Menu Search Account

Trying-to-Conceive Blog

Because after 3.75 years, you give zero fux.

My new answer for all those questions like:

"Are you guys planning to have kids?"

"Soooo... what about you two?" (when anyone else's kids are near, ever)

"Do you guys just not want kids?"

In comes me, nearly four years battle-weary but super casual:

"Ya know, it's so crazy but I was just reading somewhere how that's one of the top five questions you shouldn't ask people in 2017. Apparently it's really personal or something. Can you believe it?"

:P

A friendly reminder that no one is entitled to your personal business, and no one gets to make you feel crappy about it. 

Comments

Oh Spazzle. I remember your first post and lurking in the background feeling sad as your experience mirrored mine. I remember the excitement and optimism in the early days and how as each year passed it got harder and harder. People are so rude. You're still in my thoughts. Big hugs xxx

Inappropriate questions never end. The one I get all the time is, do twins run in your family? I know they're hoping for an amazing story like I'm a twin born from a twin and now I have my own twins. Sorry to disappoint people. I can never shop in peace. 

I used to be very open, but now I like to keep private about my IVF experience. Well maybe not private but I don't feel like wearing a shirt that says I Did IVF.... Although if I did at least it would save me from having to answer the question for the billionth time. Like seriously, how many employees does my local Walmart have? Haven't we had the conversation before?

Potential snarky comment for your situation:

So do you have kids?

Not yet.

Do you want kids?

Oh well your clock is ticking. (Someone actually said this to me even though I was public about doing IVF.)

Ok, well I'll keep having more sex. Thanks for the update on my body.

.....

 

On a side note, when I was typing "Do you want..." Cheesecake came up. It did it again just now. Goes to show my priorities are right where they should be. Haha!

Mindy! How are you?? Thanks as always for the support. I'm actually in a pretty good place and meant the post kind of darkly funny... I think I've developed a strange sense of humor over the years, haha. :D

PupMom, how is life with twins?? I was just wondering the other day if it had all worked out. I guess people can find a way to be idiotically intrusive regardless of the situation! I blame the patriarchal mindset that's so prevalent of women's bodies and their ongoings being treated as public domain, but that's another rant for another time, haha. I have a friend with twins who says she gets similarly frustrating questions, and even said she was getting the question, "Are they natural?" Which... eff whoever said that. But her response was the best, "Last I checked all babies are natural..."

But also -- yes, always cheesecake.

Just saw the other post and am super excited for you!!!

Life is good, albeit hectic. They are almost 10 months old and sometimes I feel beyond blessed and other times I feel beyond overwhelmed.  :/   :p

I have a lot of weight to lose before I can go back for my frozen embies. I need to loose 60 pounds. Ugh!!

I'll never ask for 2 embryos to be transferred again though. 1 at a time for me please!

 

Good luck with your weight loss goals! I can only imagine how hectic life is, haha. I was actually going to ask you about transferring two, since we have been discussing how we may soon be faced with that decision. If you had to go back in time would you make the same call? I feel like that's kind of impossible to answer, but I feel like if we had the option of two we would, but it's kind of scary. :/ I'm a spaz though so I think it's all scary, lol. I was reading about the retrieval process yesterday and nearly had a panic attack. Trying to (mentally) take it one step at a time so I don't stress myself out over nothing.

They put me to sleep for the retrieval and it was a physically easy process. Emotionally it was overwhelming because I was hawked up on hormones and that wasn't how I pictured having children.

It is a really tough question to answer so I'll answer it this way.

Good stuff

------------------

They always have someone to play with

I lucked out with a boy and a girl

 

 

 

Frustrating stuff

------------------

There is a financial impact with raising two kids the same age. I buy a lot of stuff used of yardsale groups.

Time factor. It takes longer to do everything and it's so much effort to get out the door. But it can be done!

It can be a strain on the marriage if it is one person taking care of two babies. It seems like a lot of men don't help out as much until the babies are more interactive.

Breastfeeding two can be very challenging!

Things to consider

------------------

Higher chances of health risks to mama. I was lucky. Major heartburn and a gallbladder attack were it. I wasn't able to do a vaginal birth because both babies were breech.

Higher chances of health risks to babies. Again I was lucky. They had us see a cardiac pediatrician while I was pregnant. Both babies hearts were perfect.

I carried to term 38w1d the soonest the hospital would allow before delivering. Trying to breath was difficult. 6 # 11 oz and 6 # 4 oz. We went right home, no NICU. Again, lucky.

If I were to go back and do it again, knowing that I'd have the same outcome, I would do it. But I have no desire to do it again for any future children. One at a time for me, even if you said everything would be the same.

I chose two after the first transfer failed and I wanted a better chance for success. 

It's a very personal decision and you'll have to go with what you think is right at the time.

 

Thanks for being candid! Those were a lot of the things we had been considering and having serious conversations about. I don't want to feel overburdened, the higher chance of csection scares me, plus all the health considerations you mentioned. But then there are a lot of positives, too! I think we'll just have to cross that bridge when we get there. I don't want to get attached to the idea of possibly two to end up with only one transferable embyro (or none). We also discussed what if we ended up with two and later on miraculously had a third kid we weren't planning for, lol. It's really strange to be at a place where soooo many ifs and could-bes are stretched out in front of us. A lot of this new journey though has been us deciding what feels right and going with it, though, so I'm sure if we got to that point we would have a gut feeling about what is right.

I've tried to table my fears about the retrieval for now, lol. I'm glad to hear yours went well. I have a fear of anaesthesia and being sedated in general (part of the reason I'm "natural birth plan" all the way, just because the idea of not being able to feel half my body and get up and move around would probably give me a heart attack). But I'm sure if we get to that point it'll all be fine. I've had to let go of so many preconceptions about "how things should go" over the past few years, and like you were saying about "shit, is this really what I have to do to have kids?" moment, at least I'm at a point where I don't feel like I'm trying to fit anything into a specific narrative anymore. We may have kids. We may not. I may get a natural birth. I may get sent for an emergency c-section and just be glad I'm alive. Whatever this life turns into, I'm humbled and grateful and thank God I'm past the point of feeling like I'm fighting my way through it. 

Woo. Sorry for that super long winding rant! :D Congrats again on your babies. Just thinking about it makes my heart happy! What a crazy miracle life is.

For me, I had a hard time with the fact that it all felt so unnatural. But then a woman I worked with confessed she had IVF and had the second baby in the US born from ICSI. She was very religious and her religion told her this was wrong and interfering with God's will. She talked about this with one of her doctors who explained they are not playing god. If they were, they could guarantee success. They just put the ingredients together. After that, it's out of there control. 

I was terrified of the c section and although I had a rough delivery, recovery was actually really quick. 

Believe or not, you do forget pain. One funny thing, towards the last few months, I was so uncomfortable I told everyone that I hated being pregnant and people would say that they loved it. I pointed out that it was a while since their last pregnancy and they forgot what it was like but I wasn't going to forget. But now I see pregnant women and I'm like awwwww I miss being pregnant.

I am so excited for you! I personally know 2 women doing IVF in the next couple months and now you're joining in! IVF is emotionally hard, yet also liberating to be taking a more aggressive approach. Ahhhh!!! Keep us posted!!!!