Nervous and anxious to be a 1st time mom - help

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Nervous and anxious to be a 1st time mom - help

Postby WishfulThinkingMary » Wed Mar 13, 2013 9:56 am

We talked about TTC for 8 months after getting married last spring, and on our second month of trying, i got my BFP. I have wanted this for so long, prayed so hard about it, and finally, it happened! Now, as the idea of having a baby settles in (i am a first timer), I am feeling very anxious and nervous... like "can I actually do this?!" and "did we make the right decision" and "what if I am not good at this" and "am i really ready for this huge life step?!"... just feeling very overwhelmed with emotions and feelings of discomfort. I am wondering if this is normal for 1st time pregnant moms?? Or if it is hormonal? I have a history of anxiety and panic attacks, and dont want those emotions / feelings to start again as I know how terrible it can be to deal with WITHOUT being pregnant. I guess I am looking for some comforting words from any women who have been through this, how they overcame it, and that they got through it alive and with peace and calm in the end. I am trying to stay as calm and relaxed as possible for the sake of the baby, but I am just feeling so nervous... any help or words of wisdom is appreciated.
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Re: Nervous and anxious to be a 1st time mom - help

Postby applemama » Thu Mar 14, 2013 7:14 am

Hi there, let me just say what you are feeling is perfectly normal. No one said being a mom was all happiness and certainty. In fact much of it is wondering and worrying. I can tell you are going to be a good mother already because you seem to have concern for your child's future. You are allowed to feel happy AND anxious about this pregnancy, and whatever other feelings you have. When I was pregnant with my son I was a ball of mixed emotions, but mostly I was depressed. I had bad morning sickness and I wondered if we could really afford having a child and if I would be a good mom. It didn't matter that I worked with infants everyday and I was confident and happy in my job, suddenly it was totally different now that I was going to have my own child. The first trimester though, is the hardest in this way. It's when everything just begins to sink in and there are so many new things going on inside your body all at the same time and so many things to think of, it's a big weight on your shoulders. I think much of it is hormonal too. I bet you will feel a lot better next trimester. Hopefully you have a supportive partner and/ or family because that helps a lot. I have anxiety myself and I was able to get through my pregnancy fine and the birth was hard but amazing. It was not scary, it was very exciting. Congratulations and keep your chin up, motherhood starts now, its an amazing journey but very rewarding and I bet you will do an awesome job! If you ever want to talk- pm me, I'll be happy to listen! Relax and enjoy. Best of luck!
Me-31 DH-32 DS-4/24/09
BFP 7/1/13 - 7th cycle

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Re: Nervous and anxious to be a 1st time mom - help

Postby rockyraccoon » Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:08 am

I was really nervous when I found out I was pregnant with my son, about three years ago. I was 19 years old, living in student housing with my boyfriend. We were scared and broke. I thought there was no way I could do this. There was no way I could be a good mom especially not at this point in my life. I was worried about every little detail and how much this was going to change my life.

Flash forward three years, I have a happy and healthy 2 1/2 year old and I'm pretty sure I'm a good mom. He thinks so anyways :) I couldn't think what my life would be like if I hadn't received this HUGE surprise. I'm not with my son's father anymore, we split before our son was a year old. But that doesn't change how I feel about my baby or the way my life has gone. I'm very happy where I am.

What I'm saying is that you can stress about the details all day, but life can't be controlled. You just need to relax and know you're going to love your baby and be the best you can be. After that, everything comes easy.
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Re: Nervous and anxious to be a 1st time mom - help

Postby WishfulThinkingMary » Thu Mar 14, 2013 10:47 am

Thank you both SO much for your kind and comforting words. You have no idea how grateful I am to know that I am not alone in this and it is all "normal". Each moment that passes, i think i am going to get more used to the idea and it will feel more natural. I think you are right in that a lot of this has to do with hormones because I feel as though I could cry at the drop of a hat (not normal for me)...

Applemama - you are exactly right with your words "feel the weight of the world on your shoulders" - because it does feel like a lot of pressure all at once. Like you are supposed to be this perfect wife, supermom and do everything perfectly right from the start. There is almost a feeling of guilt if you are not elated and glowing and excited every moment of the day... i am nervous that if i am not perfect then everyone is going to think i am a failure or am doing it "wrong" - but honestly, who cares right?!

Rocky - You are right in that life cannot be controlled. I am definitely a "control freak" and like I said above, i try so hard to make sure everything is perfect. I put a lot of pressure on myself and feel that now! I need to let go of that mentality and let life happen. If i mess up, so be it, no one is perfect, right? I need to relinquish some control over what is going on and just embrace these changes...

Thank you ladies for your support I really do appreciate it. One day at a time....
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Re: Nervous and anxious to be a 1st time mom - help

Postby LilliansMama25 » Fri Mar 15, 2013 2:44 pm

First off-- congrats!!!! What you are feeling is 100% normal. Having a child is a huge, life-changing event and I think almost every new mom-to-be feels this way. When I got pregnant with my daughter, I was 23, a senior in college, and we were not yet married. A little over 2 years later and having my daughter was one of the best things that has happened in my life. At first I felt panicked, unsure, scared, etc but now I know I was meant to have her at that time. Otherwise I probably would have waited until I was a lot older. I love being a young(er) mom. Life does change pretty dramatically after you have a baby but its not like anyone wants to be going out to the bars every weekend when they start getting older anyway. :wink:
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