Trying to Conceive Forum

by **AlishaAnn** » Mon May 07, 2012 7:30 am

I am officially throwing in the towel. It was this month 2 years ago when we found out we were pregnant and I was so excited we had been trying for over a year. We had a miscarriage in July 2010. I was hurt and very much sad but to me there was a little bit of a silver linning because at least we "could" get pregnant. Everyone aound me said it will be easier to get pregnant now. Well they were wrong. I have peed on so many sticks I could probably build a house out of them. I have seen so many BFN and had so many "this has got to be it months" which have only led to disappointment. I have driven my husband crazy talking about ovulation test, temperatures, cervix, sperm, cm, cp, and scheduling sex. With all of that sex has become more of a science experiment than anything else. Its hard to even enjoy anymore.
And now my sister in law who is my only girlfriend has decided that they are now going to try for another baby. This is the same girl that lost her v and got pregnant and the same one who never wanted kids. While I am as happy as I can be for her I am having a really hard time. We would talk about it and she says she is nervous it isnt going to happen the first month and I am like yeah I know the feeling. She is already like you can take me to all my appointments and throw my baby shower. I know I should be like YAY how fun which I do say to her but my heart hurts so bad. At one point she mentioned to me that her husband was worried about having a baby because of me. While I understand the intentions were good that sucks to hear. I have to go into the planning of someone elses baby because I am having a hard time having one. This coming from the same guy who told me he was glad that they had their baby young. I was like yeah thanks...
Really trying to come to the conclusion.....So for the sake of my sanity I am giving up. I find it important to mention that while we arent like "struggling" money wise we are definitly not wealthy. We cant afford other options. I want to be happy again I want to smile when I see a baby or a pregant women instead of it breaking my heart and making it hard to breathe. I want to have sex with my husband for the intimacy instead of his sperm. I want the jealousy and bitterness to go away. But most of all I want this gut wrenching heartbreak to go away.

I had posted this in another place but decided i should have posted it here.