Trying to Conceive Forum

by **kelliwb** » Thu Aug 09, 2012 6:10 pm

Hi, I'm 26, my DH is 30 and we're TTC our first. WOW, I did not have any idea how emotionally draining it could be. I'm only on my second attempt but every time I see a pregnant woman it makes me wanna cry. None of my friends are quite ready to start trying and I haven't told anyone I've started TTC because I don't want any added pressure. I don't really have anyone to relate to right now, and I could use some encouragement. Can anyone give any advice on how they got through the TWW? Its absolutely maddening.

by **babysoonplease** » Fri Aug 10, 2012 9:29 am

I felt the EXACT same way. When we started ttc, everywhere around me were pregnant women or women who just had babies. My DH was really good at telling me every time I freaked out that we would never have kids (it took us about 6 months) that it would happen and that our time would come. He was the only one I liked hearing that from. Most of the time it brought me back to reality and away from the "what-if's". What also comforted me was focusing on stories of couples who had to wait a bit. It's the minority who get preggers right away. Most take 6 months to a year. :-) Also, try not to symptom spot. The last few cycles before our bfp, I just told myself I was prepared to "see red" and then I didn't cry quite so hard when AF came. I also tried to me more focused on the blessings in my life- even "silly" ones- even if I could only focus on one a day. It helped clear my head sometimes. Hope this helps...fingers crossed for a bfp for you very soon!

by **kelliwb** » Fri Aug 10, 2012 12:00 pm

Babysoonplease,

Thanks so much for your advice. It's nice to hear about someone who was in the same boat. Sometimes it seems like most stories are from ppl who got pregnant right away or in a yr or so with little inbetween. I really do need to stop symptom spotting because every little change in my body registers as, "omg am I prego?!" and it just stresses me out more. It seems selfish of me to be so upset when I am just beginning the TTC phase, so I need to start letting go of trying to control everything-maybe I should get a hobby haha

Congratulations on you BFP!!!!

by **babysoonplease** » Fri Aug 10, 2012 1:49 pm

Of course! It really is comforting to swap shared experiences of something as emotional as ttc. :-) I don't think you are being selfish at all. It's not good to dwell on anything really, but your feelings are not selfish. Letting go of control is a big thing though, and something I really struggled with during our ttc journey. I can't say I let up a ton- but- when I focused more on my husband instead of getting pregnant, I felt so much better. Also, I don't know if this is what did it or not, but we tried the SMEP (sprem meets egg plan) the cycle we conceived. You bd every other day from when your period stops to the two days before ovualation. Then you bd two days before, one day before, and the day of, then every other day for the rest of your cycle- or however long you wish after O. The biggest part is the three days over ovulation...anyway, that's my two cents. ;-)

And thank you for the congrats!!

by **kelliwb** » Tue Aug 14, 2012 8:41 am

I've read a lot about the sperm meets egg plan, but unfortunately my husband is a consultant and that means he's out of town Mon-Fri morning. We are working with a really tiny window so its more impt than ever for me to be patient. I've been trying to avoid all the baby websites and trying (and failing haha) to avoid symptom checking because the 20th is when AF is due. Thanks again for your story, it really helps!

by **TTCHamsterBaby1** » Wed Aug 15, 2012 2:20 pm

I could use some TTC Buddies.
I am 22 DH 25 and we have been TTC for 22 Months! :roll:

and well seems like I have been Trying longer than anyone on this forum and I WANT TO BAWL just seeing that you girls are still within the 1st year. ON AVERAGE you shouldnt start to worry unless you are past 6 months of Trying. then thats when you could see a DR. most Dr.s wont put you on anything until you have at least tried for 12 Months.
I AM HEALTHY! I was a depo user from ages 17-20 and i have been off Depo now for 2 years and 3 months. and my Body for some reason has not kicked back into Baby Making Gear. I am on Fertilaid for Women and Hubby is on it as well For Men

1 time · by **lady_lizzie1119** » Thu Sep 06, 2012 7:42 pm

@kelliwb its so comforting to meet someone experiencing similar things as I am. I am also brand new to this and haven't been trying that long and DH has a job that takes him away for a lot of the summer so we also work in a tiny frame. That in itself is frustrating! Wondering will he be home in time to catch this one? Is it even possible for this to be our month? And symptom spotting just makes it that much harder

my heart goes out to you but I definitely agree with babysoonplease. Forcing yourself to focus on your life and husband makes it a little easier. But believe me I am still within the clutches of obsessing. And its only my 3rd month!!! And we're taking a break because dh wants to plan it so the baby won't be born during the summer. Sigh. Also we haven't told anyone either about ttc because we're also afraid of the pressure and our ages.

Which leads me to:

@ttchamsterbaby1 I am relieved to know that I am not the only 20 year old trying. I am so so sorry about your complications though!! I can't even imagine what you're going through. How frustrating and heartbreaking. You're much stronger than I could ever hope to be.

by **kelliwb** » Sun Sep 09, 2012 1:58 pm

ttchamsterbaby1- I'm so sorry about your trials with this. Depo seems like it really stays in your system for so long!! I was on it from 20-22 and it took me over a year and a half to get back to a regular cycle. It must be so disheartening to have to be disappointed every month and feel like you are not getting anywhere. I know I have gotten only the smallest of tastes, but it was a real eye opener.

lady_lizzie- Is it not so frustrating to feel like when you BD is out of your control? I always look at the ovulation calculators and I'm like, well I guess this month will probably be a no go as my husband is gone throughout the whole week. I recently started working and it has luckily consumed a lot of my time that I would have spent obsessing. I have to trust that there is nothing wrong for the time being, and if after 9-12 mos I havent gotten pregnant, then I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. We also debating holding off on TTC for right now because we will be moving in the summer next year, but ultimately decided that we can make it work if we have to because I feel like there is never a convenient, perfect time to have a baby. Its my 3rd month TTC too! Way more stressful than you ever thought it would be, isnt it? so much for our parents/teachers warning us we'd get pregnant the first time we have sex! As far as not telling anyone, I feel like its nice to have no one asking you, but its hard not giving yourself people to talk to. Hopefully your DH is supportive, and I hope you can get back to TTCing soon.

Baby dust to the both of you!

1 time · by **lady_lizzie1119** » Mon Sep 10, 2012 2:31 pm

I forgot to add a congrats to babysoonplease! Lucky duck!!!!!

Kelliwb: its a yucky feeling to have to time bd and try to force it into your control ya know because you want to time it right but you also want it to be spontaneous and enjoyable. Which not saying that an excuse to bd more often ISN'T enjoyable it just takes a lot of heart and passion out of it for me personally. DH is effing amazing though. Got really lucky when I found him. Soothes me when I fall apart, encourages me when I get disheartened, makes me laugh when all I wanna do is cry and hugs me when I start to feel so alone. Pluuus he loves kids, loves reading, cooks like a five star chef and cleans a lot. Hit the jackpot haha

And seriously! What's up with that? It's so much harder getting pregnant with a way more limited window than teachers make it seem -.- I feel I've been lied to lol

Yeah DH and I agreed that we'll stop actively ttc but if it happens then it happens during out not-really-a-break break. He just would rather not have to get helicoptered in from the mountains because I end up giving birth in the summer months haha

I'm glad you've got a little something though to ease the questions and keep it out of focus for you. That helps so much. I started crocheting christmas gifts already so I would have something OTHER than ttc to obses over.