rant

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rant

Postby lisianthus » Mon Apr 04, 2016 11:45 am

Disclaimer: I'm in general a very nice and happy person. Just not today.

The wish to try for a "summer/winter/oktober/may/... baby". Such a sweet innocent wish. I don't even care when my baby will be born but the fact is, with ivf I don't even get the choice to at least TRY for a certain month. Oh, you wanted to try in April? Nah, not going to happen, your body needs to recover from a Big fat NEGATIVE. seriously?

I wanted to be a mom at 32. Now I'll be lucky if I'll be a mom at 35. I'll have to put up with the predjudice about "late" moms without me ever having had the intention to be one. I have nothing against late moms! It's awesome and fantastic whenever you have your child, but MY plan was differently (god having a good laugh right now).

Will I be able to have the natural/hypno/unmedicated birth I always envisioned? Time is not on my side here! I'll have to fight a lot of doctors to deliver to my wishes with 'advanced' maternal age. I could cry just thinking about it. This is so unfair.

I've become to hate my job. I didn't hate my job two years ago. women who get pregnant along the way never get into that predicament of hating their job. they get saved by the bell. I put so so so much effort into picking myself up again and again. I had to make peace with not just thinking in 9 month installments but truly engage with my job. Starting new projects with the intention of finishing them and not just hoping that in 2 months time I'll have "a baby ticket" in hand.

I'm sure there is more, but my rant is over for now.
april 2014 - start ttc #1
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may 2015 - mfi (low count, low motility)
nov 2015 - ivf stimming #1 - 18 eggs retrieved, 9 fertilized, 1 transferred, 7 frozen - bfp!
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jan 2016 - natural m/c at (8w5d)
mrch 2016 - medicated fet #1, bfn
apr 2016 - unmedicated fet #2, bfn
june 2016 - medicated fet #3, cancelled five days prior to transfer, (PGD results: none came back ok)

aug 2016 - IVF stimming #2
lisianthus
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