TTC after Stillbirth

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TTC after Stillbirth

Postby Erin33 » Sun Oct 12, 2014 10:02 pm

My son was born still 6 months ago at 38 weeks. He was our first and we are still pretty devastated from it. Because of our ages we don't have the luxury of waiting a long time before trying again. My OB suggested we wait at least 6 months before we start trying again. Well we waited and are ready to start trying however my body doesn't seem to be on the same page. To ensure we didn't get pregnant before the 6 month mark I was put on the pill. Henry was born in April and I was given the pill at the end of May and stopped taking it in August (3 cycles worth). The first month was strange because I was still technically bleeding postpartum, it took several weeks for it to stop. So the next cycle my periods were 35 days apart and then the following one was 30 days, then I stopped taking the pill. I wanted my body to go through at least one cycle on it's own without the pill. My last period that I had was August 15th and lasted a week, nothing has happened since (this was in the line with finishing the pill). Since it has been 2 months I am going to be scheduling an appointment with the OB to see what is going on. I just wanted to throw this out here to see if anyone has any suggestions.
It took us 2 years to conceive Henry, no prior pregnancies...he was our first and only sticky bean. 38 weeks and 3 days later he was gone. We lost him because my body failed him, the placenta was only 1/3 the size it needed to be. I had cycle issues before and was placed on Metformin, then Femara. We were successful after the 2nd round of Femara. I was really hoping that after my body got pregnant that it would figure out how to work from there and I wouldn't need any assistance the next time around. Then again, I wasn't planning on having to do this all again. I always wanted children (plural) but after it took so long the first time, we were perfectly fine with just having the one child. I have been reading a bit and keep seeing something called Secondary Infertility...just broken basically with no reason. I feel I am genuinely unlucky and most people around me have actually admitted to me that they feel the same way. They can see how I seem to get singled out when it comes to certain events and I always end up with the short stick. This would be "just my luck" to FINALLY get the baby I have always wanted and days before we get to meet him, he is taken away and then because the universe is cruel...I can't have anymore. :(
It might be stress...I hope it's stress related. Because I am so frustrated with how long it took the first time, get days from the finish line and I am suddenly put back at the starting line again. I don't...I CAN'T go through this again. I was hoping for my body to cut me a break, be normal and just let me reach the end without effort this time. We start getting close to the date we can start trying again and I start to feel anxiety. Not because I am not ready to give our son a sibling...but because we might not be able to. So am I just psyching my own body out? Or am I broken now?

I am not sure if I am even posting in the right spot...maybe this should be in the TTC after Loss section. But any advice you ladies can share would be greatly appreciated.
Me-34
DH -35
TTC #2 since 01/2015, 9 months post stillbirth of our son Henry. Progesterone and Femara.
#1-Due 04/20/2014 - Angel Baby 04/08/2014
TTC #1 since 08/2011 - Successful July, 2013 (with Femara), Stillborn @38 weeks
History of Endometriosis (laparoscopy 07/2003, lesion removal). History of Chocolate cysts. PCOS unconfirmed.
Erin33
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Posts: 65
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2013 11:29 pm
Location: Silverdale, Washington

Re: TTC after Stillbirth

Postby Luckyduck23 » Tue Oct 14, 2014 6:43 am

I couldn't read and run, I have to say how very deeply I feel for your loss and how sorry I am you had to feel that devastation after trying for so long. I don't have the best advice, but my honest opinion is that stress along with the short cycle of birthcontrol is a big part of your irregularity postpartum.. You may need another cycle or two for the bc to completely flush out of your system for your body to get working on its own again, but the stress and anxiety is likely going to hinder that. My best suggestion that doesn't involve medication would be to see a grief counselor if you aren't already seeing someone. Having someone, once or twice a week, be there to validate your feelings and listen (even if it seems like the same story over and over, something you would get tired of telling friends for feeling like a broken record) and offer coping strategies I think might really help you on the stress and anxiety level.
Of course if you're already seeing someone this advice is totally bunk, but I couldn't just read and run.. And as far as cycle issues due to underlying causes, your ob will best be able to help you there.. unfortunately & most likely (not definitely!) you would need the same kind of help to conceive as you did Henry. You are a very strong woman to have gone through all you have, and I will pray you recieved your miracle sooner than later(: xox
Me-24 DH-29
DD1 - born 02/08/2011
BFP 02/14/2013 - mc @ 5w6d
BFP 06/27/2014 due 03/08/2014!!

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