Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

TTC in our fabulous forties!

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Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby Peony06 » Fri Jun 14, 2013 8:41 pm

Hello ladies,
DH is 42, I just turned 34. We started ttc #2 last year but soon after my BFP AF came. Other things have happened since therefore we have not been actively ttc. My question is: how regularly do you BD? if your DH/BF/etc is in his 40's, how often is he up for it? last month was a pretty dry month for us due to some time that we spent apart, however, we're in the middle of June already and we've only been together a couple of times since (one because it was my Bday). I know DH is faithful so that's not the issue, the issue is that he doesn't seem to be up for it too often. I've gained a few pounds too but not to the point where other men would not find me attractive. I'm a regular on another forum here but I find myself BDing way less than my other ttc friends whose DH's are in their 30's. I'm just curious to find out if it's age or if he really has lost interest. Any comments, feedback, etc. will be very appreciated! Thanks a bunch!
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Re: Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby Peony06 » Sat Jun 15, 2013 10:30 am

aw c'mon! 38 views and no one has anything to say? help me out here please! I am really having a hard time figuring out how to deal with this.
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Re: Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby all-cried-out » Sat Jun 15, 2013 11:48 am

Hi Peony,
Im 34 and my DH is 46. weve bee together for 10 years but most definitely I noticed a decline in bding when he hit 40, lol. I think he decided he was an old man then.
we perhaps bd twice a week on a good week, but can go a fortnight without bothering if its not a key week.

Its not a relection on the relationship, that's totally strong but three times a night is long in the past :) xx
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Re: Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby Luvsdogs » Sat Jun 15, 2013 8:33 pm

My ex-husband had some depression and this really affected our bding. If this or anxiety aren't issues, I would say it is the usual decline...especially if you have been married for a bit. Also, could it be possible he thinks you dont want to and is afraid to initiate? Have you tried to talk with him about it?
Me 41
DH 40
DD Dec 2010
Baby Gavin went to heaven 21.6 weeks Trisomy 18
CP's Feb 2013, May 2013, Aug, 2013
Femara, Ovidrel, and timed bd cycles-
Oct= bfn follie sizes 18, 15, 3@14
Nov= 3 nice follies at 20, 22, 22 (also a 15 and 14) BFN :(
End Nov= follie sizes 20, 18, 16, 14.
BFP Dec 1 !!!!
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Re: Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby Peony06 » Sun Jun 16, 2013 2:21 pm

Thank you ladies, I appreciate the honest response.
all-cried-out, I think mine feels the same way, I've definitely noticed an increase in complaints about how this that or whatever hurts. He already has enough gray hair so I think he feels like this is it.
luvsdogs, you were partially right, I finally confronted him about it and he admitted sometimes stress gets in the way and he doesn't know for sure if I'm up for it or sometimes I've made him feel like he's got to bring his "A game" every time.
In conclusion, although there was a nasty fight involved, we finally talked about it, we agreed to make more time for romance and be respectful of each other throughout the day so that there is more "good will" built up at night. We celebrated with a good session and I told him he was so good last night that he was off the hook for a while :)
Thanks again for taking the time to help me sort this through. It was not a fun conversation to have but it was definitely worth it.
I hope you get your BFP's soon!
Best,
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Re: Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby cubanmama » Sun Jun 16, 2013 8:52 pm

My husband is 43 and is generally very "young at heart". He is a big hiker and runner and full of energy. People who meet us are shocked when they hear that I'm 40 and he's 43. Bottom line is he is still pretty frisky and I'm the one that is often tired because on long days. :D We've been married 10 years and I do think that BD just declines after being together for a while. I think it's so great that you were able to talk to your DH and clear the air and find some resolution on this issue. When we've been ttc recently I really really try to focus on truly "making love" - not just making a baby. I try to remember what initially attracted me to him and made me want to jump his bones in the first place! :D This helps me stay in the moment and let the good times roll. I hope things get better for you, hang in there!
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Re: Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby all-cried-out » Mon Jun 17, 2013 1:14 am

Im glad you had a good talk peony, hopefully things will be better with the air clear.
good luck xx
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Re: Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby Peony06 » Mon Jun 17, 2013 5:45 pm

thank you cubanmama and all-cried-out! I think being in shape helps. It boosts your confidence and keeps your energy levels high. We both are quite out of shape so perhaps that's been a factor. We've had fights about this before because I do feel his expectations are quite high. I'm expected to look like a "trophy wife" but still bring home a paycheck and keep a spotless house, and be active in church. Something's gotta give! and unfortunately, it has been putting myself first. Well, thanks for reading ladies. Good luck with ttc! baby dust to all!
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Re: Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby cubanmama » Tue Jun 18, 2013 10:16 am

One more comment - when we did our Pre-Cana counseling (I'm Catholic) we had this great exercise where we talked about arguments and how to fight fair, etc. The biggest nugget of wisdom I got that I will never forget is that fights are usually NOT about the topic at hand (not having enough sex, etc.) but usually about UNMET EXPECTATIONS. This was a revelation to me! In other words, I had an expectation (perhaps unspoken) about something and then the arguing begins... does that make sense? So maybe it would be good to talk about what each of your expectations are around this whole TTC journey and also make a promise to be patient with each other. No one is perfect and no human is a trophy! Hope that helps :)
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Re: Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby Peony06 » Tue Jun 18, 2013 5:14 pm

that is very helpful! (and very true!) thank you cubanmama!
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N/a

Postby Hottie » Sun Aug 31, 2014 7:25 pm

N/a
Last edited by Hottie on Tue Dec 29, 2015 4:43 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Question for ladies whose dh's are in their 40's

Postby Peony06 » Wed Sep 03, 2014 2:15 pm

Hi hottie! Thanks for your answer! This was an old post and now we have the baby de were seeking! However the other issue remains. Not a big deal right now since I still have 3 more weeks of abstinence but I do suspect low testosterone... Thanks for sharing!!!
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