Title: miscarriage sucks
Category: bored
Blog Entry: I had a miscarriage on July 16, 2005. This day happens to be my boyfriends birthday. Great. Awesome. Whatever. I found out I was pregnant June 2. I was thrilled. I didn't tell anyone until 10 weeks because my mom told me you should keep it quiet just incase of miscarrying. I finally told EVERYONE I know, and of course what happens????? I went in to the doctor for a normal appointment, but he couldn't find the heartbeat. He said it was very normal not to hear it because I have a tilted uterus. I was sent the next day to have an ultrasound done. I was not even worried...duh. Well, of course there was no heartbeat. I was so sad. All I wanted was to get out of that stupid doctors office, but they just kept talking to me. blah blah blah. I was screaming in my head 'Let me leave!'. It felt like I was there for hours when it was probably 15 minutes. I scheduled a D & C for the next day. I just wanted to die. I felt like I was the only one in the whole world that this happened to. I hated that everyone around me knew. I hated that everyone tells you that 'this is gods plan'. AGH!!!!! Its been 3 years and I still think about this everyday of my life. And 'what if'. I found myself hating other people who were pregnant. I didn't want to be anywhere near a baby because they just made me so sad. It is still so hard to see everyone around me so happy with their families and I am not. Every day is a struggle. I AM happy for them, but sad for me. I know once I have a baby I will be able to close this chapter of my life. But till then......
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