'*

dear You-who-are-waiting-to-be-called-a-mama, 



i know about the empty feeling of not being able to get pregnant. 
i know about the fear of 'will it ever happen'. 
i know about the constant thoughts of 'maybe this month'.
i know about the continues trying and making it fun part. 
i know about the not knowing. 
i know about it being not fun anymore. 
i know about the 'what if i never get pregnant'. 

i know about the dreams that he and you talk about until the wee hours of the night. 
i know about the names that you have already chosen. 
i know about the talks you have about whose lips and eyes your baby is going to have. 
i know about the giggles of what you want your baby to be like. 

i know about the hope you have for your baby's future.
i know about the room that you have already set up in your mind.
i know about the million times you walked into a baby store to just look... look at what you will buy 'if'.
i know about the friend you know for 'whose baby you can buy this'.
i know about the overwhelm & tears when you stand with your friends' baby's gift in your arms, wanting with everything in you to buy it for YOUR baby...
i know how you throw the clothes down, tears streaming down your face, and run out of the shop.
i know how this happens more than once. 

i know about the hope of treatment, ivf, icsi, clomid, you name it...about all the options. 
i know about donors and surrogates. 
i know about all the advise family and friends so freely give. 
and do i know about the 'just wait until you don't think about it, and before you know it, you will be pregnant'. 

i know about the invasive procedures of (in)fertility treatment. 
i know all about 'hope'. the 'gift' of a baby at the end of the emotional roller coaster. 
i know of the 25% success rate with these procedures and all i see on the walls are the photos of the babies that were born within that 25%.

i also know about the unknown. 
i know about the fear when you go for your first implant. 
i know about the support group number on the wall and the thinking 'i'm not that desperate'. 
i know about the not knowing what to expect. 
i know about the shyness of putting on the gown and going into a room full of strangers.
i know about acting as if this is no big deal. 
i know about the knowing that you have absolute no idea what to expect. 

i know how scared you are. 
i know how unfair this is. 
i know how angry you are. 
i know about every single time you speak with God and how you want to curse Him for making you one of them. 

i know about the endless injections and medicine. 
i know about the keeping it together emotionally. 
i know about your husband trying everything to 'take care' of you just in case you fall apart. 
i know about the fear of every injection. 
i know about the thoughts of 'i can do this, we are going to have a baby, this is nothing - thoughts'. 
i know about getting up at 7am to go to your neighbor (who is a nurse), to give you said injection. 
i know about smiling and being brave, where all you want to do is cry! 

i know about the waiting. 
i know about the devastation of dreams shattered when you hear 'your test is negative'.

sweet one who is already a mama in her heart, 

i also know about adoption and miracles and 'meant to be'. 
i know about the perfect time. 
i know about God being in control of our life plan. 

i know what it is to be called 'mama'. 

i know how sad one feels on mother's day when you've been trying every.thing.to.get.pregnant.and.it.is.not.happening. 
i know how you are pretending that special days like today don't upset you. 
i know how you concentrate on your own mom and shrug your own motherhood off as if a fleeting thought. 
i know how you think about motherhood every.single.minute.of.every.day.

this series of 'i know letters' is written for you. 
in honor of you. 
Age: 42
Ttc #1
Ttc since 2009
Havnt been on bc for 20years.
Status: married
Blocked tubes now inblocked. Started clomid
Clomid round 1 feb 28. Day 2 - 6. Bfn
Clomid round 2 mar 29 day 3 - 7.
I'm thanking Jesus for a bfp
Hubby on dr prescrip to improve mortility

There shall be no barrenness among you male or female. Thank you Father in advance for my Bfp
wannabemom777
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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby Second_Chance » Tue May 28, 2013 8:57 am

Like the poem Wannabemom- :)

Hi Ray- I saw your chart....Hugs to you. Hang in there and dont give up. It will happen.

Frannie- so sorry for your loss... I cannot imagine and dread the day that happens to me.... HUGS dear.
Me: 44 DH: 45
TTC #1 since June 2012
DH- Perfect
ME- DOR due to age

March 2013 started taking DHEA 25mg 3 times a day FSH is now 8.5... down from 17.8 from 3 months earlier. They want it well below 10.

June, 2013- AMH level .016 (low) they want it over 1.

June 2013- Antral Follicle Ct- 6 (low) they want it over 10.


My Current Cycle Chart
Image
My Ovulation Chart
|| [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com]Ovulation Calendar[/url]
Second_Chance
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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby tiffanynp » Tue May 28, 2013 9:15 am

Second, when is your scan????
Me, Tiffany: 40. DH: 43. DD: 17mo's.
TTC#2 since June 2012.
Cycle #1: Chemical bfp June 2012 :(.
Cycle #4: Clomid 100mg cd3-7 Angel baby @ 9w1d on Nov 18, 2012 :(.
Cycle#5: Clomid 100mg cd3-7; BFN.
Cycle#6: Femara 5mg cd3-7; Angel baby#2 @ 5w4d on March 3, 2013 :(.
DIAGNOSED with MTHFR by RE on 4/8/13 as possible cause of mc...FX next preg is take home baby!!!
Cycle#7: Femara 5mg cd3-7, Ovaboost, Aspirin, and Foligard; BFP!!!!!!! :)
Image
Image
DD conceived on first cycle of Clomid 100mg after 3cycles BFN on Clomid 50mg.
Image
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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby Second_Chance » Tue May 28, 2013 1:21 pm

Tiff- Tomorrow AM.
Me: 44 DH: 45
TTC #1 since June 2012
DH- Perfect
ME- DOR due to age

March 2013 started taking DHEA 25mg 3 times a day FSH is now 8.5... down from 17.8 from 3 months earlier. They want it well below 10.

June, 2013- AMH level .016 (low) they want it over 1.

June 2013- Antral Follicle Ct- 6 (low) they want it over 10.


My Current Cycle Chart
Image
My Ovulation Chart
|| [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com]Ovulation Calendar[/url]
Second_Chance
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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby tiffanynp » Tue May 28, 2013 1:25 pm

Praying for you it is the GOLDEN EGG!!!!
Me, Tiffany: 40. DH: 43. DD: 17mo's.
TTC#2 since June 2012.
Cycle #1: Chemical bfp June 2012 :(.
Cycle #4: Clomid 100mg cd3-7 Angel baby @ 9w1d on Nov 18, 2012 :(.
Cycle#5: Clomid 100mg cd3-7; BFN.
Cycle#6: Femara 5mg cd3-7; Angel baby#2 @ 5w4d on March 3, 2013 :(.
DIAGNOSED with MTHFR by RE on 4/8/13 as possible cause of mc...FX next preg is take home baby!!!
Cycle#7: Femara 5mg cd3-7, Ovaboost, Aspirin, and Foligard; BFP!!!!!!! :)
Image
Image
DD conceived on first cycle of Clomid 100mg after 3cycles BFN on Clomid 50mg.
Image
tiffanynp
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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby raybuth » Wed May 29, 2013 10:31 am

Hello Ladies.
I know I am very overdue for an update and personals.
Frannie - I am so very sorry to hear about the passing of your Mom. Words cannot express. :hugs:

Tiff - I am so glad to hear :hb: :hb: :hb: about the hearbeat of your baby!!

Wannabe - Thanks for sharing the poem :)

Seconds - Hugs. Praying this is your golden egg.

Momoftreasures - so sorry that the Witch arrived.

Hello to EOE :D !

AFM – It is CD7 for me. Since I typically O on CD12 or CD13, they will do a mid-cycle u/s on Friday. Emotionally, I am more controlled, but I have to say that my optimism is really starting to take a beating. At 44, my odds of getting a BFP are rapidly diminishing with each and every cycle. We planned on up to 4 IUI and we now have 2 failed attempts. Emotionally, I am starting to prepare for what is most likely the inevitable – that God has already blessed me with a DS & DSS and may not plan for me to have another :cry: . It is so frustrating and devastating to have something that means so much to me completely outside of my control :cry: . I can’t be around my future DIL or my SIL without having a meltdown, since both are quite pregnant. As I am trying to come to terms with this, I thought I would start to gain knowledge about the adoption process. My heartbreak continues as I see that the upfront costs to adopt an infant are HUGE and for us, unobtainable at this point. I just don’t understand why God would give some of us such an overwhelming desire for another child without a means to satisfy it.
Me: 44, DH: 43
DSS: 18, DS: 10
TTC Cycle #1 - #5 - Naturally
TTC Cycle #6, Femara
TTC Cycle #7, Femara/Trigger/IUI - 4/12/13 & 4/13/13 - BFN
TTC Cycle #8, Femara/Trigger/IUI - 5/9/13 - BFN
TTC Cycle #9, Femara/IUI - 6/4/13 - BFN
TTC Cycle #10, Femara
TTC Cycle #11

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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby tiffanynp » Wed May 29, 2013 10:47 am

Ray, Oh hun..I am so sorry and I don't know the answer to the your question...wish I did :(. I do know that you have two more IUI attempts left; therefore, there is HOPE. And, we are here for you. I do beleive that desire is there for a reason it just maybe fulfilled in ways that we do not think we think it should be fulfilled. You just never know and have to keep the faith because His answer/plan will come and it will in turn be better then anything you have ever expected :).
Love and hugs to you!
Me, Tiffany: 40. DH: 43. DD: 17mo's.
TTC#2 since June 2012.
Cycle #1: Chemical bfp June 2012 :(.
Cycle #4: Clomid 100mg cd3-7 Angel baby @ 9w1d on Nov 18, 2012 :(.
Cycle#5: Clomid 100mg cd3-7; BFN.
Cycle#6: Femara 5mg cd3-7; Angel baby#2 @ 5w4d on March 3, 2013 :(.
DIAGNOSED with MTHFR by RE on 4/8/13 as possible cause of mc...FX next preg is take home baby!!!
Cycle#7: Femara 5mg cd3-7, Ovaboost, Aspirin, and Foligard; BFP!!!!!!! :)
Image
Image
DD conceived on first cycle of Clomid 100mg after 3cycles BFN on Clomid 50mg.
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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby Second_Chance » Wed May 29, 2013 11:48 am

Hi Ray- I think of you often and know exactly how you feel...... I just turned 44 myself...... I go to my first RE appt tomorrow...... If I am doing this I am going to be as aggressive as I can be with it... I think the same way you do.... so when you are feeling sad and alone please know there is one other person in the "universe" with almost the same circumstances you have that is feeling the same way you are.... HUGS and may you some how find a bit of peace with this... also, I will just put this out there to you, another option would be adoption thru the foster system, there is virtually no cost, I have a friend that did that and she suggests me maybe going that route if need be.. she recommended with that route to go with a child that is a yr or under as there are fewer mental scars that come from those circumstances........... sad but true......

also, has your RE done additional testing for AMH and estrodial?? that may also give you better answers, and also, has he thought about bigger drugs??? injectibles??? etc... IVF???

AFM- went for my ovulation ultrasound this AM, I took 50 mg clomid CD 3-7 this cycle... My lining was 10.1, I had 4 follicles, my right ovary is usually the dominate side, 3 of the right were 2 MM so they are useless, I had 1 follicle on the L at 29 MM so they gave me the trigger shot and told me to BD tonight.... I have noticed with bigger follicles I O about 24 hrs after my shot, so my timing should be good tonight...... not getting my hopes up but since my FSH on CD3 this month was 8.5 I do have a glimmer of hope.....

Hi to everyone else
Me: 44 DH: 45
TTC #1 since June 2012
DH- Perfect
ME- DOR due to age

March 2013 started taking DHEA 25mg 3 times a day FSH is now 8.5... down from 17.8 from 3 months earlier. They want it well below 10.

June, 2013- AMH level .016 (low) they want it over 1.

June 2013- Antral Follicle Ct- 6 (low) they want it over 10.


My Current Cycle Chart
Image
My Ovulation Chart
|| [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com]Ovulation Calendar[/url]
Second_Chance
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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby Second_Chance » Fri May 31, 2013 10:25 am

I started a new thread.... called it TTC THOUGHTS AND SHARE ALL WELCOME.... see you there :)
Me: 44 DH: 45
TTC #1 since June 2012
DH- Perfect
ME- DOR due to age

March 2013 started taking DHEA 25mg 3 times a day FSH is now 8.5... down from 17.8 from 3 months earlier. They want it well below 10.

June, 2013- AMH level .016 (low) they want it over 1.

June 2013- Antral Follicle Ct- 6 (low) they want it over 10.


My Current Cycle Chart
Image
My Ovulation Chart
|| [url=http;//www.fertilityfriend.com]Ovulation Calendar[/url]
Second_Chance
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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby raybuth » Fri May 31, 2013 11:48 am

Thanks for all the support, ladies. It is so wonderful to have you all to help through this. I had the mid-cycle check today which shows 2 follies at 18 each. The third IUI will likely be Sunday or Monday. I got my flashing smiley on the CB OPK, so we should be within our fertile window. Fingers crossed!
Me: 44, DH: 43
DSS: 18, DS: 10
TTC Cycle #1 - #5 - Naturally
TTC Cycle #6, Femara
TTC Cycle #7, Femara/Trigger/IUI - 4/12/13 & 4/13/13 - BFN
TTC Cycle #8, Femara/Trigger/IUI - 5/9/13 - BFN
TTC Cycle #9, Femara/IUI - 6/4/13 - BFN
TTC Cycle #10, Femara
TTC Cycle #11

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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby tiffanynp » Fri May 31, 2013 12:21 pm

FX momma!!! I so hope and pray this is the one for you!!!
Me, Tiffany: 40. DH: 43. DD: 17mo's.
TTC#2 since June 2012.
Cycle #1: Chemical bfp June 2012 :(.
Cycle #4: Clomid 100mg cd3-7 Angel baby @ 9w1d on Nov 18, 2012 :(.
Cycle#5: Clomid 100mg cd3-7; BFN.
Cycle#6: Femara 5mg cd3-7; Angel baby#2 @ 5w4d on March 3, 2013 :(.
DIAGNOSED with MTHFR by RE on 4/8/13 as possible cause of mc...FX next preg is take home baby!!!
Cycle#7: Femara 5mg cd3-7, Ovaboost, Aspirin, and Foligard; BFP!!!!!!! :)
Image
Image
DD conceived on first cycle of Clomid 100mg after 3cycles BFN on Clomid 50mg.
Image
tiffanynp
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Re: Cycling on -- Part Once (11)

Postby StathamLuvr » Sat Aug 03, 2013 5:58 am

Hi all... up to page 11 now, eh? I think it was on 6 or 7 the last time I was here. I am certain you all have forgotten me, but I recognize max, tiff, second and ray... I have not had a chance to catch up, but please accept my hello to you all! :-).

The last time I was here in March, I had just met the guy I thought was indeed "the one". Things have been somewhat touch and go (including the touching and placing of a diamond ring on my finger), and I just don't think I can go thru with a marriage with him after some of the words I have heard and behaviors I have witnessed on his side... sigh... Thing is... I'm 2 days late for AF right now, and I don't know if I should be excited or bummed! Would never be bummed about being preggo, no matter who was the sperm source.... I am gonna be bummed if this is the onset of menopause. :-( I AM 46 yo now, so it is a real concern I have. I supposedly OV'd on 7/20 according to My App, and we bd'ed the night before. I didn't get the "usual" sore bbs the week or so before AF was due, but didn't think too hard on that b/c that has been changing the last couple of months to where I only have sore bbs abt 3 days before AF shows. At about 8 dpo, I had brown discharge in my panties- nothing new there... Now, here is the strange part... bbs never fully became sore and on day she was due on 8/1, still really no sore bbs and just some brownish stuff on paper when I wiped...no blood flow start even now! I had a verrrry small amount of barely tan wet discharge on the pantyliner yesterday, but nothing else. I have dull, slight AF cramps off and on for past 3-4 days, and was roasting at work last night (but AC was not fully on), but still no change in bbs and no nausea, etc...

I am now about 14 dpo and AF has not ever been this overdue...in fact, she has been known to show up 3 days early in the past on occasion! Am I just getting old and facing menopause, or is there something going on much more exciting??? I know, I know...I should just buy an HPT, but I am afraid of the BFN!!!
StathamLuvr
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