Really struggling this week
Hello, hormones and hating everyone.
I was a little hopeful last week (clinging to that sliver of possibility) but I suspect that AF will be full force overnight so there's that. I feel like I'll never stop waiting. Our appt was moved, so it's still 4 weeks away, and it has felt weeks away for months now, so that definitely creates the feeling of spinning tires and being stuck. I'm frustrated with social media and recent rude commentary from family (commentary that I have warned dh I will vehemently address if that person has the stupidity of bringing it up again). I wasn't going to go into detail here, but actually, yeah, I will. This family member keeps saying things like, "Well I would just hate for you guys to spend alllll this money..." *fumes even writing it* As if it's a) any of her gd business, b) any of her gd money, and c) just something we randomly decided we wanted to do but isn't *really* necessary to having children. All of which I will be bringing up if (more like when) she mentions it again. She keeps dropping these little hints that it's, idk, fucking curable or something. Anecdotal shit about people who "had trouble" and then just "stopped smoking" or "took clomid" or "lost weight". None of that applies to our situation and none of it is her concern even if it did. Hate. Hate hate hate. I hate the sheer ignorance of it and the petty place that comments like that come from. And my polite responses to her that it's not our situation (trust me, I've explained the reality) or just outright ignoring her comments is no longer working for me. I demand justice. I will no longer allow anyone to get away with it. Because if we ever get our appointment and actually start ivf, the last thing I fucking need is people being petty and negative about how much money I spent on something "that may only have a 15% chance of working" (yes, direct quote from her). Actually, I may type up a manifesto and email it to the whole family so everybody can understand ivf etiquette and our expectations on the front end. Okay, I probably won't do that, but you know.
I am still bloated and tired and have a huge zit and want to stab people. At least my boobs look good.
I need to take a walk, take some time to meditate, practice mindful breathing, and stop thinking about asshole people. I am fine, and our appt will come (or it won't), and life will go on.
Life goes on.