Early Pregnancy Symptoms and Big Fat Positives
2 years TTC with Endo
I knew I had endo, even though I had never been diagnosed. My mom had it and didn't know when she conceived with me, but took 6 years to get me a little sister because of it! My periods had been getting worse over the first year of my marriage, I was taking a sick day a month with what I called "the groans". Nothing but writhing on the bed groaning would do much for me, even my prescribed naproxen!
So I cheated a little and told my doctor that we had been ttc for a full year (it had been 8 months), because in order to get a referral to an OB/GYN it had to be a year of unsuccessful trying. After a few MORE months they did a lap. with dye injection and confirmed the endo (stage 1, so I thought I was in the clear!), and she sent me home with a story of another girl she did at the same time as me who got pregnant the next month! This did the opposite of give me hope - just one more person that could get pregnant meant that I was more and more likely the one in ten with infertility.
My husband (who does EVERYTHING better than most) had extremely off the charts numbers for count and a great morphology percentage (even though the sample was late and we didn't follow the instructions and wait 2 days), so luckily we weren't dealing with that too! If any could do it, dh swimmers could!
After a few more months went to OB again and was told nothing more could to done, would have to go to a fertility doctor. I finally lost it. I had been expecting problems because of my mom's history, and I was certain I had endo, but I mean it was ONLY stage ONE right?!?!?!
Wrong. Yes it was stage one. After I saw the fertility doc, he informed me that stage one and two sometimes present further obstacles because its rarely a physical blockage (especially after the dye injection), and more often a way too complicated immune response to ovulation that they don't understand (and therefore can't help).
Waited 3 more months to figure out if we should try IUI (doc's suggestion), or go straight for invitro.
Went back to doc to say we were ready to start with IUI but saw a different doctor instead. He told us basically with our history not to bother with IUI, that it would be a waste of money and to go straight to invitro. We left the office and I bawled uncontrollably at Starbucks, and we decided to go back to the first doctor, who was, after all, an endo specialist and ask him to give it to us straight. He told us to start with IUI the following month.
Somehow in all this I had lost track of my cycle, and found that I was on CD35 (nothing to give a red flag, at this point it was fairly common for me), the day before dh was supposed to go in again for another test to get ready for the next cycle to start IUI.
DH came home and I begged a nap, and I thought I might as well POAS the next morning so long as I wasn't bleeding (what was one more in the hundreds I had taken?) before he got up at 5am to get tested before going to work. BFP the next morning, shocked! It was an internet cheapie so no instructions (you'd think I would know by now, but I had never seen one with TWO lines before!), so we had to run to the store and wait for it to open at 6am to get a $10 test to validate the result!
So all told, it took us 2 years, thank God no fertility tx, but blessed to have followed the pg through the first trimester with regular ultrasounds with my fertility doc. We have a 22 month old beautiful most amazing girl, and I feel truly truly blessed.
The month we conceived and I was bawling at a coffee shop (already pg, just didn't know it, no wonder I was so emotional!), I begged God not to make me go through this another month, and that all I wanted was ONE. That even my Mom couldn't understand because she had me before she had problems ttc. We had a miscarriage last year (had a bad feeling whole first trimester, miscarried at 12 weeks exactly), but I think it was God's way of telling us not to worry this time, that it COULD happen again. Heartbroken as I was, it was hopeful that we got pregnant after only 6 months of trying the second time! I think I needed this because I never knew that I would mistrust my body to this extent, to not be able to do what seemingly ALL other women on earth could do - get pregnant.
I never imagined that I would walk into a waiting room at a fertility clinic with a 10 month old and know EXACTLY what those people are feeling, and that bringing my baby was rubbing not salt but arsenic into their open wounds, and are moved to tears with sympathy for what they are going through. Who knew I would feel guilty once we finally succeeded?
I can honestly say though, that as much as we want a big family (thinking 5 before all this started!), I am truly happy with our family of 3, and even though I still live the reality of the TWW, its nothing compared with what I went through trying the first time.
DH and I are convinced that the ones that take the longest to get here are the most specially chosen ones, and that those parents that had to FIGHT to get one here KNOW the blessings that they have. I believe this makes us all better parents as a group, and that our children are lucky to know that they were DEFINITELY wanted :) It’s a joy to raise my little blessing each day, and I will always think of her that way, she IS my gift from God. Having a child has opened my heart in ways I could never imagine.