Any suggestions

TTC in our fabulous forties!

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Any suggestions

Postby Claireu » Sun Jun 09, 2013 2:05 pm

Hi ladies
Hopefully not too much TMI but i need some help. I'm not sure if anyone else's DH has struggled with 'nerves' on the very couple of days we need to be BDing? It's driving him mad, he's getting very frustrated with himself and so am I but I can't let him see this as it would just make things worse. He's fine when things start but then all of a sudden he gets a thought in his head and...well nothing! It's not that he can't perform normally for the rest of the month but just on the very days he needs to. He's so supportive and he instigated us TTC, but we're getting desperate no I'm running out of time and he's struggling as he feels he's letting the side down, so any ideas ladies we'd really appreciate it.
I've tried not telling him and trying to relax about dates so it sneaks up on him, we've tried not BD'ing for over a week up to it so he's gagging for it haha! But as soon as those thoughts ping into his head then 'things' go downhill!
Thanks for reading
Me:47 no kids
DH:53 3 kids: 11, 14, 20
TTC: 6yrs
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Re: Any suggestions

Postby Happyfroggy » Sun Jun 09, 2013 8:14 pm

Claireu wrote:Hi ladies
Hopefully not too much TMI but i need some help. I'm not sure if anyone else's DH has struggled with 'nerves' on the very couple of days we need to be BDing? It's driving him mad, he's getting very frustrated with himself and so am I but I can't let him see this as it would just make things worse. He's fine when things start but then all of a sudden he gets a thought in his head and...well nothing! It's not that he can't perform normally for the rest of the month but just on the very days he needs to. He's so supportive and he instigated us TTC, but we're getting desperate no I'm running out of time and he's struggling as he feels he's letting the side down, so any ideas ladies we'd really appreciate it.
I've tried not telling him and trying to relax about dates so it sneaks up on him, we've tried not BD'ing for over a week up to it so he's gagging for it haha! But as soon as those thoughts ping into his head then 'things' go downhill!
Thanks for reading


Sounds like bad performance anxiety. I think the best bet would be to stop talking about your cycle to him, to the point that he no longer knows which 'days' are the 'fertile days' and that way he won't be aware of which time 'counts' and that will help him to relax about it. You could even say you're not charting/tracking that month as a break but then secretly do it! So just be sure to initiate on non-fertile days so that he cannot sense a pattern. I hope that helps!!!
BFP on Friday Feb 3rd 2017 but ended in miscarriage at 7 1/2 weeks :(

Didn't chart this time, last time was TTC for over a year, BFP chart from daughter :D :
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