You are not the only one...
I feel so conflicted on this. The last few months I've made no effort regarding TTC. I was trying to not think about it much. That changed when I felt a lump in my breast and have had to have some tests done. They gave me a pregnancy test which made me feel reeeallyyy bitter. I tried to tell them that it wasnt necessary but they insisted. (As for the other tests, thankfully the radiologist didnt see anything) but while I was waiting on results I just kept playing through worst case scenarios, never being able to have kids because of radiation therapy or something. Part of me was glad that if I was sick I wouldnt leave any kids behind....
Then I'm watching TV tonight and some couple just had a baby and their are oohing and ahhing all over it and I start crying. God, it just never ends.
I'm trying to move on with my life, this website is the only thing I still havent let go. I quit my monitor, opks, natural family planning, all that crap. It's hard to let go of your dreams though, I may go on birth control at my next ob appointment, even if it is a waste of money. It would just be a symbolic gesture of moving on with my life. That and antidepressants might help.
-Me: 28 DH: 30. Started with NTNP in 2005, actively TTC since September 2008.
-3 rounds of Clomid in 2009= BFN
-DH SA 9/24/10. Normal count,low motility, morphology and volume.
-HSG: All clear!
No longer actively TTC.