Some things & some stuff
After paying a stupid amount for my "records" (aka the abbreviated amount of info they chose to release to me), I have finally washed my hands of my old RE clinic. We had a bit of a falling out some months ago after they refused to fill out a one page form for an ivf grant application, of which I had already submitted my portion (all 40 pages!) AND paid the entry fee for... but honestly that was just the last straw in a long string of my being unhappy with them, from their overburdened staff to their highly standardized, one-size-fits-all treatment protocols. I guess when you're the only RE clinic in the city you can work that way, but clearly it was not the place for me.
Over the months a lot of things have come together in various ways and, super long story short, we have a consultation scheduled with a highly rated clinic that offers mini ivf. Sure, it's in another city that's quite a drive from here, and sure, the whole consultation may be a bust, but for now it feels right. I've done a ton of research on mini ivf, which differs from standard ivf in that they use milder drugs to stimulate follicle growth and - bonus - without a lot of those pricier drugs, it costs a lot less. It is more in line with our particular situation (MFI) and my comfort level. As with any ART, it's still an expensive gamble, but we'll see what's what after we meet with the doctor. So far the staff has been great and very considerate of the fact that we're coming from out of town. Now I'm just waiting on the appointment date to roll around so we can see the proposed plan and the price tag and determine if this is doable or not.
I'm making an effort to stay very grounded, flexible, and optimistic. When things get challenging I have a tendency to switch into "managing" mode (trying my best to control a situation, its outcomes, and my emotions about it), which works great for an issue at work or a crisis that needs quick action but doesn't at all work for something like this, which is at its core rife with emotion and unpredictable outcomes. I'm working to stay mindful, to be easy on myself (and others), and to embrace the opportunity over the outcome.
If any of you are still out there who remember an old blogger like me, send some happy thoughts, prayers, good vibes, or baby dust my way. Whatever your personal preference, I will certainly appreciate it.