All those big plans
I realized today that as of this cycle, it's impossible for me to have a baby before I'm 30. Not that that's a terrible thing, it just wasn't my plan, ya know? My plan was to have a baby at 27 and maybe another at 30. In my naive mind there was no way I would have a baby after 32 -- not me! I don't even know where I got these numbers. It's not like they mean anything. And I'm not sure why I was thinking about it today. Maybe just one of those passing thoughts about how sometimes things don't work out how we planned. Does that mean they won't work out at all? I don't know. Almost 4 years of this is enough to make anyone wonder, though.
I meditate a lot these days. I pray a lot, too. The human spirit has a hard time sitting still. It takes practice to inhabit this moment and not feel anxious about all the ones that have come before it and all the ones that might come after. But the truth is you can't be anywhere except where you are. Breathe it in. Make peace with it. This journey's a long one and like a boat in a river, you can't skip ahead to the end, you have to travel the whole thing, regardless of how hard you paddle.