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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

Sad News

On Dec 19, 2016 we had our 12 week, 4 day check up which was supposed to be a regular check up. The 7 week and 9 week ultrasound was perfect. Perfect growth, heartbeat everything ❤️. At this 12 week appointment the midwife wanted to just do a quick ultrasound but was unable to find our baby's heartbeat. Our baby was measured perfectly at the date however must have recently lost its heartbeat :( On December 23rd I had a D&C surgery scheduled to remove our baby. We couldn't wait to announce our pregnancy to our family. Our dreams came crushing down. I am still so heartbroken. January 6, 2017 I had my checkup from the surgery and everything seemed to heal just fine per the doctor and she gave us the green light to start trying again. Emotionally its been the toughest thing in my life I had to go through. I almost feel like this is where my TTC journey started and ended. Not sure how anyone can try again after a miscarriage. Not sure if I'll ever be ready again. I know I don't have the luxury to wait considering my 33rd birthday is coming up next month. Life feels so unfair right now. I feel terrible for even feeling this way. There's so many positive things to be thankful for but yet all I can do is dwell on this very occurrence :( What did I do wrong? :( Was it my negative vibe from the beginning of the pregnancy? 

Photo attached is from the 9 week scan ❤️

12 week scan - baby was just curled up in a ball, no photo was taken of course :( 

Comments

Im sooooo sorry you're going through this!! I lost my baby at a little over 24 weeks and have been devastated every since! I had to go through the labor and all... I'm not going to sit here and tell you that everything is going to be ok or time heals all wounds or blah blah blah...but I will keep you in my prayers. I know what you're experiencing and if you need to talk I'm here

I am so sorry! I can't imagine what you are going through. My heart goes out to you and your family. I will keep you in my prayers! 

There are no words to convey how sorry I am for you and your family, will be thinking about you!!

I am so very sorry for your loss. You're so rightfull in your feelings, you're grieving and that's to be expected. you'll get through this, and your baby will always be a part of you. 

I am so sorry for your loss. i get teary looking at the u/s picture. I went through similar things last september. Saw perfect HB at 6 and 7 weeks but it was gone by 9 weeks. it was heartbroken. As time goes, it does get better. My friend, who's now 42, also had a MMC but was able to conceive again within 6 mos. So there is hope. Please remember you did nothing wrong and there is nothing you could have done to avoid it. it's chromosone that the baby had the right ones up until 12 weeks and that was that.

i love the idea of planting a tree in memory of my angel but i live in NYC. So i got a little bonsai tree in my office.

i hope you feel better soon. good luck.

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. That is so devestating. One of the things that helped me after my mc (2 years ago) was to talk about it and give myself tme to grieve. So please don't feel like you should rush your mourning process. Praying for you in this time!