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Trying-to-Conceive Blog

Really struggling this week

Hello, hormones and hating everyone.

I was a little hopeful last week (clinging to that sliver of possibility) but I suspect that AF will be full force overnight so there's that. I feel like I'll never stop waiting. Our appt was moved, so it's still 4 weeks away, and it has felt weeks away for months now, so that definitely creates the feeling of spinning tires and being stuck. I'm frustrated with social media and recent rude commentary from family (commentary that I have warned dh I will vehemently address if that person has the stupidity of bringing it up again). I wasn't going to go into detail here, but actually, yeah, I will. This family member keeps saying things like, "Well I would just hate for you guys to spend alllll this money..." *fumes even writing it* As if it's a) any of her gd business, b) any of her gd money, and c) just something we randomly decided we wanted to do but isn't *really* necessary to having children. All of which I will be bringing up if (more like when) she mentions it again. She keeps dropping these little hints that it's, idk, fucking curable or something. Anecdotal shit about people who "had trouble" and then just "stopped smoking" or "took clomid" or "lost weight". None of that applies to our situation and none of it is her concern even if it did. Hate. Hate hate hate. I hate the sheer ignorance of it and the petty place that comments like that come from. And my polite responses to her that it's not our situation (trust me, I've explained the reality) or just outright ignoring her comments is no longer working for me. I demand justice. I will no longer allow anyone to get away with it. Because if we ever get our appointment and actually start ivf, the last thing I fucking need is people being petty and negative about how much money I spent on something "that may only have a 15% chance of working" (yes, direct quote from her). Actually, I may type up a manifesto and email it to the whole family so everybody can understand ivf etiquette and our expectations on the front end. Okay, I probably won't do that, but you know.

I am still bloated and tired and have a huge zit and want to stab people. At least my boobs look good.

I need to take a walk, take some time to meditate, practice mindful breathing, and stop thinking about asshole people. I am fine, and our appt will come (or it won't), and life will go on.

 

*deep breath*

Life goes on.

Comments

Being polite with when someone is being an ass, only works when you rarely have to see or hear from someone. If they are someone you have to deal with regularly, either in person or online, you need to say something. Put them in their place. Like, "Are you really so ignorant to think that we haven't already tried everything imaginable over the years?!"

I think the bigger you flip out, the less of these comments you'll have to deal with. But that's just me.

;-)  

:-p

Hahaha. Probably very true!

OMG!! I give you SOOO much credit for holding it together!!' Holy hell!! Just reading those comments makes me wanna punch someone! 

Haha, thanks, mamabear!

Idk how I've held back. Just because she's family, maybe? It's dh's stepmother, she's quite young, and we were previously close, but in recent years she's become... kind of unbearable. It's like she doesn't live in the real world (and I mean, truth be told, she *doesn't*, so I guess that attitude fits). This weekend was the third or fourth occasion in which she said all of those things. And she says them in front of everyone, isn't deterred by us going silent and avoiding her remarks (clearly). Oh, and to top it off, every time her bratty teenager is bratty she turns to me and says (very loudly and dramatically), "ARE YOU SURE YOU REALLY WANT ONE? ARE YOU SURE?!" >_> Subtly is lost on her so I am fully prepared to flip next time. And there will be a next time. I just can't do it anymore, nor should I. (To clarify, it REALLY bothers dh, too, so it's not just me.)

Anyway, thanks as always for letting me vent. I feel some better. I know that she and her petty opinions have no real bearing in my life. I just hate how parasitic some people's remarks can become! 

I admit before ttc myself I didn't realize how emotional and how hard it could be. It only took us three cycles to get our bfp (6weeks now) so I think we've had it easy.  However these blogs and forums have really opened my eyes to the struggles some couples go through to have a child.  I still have a ways to go but I've found myself much more supportive and caring to others ttc.  I hope things go your way and you get your bfp! 

Hey, Blue. Congratulations! And thanks! Everyone's got their battles for sure. It's nice to think my journey (and the many others shared here) has reached people and made the world a more empathetic place. :) Best wishes with your developing motherhood.

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