Dream a second dream - secondary infertility support

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Dream a second dream - secondary infertility support

Postby aaronsmummy » Sun Mar 11, 2012 9:04 am

If you are worried about secondary infertility...this is the place to come!

introduce yourselves here...

name: Emily
time TTC#2: 10 months and counting
losses? 2 miscarriages (details in signature)
medical/other concerns: recurrent miscarriages. recurrent bladder infections currently being investigated as possible cause, appointment made to see urologist 28th march. may need cystoscopy to explore the issue further.

i know i am young but this is no consolation to me here so far. i need others to talk to who are going through the same situation. my son will make a great big-brother...i hope he gets the chance someday soon!!

i am aware my situation does not neccessarily mean i am 'infertile' but if i have another loss i worry how seriously the doctors will take it (there aren't many reproductive/fertility specialists here where i live in africa and help can get v.expensive)

currently i'm still recovering from miscarriage, NTNP...the 'trying for a year' mark is approaching us fast...

ladies - feel free to jump in and join the group!! xx
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Postby lovebabytime » Sun Mar 11, 2012 1:35 pm

Thank you Emily for starting this group!!

My name is Rachel, been TTCing since August of 2010. I have one DD that is 4, and one chemical pregnancy in Jan of 2011. Went to our first RE appt last week and he found two fibroids. One that is submoucsal and another that is not. He believes the fibroids are causing my spotting. On CD1 I will start BC then go in for a HSG. Then he plans on scheduling surgery to remove the fibroids. I also have a cyst on my right ovary. Looks like we will not ne able to TTCing for a few months, which I am down about. But I hope we are on the right road now. Oh and I'm 32 and counting!! Lol!! I can hear my clock ticking oh so loudly!!!
Me: 34 DH: 36
Together since 1997, Married in July 2003
DD born 10/23/07
TTC#2 since July 2010
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Postby Lisana » Sun Mar 11, 2012 7:23 pm

Hi everyone - Emily, thank you for starting this group! And so sorry about your miscarriages. ):

I am Lisa and have a 3 1/2 year old daughter. We have been trying for number 2 for 11 months and counting. I am now 35 (was 34 when we started trying) so the clock is ticking. ): I've been to an RE - had an HSG, hysterosonogram (they found and removed one polyp), all the blood tests, and my husband had an SA. All came up clear. We also tried 3 IUI's which all ended up BFN. I'm officially diagnosed unexplained secondary infertility. The unexplained part being the most frustrating! Now RE is pushing for IVF, but my insurance covers nothing... and since I've already had one child and we have no problems, it seems so excessive! (And we can't afford it, either.)

How do you all deal with the "in between" of secondary infertility? Being grateful for having the one (or two or whatever) child but still wanting more? And everywhere it seems people asking when are we going to give our daughter a sibling, or talking about how only children are spoiled, etc. etc. It is just so frustrating when I watch everyone around me having "accidental" pregnancies! Like "oops! I didn't mean to have another so soon!" "It's so tough having 2 under 2, but oh well! Hee hee." Sigh. Sometimes I just need to vent. :)
Me: 34, Husband: 36<br />One daughter born 10/16/08<br />TTC#2 since April 2011<br />
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Postby aaronsmummy » Mon Mar 12, 2012 2:05 am

rachel, lisa - hi and welcome!

rachel - i've been looking into fibroids (i research WAY too much about this!) do you think if i had them they'd have shown on all my ultrasounds? (when the doc did follow up from my miscarriages) i also HATE the thought of taking a TTC break as my son gets older and older but was recommended 6 monts break!! i think its ridiculous, he said for 'emotional and physical recovery' but i am ready to move on with my life. i am so sad about what happened but after our last m/c it took us 4 months to concieve again and waiting each of those months for our BFP was hard enough let alone it all being in vein when we lost the pregnancy. if you do the maths and we DID wait 6 months then took another 4 to concieve you have a total of 10 months...what if we then miscarried again?? honestly the waiting is NOT for us so we are just NTNP (not trying not preventing) until my exams are over in may/june then maybe starting a more aggressive approach if we still have no luck like OPKs. never used/needed them before but like i say we are getting pretty fed up so that may be an option! hope that you have some good results and get off your break ASAP with the all-clear - keep us posted on any developments!

lisa - how frustrating not having an explanation! at least you've had some tests done and some things can be dis-counted. i don't know whether or not i want to find a problem with the cystoscopy which is on the cards...if they do i hope its treatable!! if they don't it will all remain a mystery and the best i can hope is that the bladder infections WERE the cause of the miscarriages and with them under control for now that i may be able to carry a pregnancy past the 1st trimester again...

i deal with my feelings of wanting a sibling for my son this way - i put myself in my mom's shoes. we were/are a family of four. i KNOW for sure she didn't decide to have my brother because she didn't love or appreciate me as an only child. i like to think she made the decision so i wouldn't be lonely at home and have someone to share life with. i am still VERY close to my brother - there are two years between us, he's younger. do you two have siblings yourselves? this special bond is what i want so much for my son, also if he has no sibling HIS children will never have cousins. its just things like that which make me think this is SO important...i feel like i'm failing him :(

the money struggle is annoying too i'm sure we will have to pay the urologist for all these cystoscopy investigations as we just moved to a lower coverage plan (we just took over our medical aid payments from DH's mom who used to pay for us)

i need to vent also, thats why i'm writing so much :wink:

i also know some of the feelings you're both going through oh so well! from reading what we started on the other thread i can say even my mom makes me crazy talking about this sometimes and i don't think takes me seriously on this one...because of my son she just assumes everything will be fine and 'oh well' there have been losses but we'll come right someday. i hate that attitude!! i need her to acknowledge that we're struggling and maybe take a look at some of our circumstances...

i worry about the doctors here being able to investigate my concerns. what if the emergency C-section with my son caused uterine adhesions from the scar tissue?? i wonder if the ultrasound machine can pick up on such things or if i should try to find an OBGYN to talk to who is a little more knowledgable on the subject. (again we can't really afford that)

i know all about being asked 'so when's the next one on the cards' too and it drives me crazy. i think because of my age people just assume we can just get busy and *poof* a baby will appear. things clearly aren't so simple for everyone and the stereotyping that young couples will have it easy is waaay off the mark in our case. i have friends (2 actually and both called emily ironically) who i went to school with posting facebook pictures about their ultrasounds...the one posted her pee-stick on facebook and wrote about it at 4 weeks, i was thinking shes mad - would you really want the world to know if you had a miscarriage?? needless to say this was so long ago now the one friend just gave birth already. BOTH their second children, i wonder - why me??

even if i get a BFP i am now terrified of another loss...they've been the worst life experiences EVER and i certainly had to dig up all the courage and strength in the world to stay strong. even so obviously i have my breakdown days!!

glad that i have some understanding ears for now while we continue in this 'limbo' situation of uncertainty...

:babydustg: to us all! x
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Postby Rubyru » Sat Mar 17, 2012 2:11 pm

Emily - I just realised your son in 2 days older than dd2. We have been ntnp since dd2 was born and despite my cycles being more settled than they have been in a decade and appearing to have ovulated more in the lastyear than in the previous 7 years added together all I have managed have been the odd feint/imaginary bfp followed by AF and a m/c I am still waiting for the end of. Actually pretty positive dh and I are no longer on the same page ttc wise and my ttc journey may soon come to a premature end :(
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Postby MaybeLater » Sat Mar 17, 2012 3:00 pm

Hi everyone! Sorry I am on my phone and cannot properly introduce myself but I would love to join this group! As you can see in my siggy we've been trying a long time for #2
Me(Shan): 26
DH: 27
DD: 5
DS1: Born 1/21/13
DS2: Born 1/23/14

:angel: at 15w1d in Jan 2010
:angel: at 10w in March 2011
:angel: at 4w in June 2011

March '12: SHG- All Clear!
April '12: HSG- Clear!

Clomid Cycle 6: Break- 5/26/12- Surprise :bfp:!

Surprise :bfp: 6/25/13!
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Postby Lisana » Sat Mar 17, 2012 6:09 pm

Hi again everyone -
Emily, thanks for sharing your story. I can't imagine how difficult miscarriages must be (and to the others of you who have experienced them, too.) It sounds like further testing by an OB/GYN would be a good idea if you could afford it - does Africa have any organizations like Planned Parenthood or free clinics like we do here? (in the States.)

I do know, in two cases of friends who had multiple miscarriages - that it turned out to be a thyroid problem. Can you get your levels checked? (if you haven't already.)

In answer to your question, I do have one brother - 5 years younger than me. We played together when we were little and then went our separate ways when I was in high school and college (due to the age difference and the gender difference, I think.) But now, we are quite close, talk all the time, and even started a business together. And yes, I think that is the main reason I want a second child - so that my daughter can experience the love of a sibling. It just makes me sad when I hear her playing by herself in her room, and I wish there was someone there for her. (Which I know is silly, as she's perfectly happy playing by herself!)

One thing about my brother that has helped is the fact that we were still close even with a 5 year age difference. I know, for me, that I wanted children closer in age, but even if I got pregnant this month, my two would be 4 years apart. It's been hard to get over the "wanting two close in age thing" but obviously there is nothing I can do about it. Anyone else feel this way?
Me: 34, Husband: 36<br />One daughter born 10/16/08<br />TTC#2 since April 2011<br />
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Postby aaronsmummy » Sun Mar 18, 2012 2:58 am

hi again guys! so nice the group has finally taken off!

lisa - sadly the free 'state' clinics and hospitals are more likely to give you an infection than cure you! we're ok with private for now but i do worry about the future...obviously, i think we all do!! the first miscarriage was blighted ovum so i'm starting to have some hope that the two were un-related. only time will tell, i'm wishing so hard for a sticky baby next time!! thanks for sharing about your brother, the relationship does change over time but i think ours has also ended up stronger now we're older and over the 'teenage' attitude problems lol age brings perspective!

we were hoping for a 3 year age gap but hubby changed his mind and we ended up trying earlier, just as well really, we NEVER expected it to be so hard! can't help but wishing we tried even earlier but hey - what's done is done. my best friend is 35 and ALL her 3 kids have a 4 year age gap, she's expecting the last in july. it helps to see her children have a good relationship...age stops mattering at a certain point i think, especially after the baby phase when they can chat etc regardless of the intellectual differences. another example is she is my best friend in the world and she's 35, 12 years between us and honestly i don't EVER feel it, i try to bear things like that in mind but its hard to have patience! just i dreamed of a 2 year age gap like me and my brother but hubby wasn't ready so soon, so i let him decide. its things like family games that i worry about with larger age gaps as monopoly etc (or any family games) would be boring for one party or another, if the game was a 'junior' version the older child might be bored. maybe i'm being silly and idealistic but its the dream!!

ruby - nice of you to join us! i hope this isn't the end for you...you've come so far and really deserve this! are you going to bring up TTC again after the bleeding stops?

shan - welcome! you are welcome to come and vent your frustrations here...we're all in need of this i think!

as for me - sadly nothing to report cycle-wise. i'm not tracking anythig this post-miscarriage cycle and we aren't planning on tracking if we can help it. just NTNP at the moment still...but i doubt i'll fall pregnant so soon based on my last experience (it took us 4 months NTNP after the last m/c)

:babydustg: ladies...xx
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Postby Rubyru » Sun Mar 18, 2012 3:28 am

Emily - I want to bring up ttc again, but dh does not get it at all. We were talking last night about my cousin have 3 children in very quick succession and he joked, well at least you are not pregnant in a congratulatory type of way. I pulled him up on it, but he did not see at 1st how insensitive it was, I think he had all but forgotten what I am going through. Right after he decided he wanted a vasectomy I got my previous AF and he actually said Congratulations you are not pregnant! Again thinking nothing off it despite I having been ntnp for quite some time. We seem to want opposite things, how can we ever ttc again :cry:

Obviously I am still here wanting to try again, so I will have to brave the conversation when I am feeling stronger, but it is too raw and emotional right now.
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Postby aaronsmummy » Sun Mar 18, 2012 3:40 am

shame ruby - they really don't get it with the miscarriage thing! our bodies are the 'affected' ones. i asked my DH if he's going to give up drinking with me (when i fell pregnant) and he laughed like it was a joke...i don't know what i was hoping for. he smokes (granted, not in the house he goes out onto the balcony) he drinks he just does whatever he wants. i feel so restricted not only by TTC but being a full-time mom/student as i can't just go out for a drink with friends because HE is out most nights - ok not getting wasted - but the guys always have a beer after work. i can't do a lot really because i have to work when my son gets babysat and make the most of that precious time for my studies.

i've all but given up on taking the pre-natal vitamins now and drinking de-caf etc...i think what's the point?? it didn't do me any good being such a 'good' girl with the pregnancies and before, and i STILL lost them. i've decided just to drink if i want one here or there and live my life like normal again, it feels like all the being careful was all for nothing. :( x
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Postby kubiac » Wed Apr 04, 2012 1:19 pm

So glad you started this group! We've been trying to conceive #2 since July. My son turned 2 on Friday, and I'd love to make a sibling for him sooner rather than later. Just registered for a doc appointment to see if something explicit is wrong. And after his birthday party on Saturday, I am totally going to the African market on Saturday to buy real yams, just in case that helps!

Thank you all for being a sympathetic ear.
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Postby aaronsmummy » Thu Apr 05, 2012 12:39 am

welcome kubiac! :D good luck with your appointment, when are you going in? are you seeing a specialist or just your family doc? keep us posted!!

and what's the buzz around yams?? interesting you can get them at the african market and here i am living in africa and we can't buy them locally!

i see my OBGYN on tuesday...wish me luck!

and how are our other ladies? xxx
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Postby Rubyru » Fri Apr 06, 2012 11:20 am

AM - there is an African tribe that have the highest natural multiple birth rate by quite a margin and it is put down to the yams they eat. White yams I believe.
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Postby aaronsmummy » Fri Apr 06, 2012 3:15 pm

interesting factoid! i do remember hearing that in england now come to think of it...not heard anything whilst living here though!

they could just have a genetic predisposition for hyperstimulated ovaries of course, difficult to solve the nature nurture conundrum!!

how you doing ruby?? just got my first period post-miscarriage myself, am excited to try again!! xxx
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Postby lightwithin » Sat Apr 07, 2012 10:29 am

Hello Everyone, Im not sure what is going on with my fertility. I have 2 wonderful boys 12 and 8 from a previous marriage. DH had a vasectomy before we were married, we had it reversed last June (2010) His SA is great but ever since i turned 30 my periods have been off.
Heavy thick bleeding (sorry tmi) irregular 23-33 days and super painful cramps. I have always had folicular cysts since i was 14/15 but didn't have any problem conceiving my boys.
Last November i went to the hormone replacement center to try and balance things out. I feel fantastic but now my periods are even farther apart and i don't know if i am ovulating or not. I stopped with the temp and opks in December bc i was just to sad and anxious all the time. Im thinking about using the opks again next cycle.
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