They should offer Chill Pills when you order from those specialty fertility pharmacies
It's four weeks until my target date, which means crunch time for scheduling appointments, making payments, and trying to coordinate everything that goes into an out-of-state ivf, so all of that calm clarity I had in the beginning has mostly been replaced by general panic and a yeast infection. Even though I know it was most likely lounging around in that wet bathing suit on Labor Day (rookie mistake), I couldnt help feel sort of responsible when my doctor looked me over, in my rumpled work clothes and rained-on hair, and told me to make sure I'm taking care of myself during all this. So naturally I went home, was snippy with dh, cried about being snippy with dh, and took an essential oil bath. Yayyy stress.
Dh has been so amazing since we started this. He really wants to feel involved, which can be hard for guys, when we have to do all this stuff and all they have to do is turn in their specimen cup, so communication is everything. Even though my instinct is to close up like a turtle when I'm feeling stressed, we talked it out, and I know everything is on track. It's kind of funny how we went from weeks of renewed "baby making" intimacy to me being a crazy stress monster, but that's ttc, right? :,D
In your head you've got this glowing picture of how well you'll handle ivf and then you realize you're only human. It's a lot. But after I make these last few payments I'm going to relax and stop thinking about it for a while. I trust this doctor, I trust that this is the opportunity we've been given, and I know that God has always had my back. I was actually praying for peace or guidance or something the other day during a walk, and at that exact moment a dragonfly flew straight into my head. It got stuck in my hair and everything, I had to free it, and it jetted off. But I feel like that was God smacking me upside the head, being like, "Stop being ridiculous. I got you."
Anyway, I also recently confronted one of the chief offenders in the family who was making inappropriate comments about our fertility situation (she was super mad and defensive, but oh well), so at least I've marked that off my list of stressors going forward. I'm in the best shape of my life, physically and spiritually. It's a long road yet, but I've got good company (like Frodo!), so let's do this. Onward!