TTC Insanity!! Send help (and chocolate)

TTC in our fabulous forties!

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TTC Insanity!! Send help (and chocolate)

Postby shira » Mon Oct 26, 2015 2:15 am

Hi ladies, I haven't posted previously. I'm experiencing a bout of TTC Insanity so just needed to have some sympathetic ears. I'm 40 and TTC first baby with my 33 year old fiance, never been pregnant in my life (but did TTC unsuccessfully for about 18 months with my ex when I was about 32, turned out to be male factor issues but the relationship ended for other reasons.) My fiance has no children.
So despite longing to be a mum since I was 25 years old, I have never experienced seeing that BFP on a stick! And here I am, less than 6 months to go till my 41st birthday.

We started trying in July this year straight off the pill, and since then a couple of months haven't had particularly great BD-timing (sometimes because he was unable to finish due to stress), so I realise it's still early days for us.
Today I'm 13DPO and had a BFN yesterday, temps still high but I feel on and off like AF is coming (the witch is expected tomorrow). We had brilliant BD timing this month but it was a real effort to do, I'm dreading next time to be honest! He finds he can't finish if we do it every day so we did it every other day, managed to hit O day this time. I really thought we had managed it this month as I got a bit of brown spotting at 9dpo and had very bad lower back pain, nausea, metallic taste and exhaustion (I never get nausea - literally haven't thrown up since the age of 17!) and I have never had exhaustion like that. Then yesterday those symptoms disappeared, so I assume they were caused by a virus or something.
Today I feel weepy and angry, just screamed at the neighbours over the fence because their builders started really loud drilling at 8.30am, and burst into tears just as my poor OH was leaving for work, begging him not to go (he's going to be away for a few days). I feel like I've lost it, flipped my lid, gone crazy! I've got the next week off work so it's just going to be me rattling around the flat for almost a week, then when he gets back he's only here for three days before going overseas for two weeks.

OH will be overseas when I'm ovulating next month so we will have an enforced break from TTC. It will be a relief I suppose.

Does anyone else get like this sometimes? I feel like I'm just not myself anymore. If I hear one more person say "don't think about it and it will happen" or "just relax and it will happen" - I think I'll scream. And yet it seems that everyone else is getting pregnant at the drop of a hat - particularly women at work. I am sorry to sound like a b**ch but I am counting the days till my colleague goes on maternity leave so that I don't have to sit next to her stroking her baby bump all day while she works.
Me 40, OH 33. TTC first baby since July 2016. Wanted to be a mum since age 25 but didn't meet the right guy till late 30s.
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shira
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