New -- just need support

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New -- just need support

Postby sa1221 » Fri Oct 05, 2018 5:06 am

When my husband and I met, one of the things we absolutely knew we wanted was more children. I have three ages 20, 17, and 15, and he has 2 ages 10 and 7. I'm 37 and he's 35. We had no reason to think there'd be any "roadblock."

I was having mid-cycle spotting and cervial "twinges" in February/March of this year, and we thought my IUD had shifted (I've had that happen before). We were getting married in May and decided to just have it removed. When the gyn took the IUD out, clots came with it and I bled heavily. She couldn't see why, so recommended I schedule a pap and an ultrasound for a couple of weeks later to see if the arm had just casued trauma, or if there were something to be concerned about.

I had that pap at the end of April, and a 2 cm fibroid was found. No big deal. Thought all was well, until I got the call that the pap found abnomal cells and given my age, they wanted to do a colposcopy and biopsy. Did that a week later. At that appt the gyn was pretty confident it was low-grade changes and we'd be clear to start TTC.

No. Got a call 4 days before my wedding: CIN II and LEEP recommended. TTC would be delayed at least 3-4 month. I had the LEEP on May 23. My first round of repeat pap testing came back clear/normal in August, but my cycles since the LEEP had shortened and lightened. I was always an O on CD14, 14 day luteal, 5 day AF kind of gal, but knocked to O on CD 12, 12-13 day luteal, 2-3 day AF. He ordered an ultrasound, worried about cervical stenosis since I still have a great deal of cervical pain and pressure.

Probable uterine polyps. 2 1 cm growths visible. I need a hysteroscopy to confirm, but can't get in until the end of this month (scheduling). DH lost it when the doctor called and said he wasn't sure he wanted to even try since eveyrthing keeps going wrong and this is stressful when it shouldn't be. We had a huge, long talk....

DH and I decided world be darned, we'd try this month anyway. I do BBT chart...and my cycle returned to normal. We BD'd CD 12 and 13, I O'd on CD 14 with a clear temp rise, super sore dont-come-near-them breasts beginning 7dpo, morning nausea 8dpo until yesterday, temps higher than normal for me (and are still at that range). I thought this was really it. Tested with a FRER yesterday at 11dpo and got a BFN. And then today at 12dpo pink spotting, cervix low, firm, and starting to open, cramps....in other words here comes AF (due Sun or Mon, but probably coming early tomorrow, which means my luteal was only 12 days). Huge disappointment.

So...we aren't trying next cycle because of the hysteroscopy and I'm resigning myself to the fact that I will probably need polypectomy and we are going to be even further delayed.

I know others struggle much more and have been at it much longer, and the odds are that we will conceive within a year if there isn't a physical reason preventing it. My friends and family don't really know what's going on. I try not to talk to DH about it much because it stresses him and I'm afraid if it gets too stressful he'll just "pull the plug" on the whole operation. So...I've kept it to myself. I feel guilty, broken, and that it's really unfair. My body worked perfectly in my 20's and I got pregnant easily even though none of my children were planned. Now when we want to get pregnant...not cooperating and I can't give my husband something he wants...

Thank you very much if you've gotten this far. I just had to get all of that out.
sa1221
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Re: New -- just need support

Postby 7Mk1973 » Fri Oct 05, 2018 8:29 pm

I'm sorry you're having such trouble. Fx that you can get it fixed soon and get your bfp. If you feel it will stress your dh to talk, then by all means, please come here to unburden yourself. I'm part of a wonderful buddy group of ladies called 2019 baby hope buddy group, if you want to join us there, you are welcome. :hugs:
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Re: New -- just need support

Postby beckybenson » Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:06 am

Hello! Sorry to hear about your struggles. I know how hard it is for you. Secondary infertility is just as cruel. I want you to know that you are doing great. I'm here to support you. Don't give up girl! you have your own baby soon. If you need help with anything, like clinic recommendations or just advice, you know I'm here. Good luck.
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Re: New -- just need support

Postby beckybenson » Sat Nov 03, 2018 9:06 am

Hello! Sorry to hear about your struggles. I know how hard it is for you. Secondary infertility is just as cruel. I want you to know that you are doing great. I'm here to support you. Don't give up girl! you have your own baby soon. If you need help with anything, like clinic recommendations or just advice, you know I'm here. Good luck.
beckybenson
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Re: New -- just need support

Postby hannahdavid » Sun Nov 11, 2018 11:41 am

One of the best parts about this forum is that you can vent out. I know it can be a very difficult journey but you have to be very strong. Just stay positive and strong. The darkest phase in my life was when nothing was working for us. All the things we tried failed. The doctors told us that with the problem we were suffering the chances of anything to work were very low. I remember there came a time when I actually stopped hoping. We recently, however, have started visiting another clinic. This time we researched properly about the clinic and the doctors. I guess it changed things for us. For the first time I heard after several years that there was hope. There was a huge smile on my face on hearing these words. We are going to be starting the process. I am really excited about everything. Hoping for the best.
-Low AMH and High FSH
-Poor Ovarian Reserve
-5 IUIs (failed)
-1 IVF (failed)
Life is a total mess
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