Early Pregnancy Symptoms and Big Fat Positives
Unplanned BFP after infertility — when the time was right!
I used to be obsessed with this site and all things TTC. Like so many of you, I spent every month hoping and praying for those two little pink lines, only to be disappointed again and again! Now I’m almost 14 weeks along with this little one, and couldn’t be happier that it happened when it did (and not earlier). My story is perhaps a little unusual, but hopefully reading it helps a mama or two out there! I married my high school sweetheart in December of 2016. We had always had an on-again, off-again relationship, and when we announced our elopement, it was received with mixed emotions (everything from, “Finally!!” To, “Oh, um...really?”). Anyway, I had been on various types of hormonal birth control since we started dating in 2009 (various Pills and Nuva Ring), and decided to come off right before we got married. I thought it might take my body a little while to adjust, especially since I started my period late and didn’t yet have regular cycles at all when I started birth control at age 16. For the next year and a half, my cycles were very long, irregular, technically classified as ‘absent’. I gained weight—somewhere between 15-20 pounds— despite my very healthy vegetarian diet, regular exercise routine and overall active lifestyle. I struggled with depression and wondered what was wrong with me! We actually conceived the first month I was off the Pill, but lost that pregnancy just before 5 weeks. I suspect that may have been the only time I ovulated naturally. I was taking so many opks to try to figure out when or if I was ovulating, only to be further confused by days of dark/nearly positive tests with no true positives. I was diagnosed with PCOS, but I didn’t have any of the other symptoms, so that didn’t seem right to me. I tried Clomid and Femara, I went to so many OB/GYNs, a reproductive endocrinologist, an acupuncturist, and a naturopathic doctor. The naturopath was by far the most helpful, telling me that I was obsessing too much, and that I needed to take care of myself and redirect my attention. Of course, this was so hard to hear because all I ever wanted was to be a mom! I had been unhappy in my marriage from day 1, but was turning my focus away from that truth and busying myself with work, exercise, music, and yes, TTC. I can see how unhealthy it is now, looking back on it, but in the moment I wasn’t allowing myself to accept my reality. After a year and a half of being unhappily married to someone I was not meant to be with, I decided to leave the relationship. This was in March 2018. In April 2018, my cycles regulated and the weight fell off. I didn’t change anything intentionally, I just felt liberated, happy, and like myself for the first time in almost a decade. Month after month, my cycles were 30 days long and I knew I was ovulating because I could feel the symptoms in my body. Also in April, I met a man with whom I became dear friends, began doing some freelance work, and steadily fell in love. In the winter/spring of this year (2019), we began talking about starting a family, though we thought it was still a year or two in the future for us. I told him that I thought it would take me a long time to conceive, since I had dealt with infertility with my ex-husband. I was not on birth control, but since my cycles were so regular and I could feel when my body was gearing up to ovulate, we just avoided DTD during my fertile window. I also used OPKs as a preventive measure. It worked...for a while. In June 2019, my body decided to play tricks on us, and I ovulated a full week early! I kept waiting for my fertile signs, and they never came... I had started using the OPKs on CD15, but at that point, the test line was fairly light and just kept getting lighter...until it started getting darker. By CD 23, the line was getting darker. I was just confused at this point. By CD 29, I was EXHAUSTED. I am not a napper, and I needed long naps, and then was still tired. On CD 31 (Father’s Day, lol), I was dragging through work, tired, foggy and just out of it. I came home and cried to my partner, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me!” About half an hour later, it hit me that I could be pregnant. I took one more OPK, and told myself that if it was positive, I would take a HPT. Sure enough, it was! I dipped the HPT and before my pee had even moved across the screen, I just knew. I had taken so many pregnancy tests before, and this one felt completely different. Sure enough, a nice and dark pink line showed up! I was shocked, and I think excited, and scared, and allllll of the emotions that come along with an unexpected (but not unwanted!) pregnancy. My partner also felt all these emotions, and took a week or two to come to terms with the surprise. He said some pretty hurtful things in that first week after finding out, but I trusted that it was just his way of mourning his ‘bachelordom’ (he is 12 years older and has built his life around being free and not tied down). Sure enough, he came around and now is so excited to be a dad. He’s so interested and supportive in this pregnancy and is already preparing for labor and fatherhood. I know this was a long story, but I just feel that it is so amazing that Mother Nature (or God, or whoever/whatever you believe in!) knows when the time is right. Trust. Baby dust to all of you hopeful mamas!