Frustrated!

Come and meet others who are dealing with irregular cycles. Compare charts and get support!

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Frustrated!

Postby Devaness » Thu Jan 05, 2012 6:37 pm

Hi everyone,

I am new posting on here but have been reading for a while. I finished my last pack of bc in October (was on it for 8 yrs) and DH and I decided that that would be it, that we were ready to ttc! He is 28, I am 26. Of course I thought it would be so easy, that it would happen that first month. It didn't, AF came on CD29 and I was disappointed, but ready to start a new cycle to try again.

Well, it is now CD49! I have wasted a lot of money on pregnancy tests, all BFNs. It is so frustrating, now I just want AF to come so I can start a new cycle! I feel like that would be better than being in who knows how long wait land and having no idea what is going on with my body! I definitely want to try OPKs next cycle, but right now I can't do anything but wait.

And I keep telling myself to stop hoping and testing, that this cycle is a bust, but every few days something slightly out of the ordinary will happen with my body that i think just might be a pregnancy sign and I test again, only to get another BFN. I never knew that ttc would make me feel so helpless. I am a planner and this never ending cycle is not part of my plan!

Any advice on how to stay sane? I feel like this cycle will never end!

Thanks,
Devan
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Postby wakeup26 » Thu Jan 05, 2012 7:07 pm

As I read your post, all I can think about is how much you sound like me when I started TTC. I've been at it since may 2011 and went through the same testing paranoia phase!
I'm not sure I have any advice on staying sane though, cause my cycles have just been longer and longer each time so I'm currently doing acupuncture and have a dr's app on the 16th. I hope that this won't be the case for you though..I don't wish this waiting horror for no one!!
This site helps a lot though..it's nice to read other women going through hell at the same time as you..makes you feel like less of an exception to the rule!
I too thought that getting pregnant would be easy...it was so for my sister and my mother so why not me? I'm a freak planner also and even started to buy baby stuff before actually started TTC (i know i know...). So I'm going to send some big ol' ovulation dust your way ;) and hope that we both make it out of this adventure without being admitted into a psychiatric facility! :shock:
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Postby Devaness » Fri Jan 06, 2012 7:48 pm

Wakeup26, thanks for your encouragement! I guess I just needed to vent, feeling a little better about things today.

I just keep going back and forth in my mind about whether something is wrong with me, or if it is just coming off the pill that is messing with my body. I remember not really having regular cycles before I got on the pill, but that was such a long time ago. Back then I didn't keep track, and thought it was great to go a long time between periods. How time changes things!

Well, it's officially cd 50 now, but I guess however long it takes to conceive, it will be worth the wait!!
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Postby SamLeeC » Sat Jan 07, 2012 9:25 am

Devaness - Can you please get out of my brain??? :D

I was reading your posts on here (both of them) and they are the exact same things I have said too!!! It's SO frustrating, the not knowing and wasting money on tests and then feeling like you can't even get a fresh start because AF won't come so you have NO idea what is going on!!!

I've been trying for 8 months now, and 4 of those months in a row were without AF. I finally went to the doctor a month or so ago and they ran blood work and ultrasound. Everything was pretty much normal, but there were some follicles on my ovaries. I have an appt in February to move forward on stimulating the ovaries, but in the mean time I was given progesterone pills to force my period and AF is expected to come this weekend. I'm testing tomorrow hoping for a BFP, but am not looking forward to it in a lot of ways because if it's BFN I'll feel like I'm back to my irregular periods.

All I can say at this point is going to the doctor made me feel sane again, like I was at least getting out of my "rut" of not having AF and feeling like we couldn't even be trying because of it.

I've also begun using OPK (clearblue brand) tests consistently so I can still see my LH surge indicating that my body is preparing to ovulate. At least this way I know SOMETHING is happening!!

I'm glad you're feeling better today, I hope you see AF soon, or even better a BFP!
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Postby wakeup26 » Sat Jan 07, 2012 11:55 pm

Well...another one of my friends just annonced shes pregnant with her second child! Ughh..it breaks my heart each time even though I'm really happy for her! Why does it seem so easy for everybody else?! I feel really alone in all of this, cause I'm the only one of all my friends who have trouble TTC. I'm really glad to have found this website, it helps to know that other people do actually know what I'm talking about, cause when I talk to my friends I feel like they just don't get the frustration I feel since it was so easy for them to conceive!
I can't wait to see my doc on the 16, I'm in desperate need for some answers!
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Postby Devaness » Tue Jan 10, 2012 5:48 pm

AF came yesterday!!! So happy that my body is doing something! Tomorrow I'm going to use the fertility stick that came free in one of my First Response test packs, and see what that says. Then I will start OPKs on Friday. Really hoping this will be a 'normal' length cycle. Just so excited that I can do something now other than just wait!

Wakeup26 and SamLeeC, thank you so much for your encouragement, this board is the best. Wishing BFPs for both of you SOON!!
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Postby wakeup26 » Tue Jan 10, 2012 7:38 pm

I'll be following you during your new cycle! Hoping this one's the ONE! hhaha Hey what's the fertility stick you're talking about?
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Postby Devaness » Thu Jan 12, 2012 4:34 pm

Wakeup26, it was the First Response Fertility Test. It came for free in one of the pregnancy test packs that I bought. You use it on CD3 and it is supposed to test FSH level to assess ovarian reserve (egg quantity and quality). Mine came back normal, but of course, it is only testing one indicator of fertility and does not detect all possible issues. But, it was free and it gave me an excuse to POAS!

Today I bought a Clearblue Digital Ovulation Test 20 pk and a Basal Thermometer! I know, I know, getting a little intense but I am determined to know when I ovulate this cycle. Then, if it is another long cycle, at least I won't go all crazy symptom spotting and testing if I know I haven't even ovulated yet!

Good luck at your doctor's appt next week!
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Postby JC_RN09 » Tue Jan 31, 2012 10:47 am

I know a couple people have said this but I felt like I was reading my own story. I went off BC in November, had been on the pill for 4 years. I was always irregular before which was GREAT, but now I hate it. I'm going to make an appointment to see my doc next month if AF doesn't come before the end of February. I just want AF to show so I can start a cycle.
I also can sympathize with the friends getting pregnant with seemingly not even trying. UGH! I'm excited for them but frustrated that I can't even get AF to know when my cycle is restarting.
I test frequently when I think I have pregnancy symptoms. I've been getting intermittent "butterfly" cramps all month, but no Af to speak of. :(

Fingers crossed this cycle works for you!
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Postby wakeup26 » Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:04 pm

JC! Welcome to the club. The girls in this forum are great for support and advice. I've been trying different things...acupuncture, seeing my doc, and just started Vitex today so I try and keep everyone informed about the things that help me. Cause if I can help someone else, I'm all for it! Keep us posted on how your cycle goes ;)
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Postby JC_RN09 » Tue Jan 31, 2012 4:18 pm

Thanks wakeup26. I've been reading the boards for about a month now, finally decided to join so I can start getting some ideas as to what can help us conceive and to get advice on my irregular cycles. This forum is PERFECT for me.
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Postby Tee2876 » Mon Feb 06, 2012 10:44 am

Sorry for the late chime in on this post - I have a few friends who were on BC continuously for yrs and 6mth after they stopped BC was the charm! So keep on trying
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Postby Devaness » Thu Feb 09, 2012 5:48 pm

Thanks Tee, I hope you are right!

So an update to what I wrote earlier in this thread, when I posted that AF had come back in early January, it turns out that I was wrong. It was really short and light, only three days of spotting really, but I was so excited for something to be happening and to start a new cycle that at the time I was sure it was AF. So I started counting again at CD1.

But then, on what I thought was CD17, and with me thinking that I was maybe going to have a normal cycle and getting close to ovulation, AF suddenly came on strong! This time it was much more like normal.

So, looking back on it all, I think that what actually happened was that when I thought I was having AF the first time, I was actually ovulating. I googled it and I guess you can spot during ovulation. That isn't normal for me, but my body is all kinds of confused so who knows what is normal anymore. But after the fake AF, my bbs were sore too which is common leading up to the real AF, I just didn't understand it at the time because I thought I was at the beginning of my cycle, not the end.

The sad thing is, since I thought that I was having AF the first time with the ovulation spotting, we didn't BD at all! So I totally missed my chance, and wasted a bunch of OPKs after I thought my cycle had started over when it really hadn't.

So anyway, I started the counting over again after the real AF, and I am currently on CD15. This month I am temping and using OPKs. I like OPKs very much! They make me feel like I have some idea what is going on with my body. I would have started them during my last crazy cycle which turned out to be 70+ days long, but I didn't understand how they worked, that each test is independent of the others. I thought you had to start near the beginning of your cycle like with a fertility monitor.

But anyway, the good news is that I now know A LOT more about TTC than I did back in October when we started. I am really hoping for a NORMAL cycle this time!!!!

Good luck to everyone, and I apologize that this was so long. Thank you again for all the encouragement - I really hope we all get our BFPs soon!!
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Postby wakeup26 » Thu Feb 09, 2012 6:46 pm

Isn't it frustrating when you just don't get your body anymore. I'm really glad you feel like you're knowing more about TTC though. That is always conforting, cause we feel less out of control I guess. I know I do.
I tried the opk, but it was starting to be too expensive and I was constantly getting positives (even the internet cheapies) so I started tempting instead.
Anyways I wish you a very normal cycle this time around with a BFP to end it all!! ;)
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Postby Baby_Bumble_Bee » Fri Feb 10, 2012 12:06 am

Hang in there :)

I was on BC for many years before TTC and my body reacted the same way. I have been off BC now for 10 months and my periods are just now finally starting to level out. With it being only your 2nd month off BC it is completely normal for things to be all over the place because the BC hormones stay in your body for awhile afterwards. :)
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