Ivf and explaining to older (tween)children

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Ivf and explaining to older (tween)children

Postby darcidee » Mon Dec 05, 2016 8:50 pm

Hi all,

I'm looking to find anyone who is currently in my shoes as Google is giving me nothing!!

I currently have an 11 year old daughter and am also starting my first round of IVF in a week. I'm just not sure how to explain all the injections, medications and crazy mood swings to her...

Is this something I should hide from her to protect her from getting hurt (that's a big topic for a tween!) or should I let her in on the secret so she understands what's happening.
darcidee
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Re: Ivf and explaining to older (tween)children

Postby Puddles-O-Cuddles » Tue Dec 06, 2016 10:23 am

Hey DarciDee!
I hope you don't mind me chiming in, as I'm not a parent yet, and can only imagine what having a tween AND doing IVF could be like...but to be honest, after I read your post, I couldn't help but imagine what that would be like, and thought you may not mind the viewpoint of someone on the outside looking in.
If so...keep reading : )
If it were me, I think it would all depend on my child, what kinds of conversations they had had already about "birds and bees" type stuff and perhaps even their level of interest...also, do they know that a sibling is in the works? Are they excited about it?
I think, especially because your 11yo is a girl, this may be a good time to relay some age-appropriate body stuff, and make it something special for her...like she's a part of it. Learning about ovulation, periods, cycles, etc could be an awesome piece if you think your daughter is ready for that...if not, then you could either really simplify it ("this medicine makes me make lots of eggs instead of just one at a time" etc) or skip the medical part all together if she seems disinterested, confused or overwhelmed.
But, if it were me, I would love to let my little girl in on what's going on for sure, with as much or as little detail as you're comfortable with and she's comfortable with...I think that an 11 year old could go either way...VERY interested, or completely disinterested. I know that I would have been stoked to 1. Be "in on" a grown up sort of secret and 2. Feel like I was watching a really cool science experiment that would hopefully yield a new baby.

That said...I'd also be prepared that the more your child knows, the more her friends, teachers and people close to her will probably know too :doh: and the train of information about IVF through an 11 year old could be awkward and/or hilarious when it gets back to you (I'm thinking a teacher questioning you about "the babies you have in the freezer" or "mom and dad making a baby with other people" etc.)

Regardless, I think it could be really special to involve your little girl at a time in her life when she could be especially receptive to it...and if she seems to be put off by it, I don't think that there is any harm done, unless she's really not happy about the idea of a baby coming...and if that's the case, you may want to put some energy into getting her on board with that first!

Good luck, and let us know how it goes!!
Me, 32; Mild Endo, cystic ovaries, wonky hormones
DH, 32; High count, low motility % and low morphology
TTC #1 since Summer '15

IUI with Clomid(100mg), Estridol - April 2016 - BFN
IVF/FET #1- July/August/September - 2 embryo transfer -
BFN with no frozen embryos left
IVF/FET #2- November/December - Single embryo transfer scheduled for Dec 21st!
5dpt BFP! Beta #1 9dpo: 39.9; Beta #2 12dpo 135!
m/c at 7 weeks.
FET#3 scheduled for March 14th
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Re: Ivf and explaining to older (tween)children

Postby Puddles-O-Cuddles » Wed Dec 07, 2016 9:14 am

Also, I just wanted to add that, after 2 rounds of IVF, The things you seem worried about may not be as big a concern as you're thinking they may be: the mood swings weren't so bad...I'd say I had 1 "minor meltdown" during each phase, which is more than average for me, but wasn't so completely crazy that friends and family were concerned.
Depending on your protocol, there aren't a huge amount of meds taking over your kitchen, bathroom or fridge...
Just as a professional aside too...I've worked for years as a phlebotomist and a dialysis tech...basically I stick people with needles a LOT. It's my experience that, regardless of how good or bad your kids are with shots or blood draws, I'd avoid exposing them to Watching your injections...it creates phobias and curiosities that aren't always healthy (of course, this is different if your child is the one who needs the injections like for insulin etc.) I'm not saying "hide" it...it just may be something you do in the bathroom with the door closed?
Me, 32; Mild Endo, cystic ovaries, wonky hormones
DH, 32; High count, low motility % and low morphology
TTC #1 since Summer '15

IUI with Clomid(100mg), Estridol - April 2016 - BFN
IVF/FET #1- July/August/September - 2 embryo transfer -
BFN with no frozen embryos left
IVF/FET #2- November/December - Single embryo transfer scheduled for Dec 21st!
5dpt BFP! Beta #1 9dpo: 39.9; Beta #2 12dpo 135!
m/c at 7 weeks.
FET#3 scheduled for March 14th
Puddles-O-Cuddles
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Posts: 320
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2016 3:15 pm

Re: Ivf and explaining to older (tween)children

Postby darcidee » Sat Dec 10, 2016 10:31 am

Thanks for the insight! I did end up telling her and she is not excited about possibly not being an only child anymore but is also excited to be in on the secret, as you mentioned!

I just picked up my injections yesterday and you're right.. There aren't thaaat many? I guess lol now to just work up the courage to actually use them tomorrow :( maybe not being able to dwell on it and having to do it quickly in the bathroom will help.

Here's hoping for a lucky month for us!
darcidee
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Re: Ivf and explaining to older (tween)children

Postby Puddles-O-Cuddles » Sat Dec 10, 2016 4:53 pm

All the best luck DarciDee! The first shot is the worst, and they get better from there. You'll do great! Keep us posted!
Me, 32; Mild Endo, cystic ovaries, wonky hormones
DH, 32; High count, low motility % and low morphology
TTC #1 since Summer '15

IUI with Clomid(100mg), Estridol - April 2016 - BFN
IVF/FET #1- July/August/September - 2 embryo transfer -
BFN with no frozen embryos left
IVF/FET #2- November/December - Single embryo transfer scheduled for Dec 21st!
5dpt BFP! Beta #1 9dpo: 39.9; Beta #2 12dpo 135!
m/c at 7 weeks.
FET#3 scheduled for March 14th
Puddles-O-Cuddles
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TTC Queen
 
Posts: 320
Joined: Sun Mar 06, 2016 3:15 pm

Re: Ivf and explaining to older (tween)children

Postby johnnyswifey » Thu Jan 05, 2017 7:58 pm

Hi Darci!! I was lurking and wanted to ask how is everything going with your IVF cycle??
Him- 31- PERFECT
Me- 30- Tubal (tubes removed 2012)
Angel babies 9-22-09, 10-12-16, 1-12-17

Starting Over- Feeling Excited!!
8/1/16: 10 frozen embies!!!
9/26/16: BFP!!!!!
9/30/16: BETA #1: 218
10/3/16: BETA #2: 322 then 404 then 534 then 1202
10/12/16: Dx with ectopic pregnancy (cornual) mtx given

STARTING FET AGAIN NOV 2016! 9 babies left!
*I DECLARE THAT ANYTHING I DECIDE TO DO IN MY LIFE WILL BE SUCCESSFUL!!!!*
12/19/16: BFP!!!
12/23/16: BETA- 186!!!
12/26/16: BETA- 531.7!!!!!!!! Almost tripled!
01/04/17: BETA- 11,790!!!!! :shock:
01/12/17: M/C!!!!! :shock: :shock: super sad!

FET #3- Third time's the charm!
4/20/17: BETA- 240!!!
4/24/17: BETA- 1,800!!!! Then 23,838!!! Then 45,445
5/11/17: Miscarried. My body has failed me yet again
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Re: Ivf and explaining to older (tween)children

Postby darcidee » Tue Jan 17, 2017 6:50 pm

So far so good... I'm being cautiously optimistic? I am on day 13 of the treatment with 7 follicles. Transfer is temporarily scheduled for Friday! Fingers are crossed
darcidee
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